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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband thinks my friends are his

136 replies

WiggyClawsThe2nd · 08/02/2024 14:11

Couldn't work out what title to put on this as really bizarre question. Was having a disagreement with my husband and went off to chat to my friend on the phone. He wanted to know why, so I said I wanted some feedback and advice from her. He really didn't like this and said that he would do the same, with MY best friend. I pointed out that that wasn't appropriate as she is my friend not his. He thinks he should be able to talk to my friend and tell her all the things he dislikes about me as that's "fair". To be honest, if he did call her she'd tell him to p**s off. He has no friends of his own as he just doesn't make the effort to maintain and cherish friendships. Am I being unreasonable to think that he has no right to assume that my friends are his? And that he is bang out of order to think that they would be at all interested in him lagging me off to them? For context most of my friendships span decades and he has no day to day contact with any of them.

OP posts:
muchalover · 08/02/2024 20:30

Um isn't everyone on MN doing the same? OP wanted some perspective and to validate her request as being reasonable. I don't see the issue. Maybe not telling him that's what you're doing but nevertheless none of us are an island and if you're partner's being a knob then why not get support from friends.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/02/2024 20:20

WiggyClawsThe2nd · 08/02/2024 19:51

Now this username does make me suspect my husband for various reasons

Show quote history

What it is is someone who hasn’t read the full thread!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/02/2024 20:19

Rachelsthorns · 08/02/2024 18:20

When I was breaking up with my abusive ex he found out I was posting online (not here) and said he would post as well because I was only giving one side of the story and if he put his across then nobody would encourage me to leave. He never did...

Mine did.
He ran slap bang into Anyfucker and the other lovely ladies on the Relationships board. Oh, it was joyous! Grin

Can you link to any of his posts? Give us all a laugh.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 08/02/2024 20:17

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/02/2024 20:10

Is this directed at the OP’s DH because it’s the only context in which your post would make vague sense.

OP you know the reality of your relationship don’t doubt your instincts.

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I’ve already said her husband is a cunt, but the whole dynamic seems very childish and toxic, arguing about whose mate OP’s friend is, her telling her DH she was going to ask her opinion on an argument. It sounds so exhausting. I couldn’t be doing with it.

SecondHandFurniture · 08/02/2024 20:16

Some men will do anything to avoid being on their own with and solely responsible for their children, OP. Including make a twat of themselves like this.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/02/2024 20:10

YoureALizardHarry11 · 08/02/2024 19:03

Jesus Christ are you an adult? Pathetic. Grow up.

Edited

Is this directed at the OP’s DH because it’s the only context in which your post would make vague sense.

OP you know the reality of your relationship don’t doubt your instincts.

5128gap · 08/02/2024 20:10

He sounds emotionally immature and lacking in understanding of friendships. Which could be quite a challenging journey for you while he learns as an adult what most people learn as children. Meantime, it's probably not the best idea to fuel an argument between you and him by making it obvious you're discussing him with a friend. While there's nothing wrong with confiding in someone, he's obviously not going to be thrilled about it, is he? So discretion on your part would have been sensible.

Original poster
WiggyClawsThe2nd · 08/02/2024 19:51

YoureALizardHarry11 · 08/02/2024 19:03

Jesus Christ are you an adult? Pathetic. Grow up.

Edited

Now this username does make me suspect my husband for various reasons

OP posts:
WhatWhereWho · 08/02/2024 19:49

So you call your friends about disagreements to complain about him, get them onside and are getting annoyed when he points out that's not right? Just as you are getting wound up by posters on here who say it would annoy them.

You do not sound old enough to be in a relationship.

Original poster
WiggyClawsThe2nd · 08/02/2024 19:48

Nanaof1 · 08/02/2024 17:38

It DOESN'T MATTER
because she is NOT his friend.

Just stop, because you make zero sense, unless you are the lazy, do-nothing, controlling, gaslighting asshole who has come to MN so you can beat down your wife some more. You sure sound like it's possible.

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Was wondering if this was actually my husband 🤣
Thankfully I'm not sure he even knows mumsnet exists

OP posts:
BetterWithPockets · 08/02/2024 19:48

WiggyClawsThe2nd · 08/02/2024 15:37

Really?
I'm quite glad she's odd then!

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She’s a great friend, OP. An infinitely better friend than your DP is partner. But it sounds as though you know that…

YoureALizardHarry11 · 08/02/2024 19:34

ItsADoggieDogWorld · 08/02/2024 19:18

Do you have problems with comprehension? Did you actually read all of OP's posts?

