Or do I just accept it

You have two young children and he goes out three times a week, including a 'lads night out'? He needs to grow up. He sounds like a 20 year old uni student without any responsibilities. Also why do women on MN always use the word 'hobby'? It's always either football, golf or cycling.

on these days (to start with) do nothing but self care no house work etc from 9-2

you do have bigger problems!! but it might help in the short term to put you first

Do you feel loved and respected OP? If not, then you need to decide what drastic action needs to be taken. This is not OK.

He sounds an extremely selfish man, why do his family need to know what is going on in your household!!

I would be doing my own thing on Sundays and any other evenings as soon as he arrives home.

Absolutely if he won't step up and do it he can pay for someone else who will

When do you have couple time together?

If you're just the housekeeper then you have to decide if that's your future or you want something better.

Advice from my 93 year old nan.

Would you rather have a poor man's rose and be happy and loved with whatever he brings home.

Or a rich man's gold no love but money and loneliness.

I would book myself a hotel room for Sunday and then go, say nothing to him and phone him and tell him you will be home in time for him to leave for work on Monday morning.

Can I be completely honest with you?

You need to get a backbone and tell him he needs to step up as a parent / husband or it’s over.

You sound utterly miserable and he is treating you like a maid whilst he goes out and about living his life.

“Accepting it” would be an awful thing to do.

Life is too short, OP.

Sounds like having some support to talk through your low self esteem in this relationship could be helpful? It would help you to feel clearer about your needs & boundaries.

He said you get two days to yourself in the week? Does your toddler go to nursery on those days or home with you? If they are home with you then you literally have no time for yourself? Looking after a 2 year old is a full time job and no you can't go for a nice meal, enjoy your time with friends, or do hobbies, or go for a hair cut etc

I started typing things you could do but honestly I think you need to leave or make him go to counselling to see your point of view. Because what I'm seeing is someone who had a family but carries on as normal. Someone who sabotaged his wife every time she tries to do something, by being late, when in all likelihood (if he had a hobby or was meeting mates) he would manage to be on time. Someone who isn't bothered about seeing his kids. Someone who thinks it's important for their mental health to have extensive hobbies and interests outside the home but is happy with this meaning that the other parent never has time for those hobbies and interests for themselves. Someone who gets their family to bully their wife when they disagree rather than actually trying to listen to what point you're trying to make. And Someone who ultimately thinks that because they earn decent enough money, they are more important in the relationship and can do what they like because you're trapped financially.

The only other thing I'd consider doing is just fucking off for the weekend. Get up early and just go and stay with family or go and visit somewhere yourself. You can talk again but it's not having any difference. So showing him how this actually feels might help. Text him that some time alone to do things you can't do in the week is really important and healthy and then turn your phone off.

He sounds very selfish and living as a single man. Why isn't he making time for you and the kids.

= not actually a nice guy.

Ensuring you have no time for yourself, refusing to give things up so he can commit to the family he is a member of, then telling you "everyone thinks it's your fault"? Not a nice guy.

I'd be interested to know what he's telling them, too, and what they're saying in reality.

Op, just stop living like this already. You're neglected and miserable. I would absolutely refuse to live like this. You should be the most important person in your husband's life, and you're barely an afterthought. Fuck that. You've got one life, op. Don't waste it.

He doesn't seem interested in spending any time with you, I'm sorry

Also, making you miss your hair appt is so selfish and unreasonable.

It's really depressing how often we read on here how women are treated by the men that supposedly love them. He has little respect for you and little care for his children. I honestly think you can't reason with these men and the only way they learn is by being on the receiving end...I.e. I'd ask him to look after the kids while you run an errand or similar, and then just not come home for a few hours, "oh sorry ran into my friend and went for food". Thats what he is doing to you every time he doesn't come back from work. Maybe then he'll understand what he does to you.

And I hate to say it but there are some men who are totally unsuited to family life or fatherhood and problem is you often don't really know till you are in that position- many of these guys come over pre kids that they will be great dads as they can be kind and fun etc - but the reality is they want life to continue exactly as it was pre kids and cannot- will not compromise at all.

In your first post you didn't mention kids and I was thinking fair enough. But given you have 2 young children, then you are absolutely right and he's taking the piss. I just don't understand the mind set of having children and then wanting to be away from them every weekend.

I'd be pointing out to him if you did as he does, and fucked off every weekend, there would be zero time together as a family. He's not a nice guy, he's just another guy who has children and continues to live as if he's single.

Just to mention 'nice guys' in many ways can also have a totally selfcentred side to them- my first marriage was like this and my current one of 28 years has elements of it too - but without young kids in the mix- my first husband expected to carry on as if he was young and single- but with me flying the flag at home. I was never asked/consulted- just 'told' he would be out at xyz on such a day. It builds resentment.

I do think he's right that having your own things to do makes you a more interesting person- however not when it's very one sided and this clearly is. I think you need to say that if he has 2 nights out , you need to have a regular weekly night out too- doesn't matter if you go to a bar and read a book or meet a friend or go to gym - you need to allocate that time. Same at weekend - he needs a 4 hour slot either on a Saturday or Sunday where he is responsible for kids and either you do something separate or together as a family- otherwise I will be frank he will end up divorced and he needs to be aware of that - and he will possibly actually have more childcare at set times than he has now.

thats understandable of many office jobs but doesn’t stop him communicating “I’m leaving work now, home in an hour”
or saying “I’ll make sure I leave at 6 today so you can make it to your appointment”

out of interest, how many times did he have to miss his weekday hobby because he couldn’t get out of work on time? Because it sounds like he can manage his own time fine when he wants to.

You’re his mum, you have married a teenage boy.

So start using those days to do what you like and tell him he’s in charge of cleaning the bathroom, doing 2 loads of laundry every weekend and cooking dinner 3 times a week. Because it’s not like you’re sat on your arse doing nothing during “your time”