Husband thinks my friends are his

Oh, I think he should call his mummy and tell her he is coming back home where his mummy, who raised this "prince" of a man loser, can pay his bills while he does his business "hobby". LOL!
He certainly isn't man enough to be a husband or a father.

It DOESN'T MATTER
because she is NOT his friend.

Just stop, because you make zero sense, unless you are the lazy, do-nothing, controlling, gaslighting asshole who has come to MN so you can beat down your wife some more. You sure sound like it's possible.

Tell him not to ring your friends to moan about you but to phone his mother for advice. I suspect you might find that disloyal

No, that is wise and intelligent of her friend.

Why should she bother to listen to a lazy, do-nothing, controlling, gaslighting asshole?

I find it odd that you seem to be supporting the husband. Hhhmmm...wonder why?

OP, you NEED to phone your friends in arguments like this - they will help you stay real and grounded.

But urgh you need to kick this sponger out. Why pay for him?

Neither DH nor I talk about our relationship with anyone. I wouldn’t dream of talking about an argument we’ve had and certainly wouldn’t phone a friend for backup. Least of all right in the middle of the argument!

If he isn't bringing in any money, does that mean he is living off you? He goes off to do his "business", which brings in no money, leaving you to also work and take care of the house and children?
I think, if he hasn't brought in money in four years, it isn't ever going to bring in money and he needs to go get a job with a paycheck.
If he isn't being the primary care-giver to the children and taking care of most of the housework etc., doesn't that make him a cocklodger?

It's strange to see friends as if they are things you own.

If your friends aren't his friends, then when he calls them they just won't answer or will have a very brief/ polite conversation and then end the call.

It's not something I would be worried about.

Tbh it's a bit strange that either of you are getting friends involved when you are in the middle of disagreements/ arguments between the two of you.

That sounds like a very difficult situation for you OP,
But what you wanted to achieve was
"an hour to do some work on my profitable business"
You didn't get it because the waters were muddied with all kinds of other things.
Of course he should just have said, Of course you can have an hour..
Instead he started arguing that it was unreasonable and the discussion then became about whether you were unreasonable or not.

You were side tracked. Is that something that happens a lot.
Its easy to say, hard to do but you need to stick to your objective
DH : OP you are sooo unreasonable
OP: That may be but can you look after the DC for an hour.
DH: I suppose you will ring your friend and slag me off.
OP: Can you look after the DC for an hour.

Asking for 1 hour's care of the DC is not unreasonable. You know that. You don't have to justify that to anyone. You just have to keep repeating the request (politely) and if met with resistance you pursue them politely wanting to know why they cannot do it.

Throwing in my "profitable" business... is sidetracking yourself and bound to rile the other party. It may be satisfying to make that point but it leads you both away from what you wanted - which was an hour.
Going off to phone a friend - makes no difference at all. Just prolongs the argument whilst he waits around getting more annoyed before you come back

OP Well.. my friend says Im right
DH - Your friend is wrong too and I'm going to phone one of your friends now.
Which starts the argument onto a completely different tit-for-tat track and you STILL don't get what you want.

But overall it sounds like the real problem is that he's spent 4 years on a business that is not yet profitable, whilst you support the family financially and you want more support yourself. That sounds really hard. I think that some kind of counseling even you just go yourself so that you can get some RL advice on how to deal with this.

Well done OP. You are pushing back against his attempts to control you and control the narrative.

I would suggest though that you get better at grey rock. Try not to need him for anything, try not to ask him for anything. Avoid conflict as far as you are able without complying with his every whim.

Someone who doesn’t accept your right to autonomy, friends, time, an existence outside of what he graciously allows, is best avoided as far as possible.

line up those ducks, but gently does it in case he gets nasty.

Hugs op.
I feel so sad for your feeling so controlled. I can relate slightly .
I hope you escape xx

I agree, in the past I have had friends trying to get me involved in arguments,

If I agree with friend , I am right his is a pig / looser/ tight etc.
If I disagree I am wrong , what do I know , why side with him do I fancy him .

Either way I come away from the conversation feeling used.

I think most people do,

They just don't make announcements about it!

God no!

Has he always been this insecure?

There seems to be a lot going on here

@Naunet said "she’s not a service bot." so in saying "She doesn’t exist to “support” either of them…" you are just agreeing with her.

And yes, friend would know why he was calling because OP had spoken to her. It was clearly stated - you haven't cleverly deduced that. It's irrelevant anyway.

My friends and I support each other - would you extrapolate that we all "exist" to do so?

You silly poster. You just want to have an argument

Maybe ask her if he's a friend of hers, after all it isn't your decision to make is it. My husband has friends from before I knew him, some of them are now friends of mine.

Call time on this relationship as you clearly don’t like each other

No she doesn’t, SHE gets to pick who she supports and if she wants to support her friend, but not the abusive arsehole making her friends life difficult, that is perfectly rational. Weird that you think it isn’t, frankly.

Is this the same guy who bought a £250 laptop and lied it said it was £100?

What your argument was about was t the point of your thread.

I think it was pretty shitty to tell him that you wanted to involve your friend in your disagreement with him.

The context that people didn't have in your opening post is that he is an abusive, controlling gaslighter and you're calling your friend for a sanity check because he's beaten you down. People are responding under the assumption you are in a generally non-abusive marriage and you've deliberately played the card of going to complain about him to your friend in the middle of a routine marital spat. The latter would be read by most people as inappropriate, dramatic and passive-aggressive, and many people are responding based on that initial read of the scenario.

Unless op had pre warned her, she wouldn’t know what he was calling about?
She doesn’t exist to “support” either of them…

It’s not remotely odd, she doesn’t owe him support, she’s not a service bot.

Am I getting this right, he brings in fuck all money, but won’t do any parenting so that you can work on your business that does bring money in? He sounds abusive so I think you’re absolutely right to check in with a friend if it helps keep you grounded. Long term though, you need to leave this prick.

Well he can call your best friend for years to slag you off...but he will be digging his own grave 😂😂😂

What does he think they will say haha idiot..