5+ year age gap

For me personally, it's too big an age gap. We're starting to TTC our second this month and DS will be 3-3.5 if we conceive in the first few months. I've already said to DH that if our second wouldn't be born before DS starts school (bang on 5) then I wouldn't want to keep trying.

But for me, that's because having similar age siblings that can share activities and interests while still small is a big factor in my choice to have another. Obviously I want a second child in their own right and the sibling issue isn't my only reason for that. But it is what tips me from "I could be content with one" to "I'd really like two". I feel like once the age gap gets over 5 years, it's a lot more divide and conquer parenting as they will need totally different things to do in the early stages.

But I don't think it's too big an age gap in general if you definitely want a second child. For everything that's harder with the age gap, there's lot of things that would be easier/better as well.

I have a 6 year old and a 12 week old- the age gap is AMAZING and I wouldn’t change it !!

Five years isn't an unusual gap between siblings at all. It wouldn't even occur to me that anyone would question it.

The relationship between siblings with a gap of a few years might be different to a relationship between siblings who are only a year or two apart, but different doesn't mean 'worse' or 'better'.

My own siblings are 9 and 6 years older than me and at no point was this any kind of problem for any of us.

My kids are

30
27
18
13
10
9

So I've had every age gap really and I would say honestly don't worry or overthink it.
My 18 year old is super close with the 9 and 10 year old and the older ones love it come home and spend time with the younger ones.

I have 6 years between my 2. Did I plan it? Absolutely. Do I regret it? No bloody way.
It meant that I was able to dedicate a lot of time to my second born just like the first had that I wouldn't have been able to had I had them closer together.
Apart from the eldest's teenage years of having an annoying younger sibling, it's been fab and they are really close now.

Currently 31 weeks pregnant and my DS will be 5, 6 weeks after baby is born. My sister is my best friend and we’re 5 years apart. Like you, I also had reoccurring misscarriges (3 of them) between DS and this baby, weirdly I’m not that concerned about the age gap because DS is of good understanding now and more independent (can feed himself, go to the toilet etc). I hope you get your rainbow baby soon 💐

I have this age gap with my little sister and we are very, very close as adults, with similar values, interests and sense of humour. I absolutely loved having a baby in the house and have really happy memories of the first few years of her life. I agree with you that Mumsnet can be a bit dogmatic about small age gaps being best. I also get a bit downbeat reading those threads as I'm in a situation whereby for a whole range of reasons I couldn't have had babies close together. I mean, each to their own (it would be boring if we were all the same, right?), but I think there are SO many silver linings to having a bigger gap between children.

It really doesn’t matter, and don’t feel guilty or under pressure about it. You should have another child because you want one, not as a sibling.

I had 3 DDs. The older two were 6 and 8 when the third was born. It was lots of fun - the third basically had 3 Mummies.

I have about that gap between my two. It's nice having the older one a bit more independent so you can focus on the baby.

5.5 years between DS1 and DS2 then 4.5 years between DS2 and DD. Absolutely loved it, nobody was competing for attention, everyone had their role. Extra benefit was the fact that DS1 absolutely adored DD and we had a babysitter from the time he was 13 and she was 3. They are adults now and get on brilliantly, I would have hated to have to wrangle three kids closer in age.

I honestly don't think it matters, you'll all be overjoyed with your new addiction regardless of age gap!

A friends of ours has 3 children with an 8 year gap between each! My cousin 2 are 10 years apart as it took that long to become pregnant again.

I have a 14 year gap between mine, they are now 17 and 3! Do what works for your family 🤷‍♀️

Positive pregnancy test here this morning but history of miscarriage so fingers crossed. My little girl is 6 in August so similar gap if successful. I won’t try again though if anything goes wrong. I’m becoming more at peace with the mum of 1 role and more anxious of baby years than yearning of them now, 6 months ago I would have killed for a baby.

I have a 5 year gap between mine (dc1 was towards the end of reception when dc2 was born). I think it's a great age gap. I've certainly never felt any judgement for it.

But for us, it was an intentional choice. We waited specifically that long to have a 2nd as wanted dc1 to be out of nursery (this was in the days before funded places) before I went on mat leave again. We also were both focussing on building careers, dh was starting a business and I was finishing a postgraduate degree and starting out into FT work again.

