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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be dreading clearing elderly relatives flat

39 replies

Whatistherightanswer · 09/02/2024 21:35

Estranged relative has died and for a variety of reasons I have to go and hunt around in a dirty cold flat for paperwork and valuables. Aibu to be terrified of what I’m going to find

OP posts:
ToHellBackAndBeyond · 10/02/2024 19:28

Definitely take gloves and bin bags. I had to help clear my estranged dead sisters house and it was disgusting. Carers hadn't so much as flicked a duster in months if not years. Dreading when the time comes for my parents too. Sixty odd years of collecting.
Good luck.

mumda · 10/02/2024 19:26

Double glove.

Strong bags. Have assistance.

PumpkinPie2016 · 10/02/2024 19:25

It's not a nice task.

I emptied my Nan's after she died - we were very close though so it was an emotional task. She wasn't a hoarder but had lived there for 32 years - no matter what, you accumulate a lot of stuff in 32 years.

I took someone with me each time e.g. a relative or friend. That helped. I did find some lovely old photos etc.

You say your relation was a hoarder? If so, definitely take gloves, cleaning stuff and bin liners. One area at a time. Take nice cake/biscuits for tea breaks.

Good luck!

kiwiane · 10/02/2024 19:25

Take someone with you - pay them if you need to.
Take it as fast as you can - ignore rubbish and focus on bills and other papers only.
You don’t have to clear it - leave that for house clearance.
If stuff is piled high then focus on keeping safe and think how good it will be when it’s over!

nzeire · 10/02/2024 19:18

Take gloves, mask, friend and music

open up the windows and doors, take breaks and have an idea on how to celebrate once documents are found

good luck

Wasbedeudetetdas · 10/02/2024 19:07

I second the idea of employing a cleaning/clearing company for the clutter/mess and letting them know you're only interested in the specific paperwork (so they can dump rubbish like clothes etc).

Original poster
Whatistherightanswer · 10/02/2024 18:51

We need to find documents. Hoarder.

OP posts:
EbonyRaven · 09/02/2024 22:31

Can you not use a house clearance firm?

LindorDoubleChoc · 09/02/2024 22:30

As they are estranged at least it won't be an emotional task, so that's a very big plus.

Have you got arrangements in place for where all the things in the flat will go? If not I would engage a house clearance company - the kind which sorts valuable things for auction, charity stuff, dump stuff, makes sure it all gets transported to the right place. They really are worth their weight in gold if you can get a local recommendation. And a cleaner or two, as pp has said.

Then all you'll need to concentrate on is paperwork.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/02/2024 22:15

Take your most sensible friend with you. It's a horrible job and I hope it doesn't take you too long.

BumpheadParrotfish · 09/02/2024 22:13

I had to clear my late sisters flat recently and absolutely dreaded it.

Some relatives unexpectedly turned up to help, so we made the most of it by going out to dinner later and I bribed my teenagers with hard cash to move the heavy stuff. It wasn't too bad in the end.

fleurneige · 09/02/2024 21:57

If you can afford it, take a cleaner with you. You deal with paperwork, they deal with the cleaning. And then you sort things out with said cleaner- and a friend or relative.

12tog · 09/02/2024 21:55

Can you take someone OP? I’ve had to do this twice recently and it’s so much better with company.

TheSilentSister · 09/02/2024 21:49

It's never a pleasant task - digging around in a dead relatives house for documents etc. It feels like an invasion of privacy but it has to be done for legal reasons.
What do you think you might find that leaves you 'terrified'? Is the flat particularly dirty/neglected/hording etc?

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