Or do I just accept it

He doesn't sound nice and he's gaslighting you by telling you his family think you're unreasonable.

If he put effort into arranging date nights with you or days out with the kids then I say hobbies are fine in balance on the proviso you get a similar amount of time for your socialising or hobbies… that doesn’t sound like it’s the case here.

Doesn’t sound like you spend time together you just look after his kids and clean his house? So basically you’re his nanny. So no I wouldn’t spend the short time we have here living like with someone like that.

The way I see it is do you want to look back in 10years and say I was tired and lonely for most of my 20/30s

No wonder you are tired I have a 2 yr old and work 3 days a week and am zonked and my partner is very supportive.

I do think it is important for people to be individuals in a relationship and have outside interests but not to the detriment to the family unit.

Your husband's work sounds like a deal breaker to me, not having a firm time they would be home that they could meet 95% of the time would just be a huge no.

Case in point my partner is on a half day wfh today and was meant to finish 15mins ago and my patience is now thin as its my time he is taking from.

I seriously would put my little one in nursery full time with his wages and use the time to build up yourself for a while. Or take some time off work whilst your children are in school/nursery

At the end of the day if you split up what would change, chances are you would do everything you do now with less disposable income.

I would treat it as he is obviously not concerned about my happiness that I would put that to the front of my interests. Organise babysitters instead of relying on him, take him out of the equation. Treat yourself as a single parent and madate that one day per weekend is family time, he puts himself first you should do the same (even if just means self care time)

I agree it’s important to socialise with friends but that’s true for you both!

A lads night once a week!! That’s ridiculous.

It doesn’t sound like he allocates enough time to spend time with his family at all.

Your post at 12.03 really resonated with me.

I had a husband who seemed to be such a great guy (to everyone else). I felt I came last in the pecking order.

Please don’t believe everything he says. It may be true what he says about what his family thinks, but it’s just as likely they don’t.

He wants to convince you that he is not being unreasonable and to shut you up so he can continue doing his own sweet thing. It suits him, he has unlimited freedom because you don’t.

The reason you question yourself constantly is because your gut is telling you one thing, and by believing everything your husband says, your head is telling you another. Please listen to your gut.

Therapy sorted me out. In fact after just one session I realised it was him not me.

Ask yourself, does he treat you like his equal?

That’s not what a “nice guy” says or does though.

People always describe these kind of lazy shits and then call them nice guys or great Dad. They are simply none of those and they are not decent humans. If you see that the person you’re meant to love is struggling and feeling overwhelmed, you step up and support them. What an idiot.

Fucking hell another entitled bloke who thinks because he works & earns money he can somehow do whatever he pleases & you're responsible for everything at home.

I'd be fed up as well. He's so far from being a nice guy.

What makes him a nice guy? Genuine question.

He doesn't want you wanting him to be home more so he backs up his point of view with what he says his family (or anyone else he cares to use in this context) think.

People in your situation do tend to question yourself constantly, to doubt yourself, because you are being told in all manner of ways that you are the one in the wrong. What he's basically trying to drum into you is that his wants come before yours and his children's needs.

Start to not doubt yourself, that's the first step

He’s not a good guy.

So how many hours a week does he spend actively engaged with his toddlers? And how many hours actively or passively with you and awake. I think if you lay it all in terms of hours a week it'll be pretty clear that he's a pretty shot partner and an appalling parent.

Does he bring anything positive to your lives? How did he act when you missed your hair appointment? Was he sorry?

'He's a nice guy' - my arse

He slags you off to his family, too? What a fucking charmer. He thinks he's some kind of hero because he works and helps support his family, doesn't he? Nah. That's just the bare minimum.

Urgh why is he telling his family about your relationship issues?.
Because he knows they will back him regardless and he needs that because he knows he is wrong....

Your husband is totally taking the piss.

I mean, unless he's stuck in theatre doing life saving surgery or similar, then he just sounds like a selfish arse to me. Does he ever have the kids on his own?

Find a babysitter.. He can afford it... May shame him into shaping up and contributing more than dollar to his family...

Also, if you’re too tired to go out with friends, book a night for yourself in a nice local hotel and go and sleep for as much as you like, while he deals with the house and kids for once.

He needs to start behaving like a husband and father not a single bloke. Right now, especially while the kids are young, he has to prioritise family time over his hobbies and mates. That doesn’t mean he can’t ever do those things, but his normal weekly routine should be focussed on home. You are not the cleaner and the nanny, you are his wife and partner, and he needs to start valuing that and treating you like that.

He sounds selfish, I'm sure he makes it on time to his hobbies