Husband thinks my friends are his

He sounds awful, definitely a LTB.
im glad you have lovely friends.

I just read all your posts OP. Sorry, I should have done that first (my brain doesn’t work ‘normally’).
Good luck for your future. He’s a toss pot.
I had one of them. You’ll be much happier without him x

My long term bf (14 years) doesn’t really have any close friends. He gets on very well with some of my best mates and they would have time for him if he needed to talk to someone who wasn’t me. I would even be fine with it if it was about me as I have been unreasonable and irrational in the past. My friends know me well enough to know this about me.
He has online friends (real time gaming, played with these people for years, speaks to them regularly). Idk if he’d talk openly about any issues to them but I hope he would if he needed/wanted to.
We all need someone to talk to.
It would be good if your DP could say his bit because maybe he feels that he needs to be heard.

I think you should have that hour.

Get free and live your life.

Sorry op but your relationship seems to be wearing you down too much. From what you’ve said it sounds like he might be insecure & a bit jealous of both your work success & your good relationships.

I don’t know enough about you to say what you need to do, but have been in a situation that sounds similar. I was the main earner & he was self employed earning less & less over a number of years. He increased our financial commitments for things with our t any discussion & used funds from our joint account to buy weed etc. he was really petty with me & if he fell out with me he would stay up all night and w as me me periodically to give me hassle for something even though I had work plus a 4 hour commute the next day. my friends & family had grown relatively distant.

we split because he could wouldn’t let something minor go, but when that happened I was entirely broken. My friends & family that I had neglected were there, they said they were glad to have me back.

I will always hold a significant loss from this as I lost two wonderful step children through this process but my life is much better being out of that relationship.

only you know what is right for you & your situation may be entirely different, but it had enough similarities to think it worthwhile to share my experience.

I think you should leave him. Honestly your friend would probably watch the kids for an hour if you could escape it, I know I would.

My husband financially supports us. I am disabled and have a start up business that's paying for the odd holiday. His work absolutely trumps mine because we are surviving on it and we are a team! I get support from him and he's excited for me but it's common sense. I hope you can leave x x

Then he needs to call someone who actually GAS about what he says. HER friends are not it.

It says something about someone who doesn't have any friends of their own to lean on so they have to try and glom onto a spouses.

The more I hear about this abusive, controlling, lazy, do-nothing waste of a human male, the more I applaud the OP for getting a backbone and letting her friends have her back.

If that was my wankspanner, I thank you from the bottom of my heart you absolute hero!

How I wish I could!
He deleted his account and never dared to post again. I heard plenty about the evils of Mumsnet women, though

Just here to say that it’s obvious from your first post (at least to anyone who has been there) that your H is 🚩🚩🚩 for abuse. Very glad that you and plenty of PPs also recognise this.

If you haven’t already you might find Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That? a useful read. (Download on kindle or Apple Books, read privately) it’s incredibly enlightening and empowering

💐💐

Sounds like you’re being gaslighted, and you needed some reassurance as he’s making you doubt your own reality. Of course it’s reasonable to request for an hour to work on your business. It sounds like you’re the main breadwinner and supporting this narcissist? My ex used to phone my friends and that I’ve hit him. He also made me question everything I thought was normal. Narcissists in general don’t have friends, sponge off their partners if they can and isolate their partners by destroying their reputation.

I'm not sure of your age but calling a friend about that is something I'd have done 15 years ago. I would not do that now, never in a husband's presence. It's really intrusive and I feel that sort of thing can massively under mine relationships.
Your husband is most likely upset at the fact you've brought the friend into this. It's a big no no. If you're having major issues in your relationship I'd personally go speak with a counsellor on my own and wouldn't bring friends into the middle of arguments like that. You'll undermine what you have and the friend will always have this info on him and you.

I don’t think he thinks your friends are his, I think he’s saying well if you phone her to moan about me - I’ll phone and moan about you

You both sound a bit weird. You for saying he isn’t allowed to class your friends as his, this sounds like something that would take place in primary school. You also for going to go get friend’s opinion on an argument in the middle of it. He sounds strange to say that he would ring ‘your’ friends but I’m guessing this was in retaliation to this playground scenario.

I think you call your friend because part of you senses that your husband is showing a lot of red flags with his behaviour. He wants to know every detail of your contact with anyone else, he doesn’t earn any money but moans when you ask him to actually DO SOMETHING that will help you carry on paying for everything? If you have been the sole breadwinner for 4 years, doing everything else and he is monitoring your every move, being totally unreasonable than I say you should end this relationship. Perhaps you
would like your friend to confirm that, say leave him. But most friends are more diplomatic. I am not your “friend” so I say, this man sounds toxic for sure.

How do you deduce that I haven’t been? I have actually when I was in my early 20’s, hence I’ve matured since then and don’t tolerate that sort of thing as I have boundaries and I realise my own self worth. If she can get out, she should instead of getting into situations that perpetuate his behaviour. It seemed very childish the whole thing with her friend. In any case OP has clarified a few things.

I have not read the full thread, but this gives me an excuse to rant about my ex thinking all my friends were his….

After we split it we had to keep in touch as we have a child (now adult). We get on ok.When Facebook first came out, Ex went about adding everyone he could think of, including 3 friends of mine that I went to school with and he met twice, and then he had isolated me from them as he was jealous. At this point I had not been in touch with these 3 friends for over 10 years thanks to him! There he was adding them on Facebook. I was, and still am, livid at the audacity. I wanted to keep my life now very private.

My sympathies to everyone in similar situations.

Let's hope you or someone you love is never in a coercive control, abusive situation.
Then you'd know all about toxic and exhausting. And fear, panic, anxiety, doubt and dread.

You are so much luckier than the OP.

I was on a thread when a husband did this. I believe I told him no one cared about him and to fuck off. Then I instantly reported myself .

Sadly I think all of the wankspanner's posts were deleted which was a shame as he'd demonstrated with blinding clarity how he considered the OP his possession and not an independent person worthy of respect.

But it was obvious he was going to be pissed off about you telling your friend what a twat he was being, wasn’t he? Is he physically abusive? What would he have done if you’d have told him that it was private?

He clearly wants to change the narrative to your friend so she doesn’t have a bad opinion of him, so by telling him you’ve added fuel really.

I have read all of the OP’s posts. I still think the whole thing is pathetic, he’s more in the wrong yes, but it reminded me of the school playground ‘’she’s MY friend!’’ ‘’No she’s not, she’s mine!’’ Yes, I know that’s not what OP said but it’s what came to mind 🤣

She shouldn’t have told her DH what her and her friend were discussing because it was nothing to do with him at all, but it seems like she told him to score points against him because her friend agreed with her and she wanted to rub his face in it. They need to just split because he seems like a lazy abusive arse, but it’s toxic all round.

It doesn't sound as if Op is just moaning to her friend though or getting her onside.

It seems that she can't see the wood for the trees & is rather asking is what her husband saying/doing usual?