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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gross

69 replies

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 10:11

AIBU to think this is gross. Caught H just about to go for a piss in the yard last night. He was sneakily putting his beer cans in the recycling (thinks i didnt know he was drinking, he has issues) and i was putting LO to bed. Their bedroom window faces the yard. I looked out the blind and he looked up at me, mid fly unzipping, getting into position and then we had a stand off. Eventually he zipped back up and stormed into the house. Its disgusting right? He then stormed upstairs and stood at LOs bedroom door and was shouting and swearing at me. Im angry as i was all peaceful getting LO to bed (he never does bed times) and there’s him ranting and raving. He only gets like this when hes been drinking 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

PancakeTuesdayiscoming · 08/02/2024 12:48

What culture has garden weeing as a thing?

Ohhbaby · 08/02/2024 12:47

Haha I don't even want to say this but I'm some culture weeing in the garden is very very normal. Nobody would do it on concrete, but in the garden corner? Why not? Do you think human urine stinks more than animals?

MorningSunshineSparkles · 08/02/2024 12:43

You need to protect your child from this, and him.

Thementalloadisreal · 08/02/2024 12:43

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 10:46

Ok heres the argument. I would say hes got a drinking problem from what ive read on here and asking others how much they/other halfs drink. He has one day off a week, sometimes no days off but during the week will bring home a four pack of the pint cans. Normally i dont see it as he sneaks it in under his coat/in a bag/puts one shopping bag under the table, but i know as he’s usually argumentative later on in the evening. Weekends he drinks more in pub/cans plus wine etc

he refuses to acknowledge that hes drinking to excess. He says, all his mates drink like this and im the weird one. If i say hes drank all week he denys it and gets really shouty. He sits in another room watching tv and i parent the LO.

What would you say?

Edited

I would say if it’s truly the normal behaviour he says it is then why does he feel the need to hide it?
And then I’d say, either you stop drinking to the point that you become abusive, get some help for alcoholism, or you go and live with your “mates”

Come on, it’s clear this isn’t ok.

hevs03 · 08/02/2024 12:38

If you're sister / brother or friend told you this was what was happening to them what would you advise them, to stay with their partner or to leave and create a better life for themself and their child?
You know deep down you need to leave this man, the relationship is not working for you and the effect it will be having on your child already or eventually will be horrible, they deserve to live a calm and settled life, something that they are not getting now as do you. I really hope you have family support and can see this relationship for what it is (abusive). Good luck I hope things work out for you.

SKG231 · 08/02/2024 12:28

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 12:10

I do work full time. I have been looking into divorce but it all seems so costly and complicated 🥺

Nothing will be more costly than wasting your life with this drunk loser and ruining your children’s lives and ideas of healthy relationships in the future.

get the divorce.

ChaoticBag · 08/02/2024 12:28

On the bright side it'll keep the foxes away! But yeah...not nice. Any of it.

ClockworkDisaster · 08/02/2024 12:28

He might say that he isn’t drinking too much, but if he gets aggressive on it then it is too much.

Even if a thimble full made him act like that then it would be too much.

Some people can drink copious amounts without their personality changing. Some can’t drink very much at all without changing.

It sounds like he has an issue with alcohol if he gets aggressive on it and should stop.

PancakeTuesdayiscoming · 08/02/2024 12:25

A drunk man shouting and swearing at their bedroom door at bedtimes must be fucking awful for your kids.

Please tell him to get the fuck out and divorce this revolting alcoholic.

Pudmyboy · 08/02/2024 12:19

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 12:10

I do work full time. I have been looking into divorce but it all seems so costly and complicated 🥺

What are your alternatives? To carry on in this environment, with no prospect of improvement and your kids exposed to this behaviour? Do you want this for the rest of your life?

QueenBitch666 · 08/02/2024 12:18

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 08/02/2024 11:02

Jesus men can be fucking animals at times,

That's an insult to animals

QueenBitch666 · 08/02/2024 12:18

Dump him

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2024 12:11

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 10:46

What would you say?

Edited

Goodbye?

What is the point of him?

Original poster

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 12:10

I do work full time. I have been looking into divorce but it all seems so costly and complicated 🥺

OP posts:

Ragruggers · 08/02/2024 12:02

Do you work? Rent or buying ? Can you leave with your child this is a miserable life for you and he doesn’t care and it won’t get better.Start planning,good luck.

Original poster

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 11:55

I know. It wasnt always like this. In the last couple of years he seems to have fallen. I hate it and im miserable.

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/02/2024 11:26

Why are you with him OP? He's an aggressive alcoholic who doesn't parent his children. Surely they would be better off without him around.

cannaecookrisotto · 08/02/2024 11:17

From the other side, I grew up in a shouty pissed home and it's had a huge impact on me.

As an adult, I am teetotal and hate being around drunk people, even if those people are perfectly nice.

This man sounds like a prick, and your kids will pick up on the environment.

I'd get rid.

Dexterrolledoffthesofa · 08/02/2024 11:11

Iwantmyoldnameback · 08/02/2024 10:22

Well apparently Mike Tindalls father in law does it when he lets the dogs out so it's an aristocratic behaviour. 😂

Seriously it's recommended to deter foxes from the garden.

If neither of these are relevant YANBU.

It's meant to deter foxes?? I did not know that.
We have a fox problem in our garden ......🤔

Original poster

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 11:10

Luckily its chucking it down here today so hopefully it will wash the piss away 🙄

OP posts:

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 08/02/2024 11:05

Lazy with parenting, drinks too much, verbally abusive, gaslighting...
I think him peeing in the garden is the least of your worries @Janelle7 . Although it is disgusting and I have heard it can encourage rats.

justaboutdonenow · 08/02/2024 11:02

Wow, he sounds like a right prince😬

I'd be looking at my options to extract myself from a relationship like that, we women deserve better, even if that means going it alone.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 08/02/2024 11:02

Jesus men can be fucking animals at times,

Original poster

Janelle7 · 08/02/2024 11:01

Yes you are right. I dont ever rant and rage like he does, slams doors and stomp around. Feels like we tread on egg shells at times

OP posts:

ConflictedCheetah · 08/02/2024 10:57

One person's normal is another person's too much. It doesn't matter how he compares it whether anyone else considers it too much. His behaviour towards you is not ok and is not how you want to live. You don't have to put up with it just because other people think it's ok. The end.

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