PIL visiting AIBU help!

If you’re working 60 hours a week OP it sounds like you’re the one who can’t relax at home. It’s once a month - may be see then twice a month for half the time

“I’m going to xx at 2pm - does anyone want to come with me?”

then you go out.

The problem is that this isn't what happens. This sounds exactly like what OP would like to happen, but it doesn't.

GPs turn up and sit chatting to OP and DH while the baby entertains himself. Then, understandably, the baby gets a bit antsy so OP and DH play with him a bit while GPs continue to chat to the adults. Sometimes, for a short amount of time, they can get GPs to play a bit with the baby, but not for long. GPs do not want to go for a walk while the baby points out their favourite trees so OP feels stuck.

This thread has been framed as how to entertain her baby at home, but it's really about how to handle GPs who are inflexible and oblivious to the needs of the people they are visiting.

I'm wondering if you are working 60 hours a week in a fast paced environment is it possible you are struggling with boredom and not dc?

It sounds like you are used to things being high pressure and exciting and maybe sitting down and relaxing for 4 hours is challenging?

Is dc in daycare during the day? Do they take the kids out a lot?

If it really is an issue of 10 mo getting bored I would just take him out ahead of time to the park to blow off some steam.

you don’t speak for everyone. I had two children who were, at some point, 10 months old. The child/grandparent/activity nexus is different for everyone. Why is everyone so judgmental and bitchy to OP?

So you are back at work full time and the in laws are visiting every weekend for hours on end?

No. They are visiting once a month. For four hours. Hardly excessive @TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

So you are back at work full time and the in laws are visiting every weekend for hours on end?

I can see why 5 dogs would be intimidating and probably quite unsafe with a toddler. Are they all usually walked together?

I think it's simply time to have a civilised conversation that this is not working for you as a family. You have limited time together, household chores and the baby is getting more and more active. Shorter visits or less frequent visits would work better or perhaps at a different time of day. Coming before lunch on a Sunday to have a play and then eat together as adults while your son naps perhaps.

It's useful for grandparents to know the routine of the house, to know when they'll see the best of their grandchild and to know to avoid the witching hour. And frankly to know when they've overstayed. Sometimes you just need to get on with things even if that means being rude (in your mind anyway)
It wouldn't cost me a thought to put a wash on or empty a dishwasher with MiL around. When she's bored she goes home. It's sometimes annoying but I think she appreciates the company and has a strong relationship with her grandchildren as a result. I don't treat her visits as a state occasion. Different if we invite her for a meal. Rude to get on with things then.

Is it because they walk their 5 dogs before or after they visit you so their time with you is their sit down time? Maybe you could ask to join them on a dog walk in the woods or something next time so you're all out together catching up. With baby in a carrier to be safe.

I'm super-glad you heard that.

Fantastique.

All my love.

Tetsy.

They are very respectful, Op.
Your PIL could pop in every second day, given that they live only ten minutes away.
Good of them to not bring any dogs.

Four hours playing with your child in it's own home should be fine. You child will get better at entertaining itself, with age, and your PIL obviously like to talk to you and DH too.
As the child gets bigger they will be able to play Chess, set up whole block cities and pretend farms and families of dolls and do each others hair etc.

One benefit is that they observe how your home works and how you parent LO. Should you ever need to call on them in an emergency, they will be comfortable coming to look after LO the usual way. Invite them to stay for dinner some times and to help put LO to bed. Knowing LO routines is a good idea.

Any time during the visit you could ask them to join you on a walk around the block. LO will love to show them the local trees and paths.

I can't see any problem at all.

@NameChangeSunday

Of course it's ridiculous that because they are visiting and refuse to go anywhere you suddenly become stuck in.

Your mistake was asking if they would like to go anywhere. You s"hould have said "wonderful, that day we had planned blah, I look forward to you joining us there".

They are being rigid, inflexible and they are not thinking of your needs.
You need to take charge here and be assertive " oh you can't make the farm, maybe next time... Oh you would rather come to ours well unfortunately it's too long for lo to be sat in one space, what about if you changed your visit to an hour. That would work."

Why are you writing in such an unpleasant, hectoring, rude tone? It's so bizarre

Not as ironic as @TheHateIsNotGood username tho

Lol at my sweary username contradicting me 🤣🤣 YA BASTARD

@NameChangeSunday there's no "passive" in this, just plain old aggression from some. Lots on here get off on it, it's sad and pathetic really but not your problem, ignore the ones who feel the need to be so horrible about a simple post asking for advice. Or pity them as there's obvs something in their lives making them so angry

Yes, Tets, I'll bear that in mind.
Mucho Thanks
Amigo.
THING
x

My PIL used to come and stay for a month. They didn’t like going out except always accompanied me to the supermarket - my one escape! Not helpful to thread sorry OP, just having a shudder of remembering.

So if your child does manage to stay in some mornings/afternoons/evenings (which I think is what you’re saying) why is it particularly difficult when the PILs are there? Most people really aren’t out and about multiple times a day, so it genuinely is difficult to see what the issues are.

You seem unnecessarily aggressive.

The hate, is indeed, not good.

Peace out.

Friend.

So you get bored, your baby can't entertain himself and your ILs just want to relax in your sofa. You don't want to leave them to it with their son and go out. Recipe for disaster.

Your only option really is to set a time limit. Come over at 10am for a couple of hours, then we'll be off to the play centre, you're welcome up join us if you want but we will be off at 12...

Easy peasy.

You're setting yourself up for a world of aggravation if you don't let your child learn to entertain himself.

Yes OP I must be a terrible awful human being and I am so grateful and appreciative that you have allowed me to live.

Good luck mate, seems you're gonna need it.

OP, if it tires you out so much. Could you suggest that your partner stays with your in laws and your baby while you go out? And to show face just go to their house by yourself once a month to say hello and have a cup of tea.

Otherwise, could you say to them something along the lines of "alright, the baby is bored, this is my cue to nip out, I will be an hour. See you then!"

I've only read your posts @NameChangeSunday , so I may be preaching to the choir here, but have you actually said to them, 'Great, let's have a coffee at ours then head out as we both get a bit stir-crazy if we stay in for too long'?

My children are older than yours (and my ILs doth died many years ago, before our children were born), but I had routines with mine when they were very small that involved us going out every day (apart from Fridays, they were for visitors and play-dates at ours).

Could you not make a routine that means they have to either keep the visit short or tag along?

I think you've been slightly badly served on this thread. You've very nicely got yourself into a situation where you're facilitating a relationship with the ILs and your child, but they're being quite passive.

It's a good thing you're doing.

But between you and your husband, you are going to have to force them to be a bit more active on their visits.

I presume they're not that old?