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No, to be honest I didn’t, but I didn’t need to. From what I read, it all seems really childish and toxic, phoning your mate about a row to get her to take sides, all this arguing about who’s friend it is. He seems a cunt but it all sounds so exhausting. Who has time for that shit? They clearly hate each other. I’m past all that kind of nonsense 😂

diddl · 08/02/2024 19:29

He basically told me that most people would think I was being unreasonable for asking for a free hour away from childcare to work.

The fact that you had to check with a friend about this shows how much he has screwed you up.

I didn't do all the childcare even when I didn't work & my husband did!

ItsADoggieDogWorld · 08/02/2024 19:18

YoureALizardHarry11 · 08/02/2024 19:03

Jesus Christ are you an adult? Pathetic. Grow up.

Edited

Do you have problems with comprehension? Did you actually read all of OP's posts?

YoureALizardHarry11 · 08/02/2024 19:03

Jesus Christ are you an adult? Pathetic. Grow up.

Original poster
WiggyClawsThe2nd · 08/02/2024 18:59

defiant2024 · 08/02/2024 18:39

People generally don't flounce off to slag off their partners in the middle of a fight, don't revel in their husband having no friends, don't use other people's opinions as back up to make one another feel bad. You sound like you hate him, maybe you've good reason to, but it's impossible to give reasonable advice here because you're coming across as an unreliable narrator. I do suggest leaving your poor friends alone though. Get a counsellor to help unpick the end of this relationship.

Cheers for this 😝

OP posts:
Original poster
WiggyClawsThe2nd · 08/02/2024 18:58

Rachelsthorns · 08/02/2024 18:20

When I was breaking up with my abusive ex he found out I was posting online (not here) and said he would post as well because I was only giving one side of the story and if he put his across then nobody would encourage me to leave. He never did...

Mine did.
He ran slap bang into Anyfucker and the other lovely ladies on the Relationships board. Oh, it was joyous! Grin

Love to see how my hubby would deal with Anyfucker 🤣

OP posts:
Mariposistaaa · 08/02/2024 18:46

My ex boyfriend was like this. Constantly messaging my friends and then tried to get them on his side when we separated.

defiant2024 · 08/02/2024 18:39

People generally don't flounce off to slag off their partners in the middle of a fight, don't revel in their husband having no friends, don't use other people's opinions as back up to make one another feel bad. You sound like you hate him, maybe you've good reason to, but it's impossible to give reasonable advice here because you're coming across as an unreliable narrator. I do suggest leaving your poor friends alone though. Get a counsellor to help unpick the end of this relationship.

BobbyBiscuits · 08/02/2024 18:25

I'd say next time you have a row just talk to your friend, you don't need to tell him you are doing so. I think he was kind of being petty by saying that, he knew it was inappropriate and she would not even speak to him like that, it's more like he's jealous that you have friends. Which is childish and daft. Are there any friends of yours who he is actually close to? That could be considered to be "both' your friend? If so maybe invite them round and it might boost your husband and stop him feeling jealous. A lot of men struggle with their 'own' friendships. No idea why TBH other than because they are male? Haha.

Rachelsthorns · 08/02/2024 18:20

When I was breaking up with my abusive ex he found out I was posting online (not here) and said he would post as well because I was only giving one side of the story and if he put his across then nobody would encourage me to leave. He never did...

Mine did.
He ran slap bang into Anyfucker and the other lovely ladies on the Relationships board. Oh, it was joyous! Grin

moomoomoo27 · 08/02/2024 18:19

Honestly amazed that anyone wants to be friends with either of you.

aloris · 08/02/2024 18:09

WiggyClawsThe2nd · 08/02/2024 14:22

I can see what you mean, but he was trying to convince me that I was being a cow for asking for an hour to do some work on my profitable business when he is always buggering off to "work" on his "business", which basically involves him posting on Facebook. I've been supportive of his work, but 4 years after starting it it's not bringing in a penny and I'm fed up. He basically told me that most people would think I was being unreasonable for asking for a free hour away from childcare to work. And then when I picked up my phone and went to leave the room he wanted to know exactly what I was doing, I wouldn't have mentioned that I wanted some objective feedback otherwise.

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You have a marital problem that won't be solved by talking to your friend.

DeeLusional · 08/02/2024 18:06

He has no friends and no social life so he is trying to herd you, coral you, whatever. He really needs to get a life.

Noseybookworm · 08/02/2024 17:59

You both sound a bit childish to be honest. Why would you need to call a friend to get her opinion as to whether you're in the right in the middle of a disagreement? I'm guessing he was making a point about that by saying he was going to call your other friend. Both of you should be able to resolve a simple disagreement without all the drama!