I think it worked really well. I had the 'first child' sort of experience with both of them as I was home and fully focussed just on the baby each time. I could do all the school runs during mat leave, which gave us time to adjust to a new working pattern with the short school days (shorter than nursery and no wraparound care where we lived at the time). It also meant that I was a bit more present for my eldest in her first year of school. And she was old enough to be helpful and to understand that she might need to be more patient now that we had a new baby. She could also do things like getting herself a snack or a drink while I was feeding the baby or trying to get him to sleep. I think it made for a much easier time over all.

I think my friends who have had babies closer together have definitely struggled more than we did, and financially we were in a much better situation too. I also didn't lose out on career progression because I wasn't taking loads of time out in succession. There truly weren't any downsides. Mine still fight like any siblings, but I think they probably fight less than they would if closer in age. My younger one is very able to play with the older ones as used to having dc1's friends around. And dc1 has learned to be a bit more forgiving and patient being the 'older one' with a much younger sibling.

5 years between me and my older brother. He was able to help with my mum when I was a baby (i.e. keeping me moving in the pram when my mum stopped to speak to someone!) Typical sibling fighting growing up but we got along (I remember him knocking on my door to let me know the Simpsons would be coming on so we could watch it together.
We're not close close or anything as grown ups but we still get on :)

As others have said, nobody will judge you. Loads of people have children with bigger age gaps for various reasons. It's not a bad thing. There's also no guarantee of them getting on if they're close in age. I personally thing it would be better to have a slightly bigger age gap so you can explain to older DC what's happening and why your attention might be a bit more divided etc...

There is a 6 year age gap for me and my sibling and we are so close. I partly think that might be because of the age gap, it meant that we were never in competition with each other. Not all siblings get on, but my life would be so much poorer without my sister.

We have a 6.5 year gap, we're two years in. The DC have really been a joy with each other, no qualms in that regard at all. That's I guess part luck with a little bit of parental input. So there's been lots of joy.

However I do feel we've made our lives very much harder, for us as parents (this is in a v supportive DH scenario, but little other support, and v bad sleeper in DC2). They obviously have different needs and need different things at different times. We often have to divide and conquer and are stretched to our max. We've found there to be enough common ground to make family life good, and I guess they both get individual attention for this reason rather than just always lumped in together, but it's not always easy, even now.

Aware it is also likely to get even more tricky as youngest starts to have more of their own life and wants, and eldest becomes a teen.

They will have one year at primary together (which I'm really excited about ).

Worth it for us but as I say we've definitely made our lives difficult. There is definitely a reason most people have their children closer together in time!

I have exactly this gap and so far it’s lovely! Lots of time with the baby while DD is at school, very little jealousy and they both ADORE each other. DD says DS is her best friend, she sings and reads to him. DS does his biggest smiles for her.

Why would anybody judge or think anything of it? I have an 11 year gap with mine!

I have 3 with the gap from youngest to oldest being nearly 8 years and it is those two who get on so close - there's no jealousy, the oldest is understanding of annoying younger sibling behaviour and the youngest idolises her big sister.

I don't know what they will be like when adults and I imagine if my oldest goes off to uni then it will be a big wrench for the youngest, but I started young (for mumsnet!) having children precisely because I wanted minimum 3 years age gaps as there was 18 months between me and my brother and it just didn't work!

Though as an adult I think most of it is down to individual personality than age gaps...!

I have 3 dc. There’s a 2 year gap between my eldest and middle child, then a 5.5 year gap between middle and youngest. Older 2 are girls, youngest is a boy. For various reasons, middle and youngest get on much better than middle and oldest. Youngest and oldest (a 7.5 year gap) don’t have the strongest relationship, but both would come out fighting if their sibling needed it.

having another child is always a gamble - we all know families where siblings just don’t get in at all, and others where they are really close. I’m not sure age is ever the determining factor in how a relationship turns out.

Me and DB have 6 years between us - close as anything though I paid him little attention when I was 15/16 etc but as soon as he got 16 we were super close and have been ever since.