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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why people add on extra bits

31 replies

MassageForLife · 06/02/2024 23:09

to their aibu options? Sometimes I find it means I don't agree with either option, but if they had stuck to the obvious options, it would have been straightforward.

Yabu - it makes perfect sense to add extra bits, but don't worry about it because you look fab in that dress

Yanbu - I get what you are saying, which doesn't surprise me, given how amazing and intelligent you are

OP posts:
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NewName24 · 07/02/2024 19:46

Sometimes the majority of views posted on a thread aren't reflected in the vote.

Yes, I'm surprised how often this seems to happen

MargaretThursday · 07/02/2024 12:57

I wish we could see the results of the vote without having to vote. Sometimes I am interested to see what people think without reading through the comments, but don't want to express an opinion.

I think what is interesting though is sometimes you get overwhelming comments one way, and the vote is fairly neutral or even the other way. Or sometimes when the comments seem fairly even, you get a vote that's quite one way.

Priminister · 07/02/2024 12:16

I always vote YABU if someone has used AIBU to post something that isn’t an AIBU at all.

Original poster
MassageForLife · 07/02/2024 11:37

Oh I can see I misunderstood an earlier point.

Re: the context thing - more often than not it's pretty clear cut. Context isn't needed. And if you want context, you'll most probably find it in the comments.

I'm not saying that there's a right way or a wrong way to use Mumsnet. It's just interesting to hear why some people choose to limit their options for interacting with the threads.

OP posts:
Original poster
MassageForLife · 07/02/2024 11:32

Who do I want the option to vote?

Because sometimes everything I want to say has already been said.

Because the scores can tell a different story to the comments, and it's interesting to see that.

Sometimes the comments get taken over by people that are clearly passionate, and people don't necessarily want to get involved with the conversation, but having the option to vote means that you still get your say.

The 'oops I pressed the wrong button' thing is not really a big thing. You can change your vote as many times as you want. I used to see that fairly regularly, but now it's pretty rare.

'without some context as to why people think YABU or YANBU the voting score is pretty meaningless'

But people that vote still have the context - we can still see the responses? I don't get that argument.

I do agree that sometimes the voting is unclear, because the options are muddled or people haven't read the post properly - but that's a very small percentage of occasions.

OP posts:
CattingAbout · 07/02/2024 11:05

If you turn off the voting function, can you still see how the votes are going?

Nope. You can just read all the comments, like it used to be in AIBU before the voting function was added. The replies are the good bit anyway - without some context as to why people think YABU or YANBU the voting score is pretty meaningless as it could just be trolls hitting YABU to try and annoy the OP.

fatphalange · 07/02/2024 10:22

I said earlier that I never vote but actually I'm on the app so I don't have the option haha. If I could choose to vote I probably wouldn't bother anyway.

Girlsjustwannahavefungi · 07/02/2024 10:14

Out of curiosity, why don't you want the option to vote?

Why do you want the option to vote?

If you have an opinion then you can post a comment.

Sometimes the options are so unclear that any vote is meaningless.

People vote without actually reading the OP - just the title which often doesn't reflect what is actually stated in the post.

There are often posts which say "oops I pressed the wrong button".

Some of the comments make it clear that the person commenting has completely misunderstood the OP/didn't bother to read the thread or check OPs updates.

TheDandyLion · 07/02/2024 10:05

No you can't see the voting scores and I just prefer to read the discussion instead of poorly implemented measure influencing my thoughts about a topic of conversation.

Original poster
MassageForLife · 07/02/2024 09:51

If you turn off the voting function, can you still see how the votes are going?

Sometimes the majority of views posted on a thread aren't reflected in the vote.

Out of curiosity, why don't you want the option to vote?

OP posts:
TheDandyLion · 07/02/2024 09:34

Its all totally meaningless to those who have turned off the voting functions.

CattingAbout · 07/02/2024 07:53

I have the voting switched off so it doesn't really bother me.

SpraggleWaggle · 07/02/2024 07:48

Yes, I think it’s often that the OP doesn’t actually want opinions on whether she’s being unreasonable, she just wants people to agree with her, so the YANBU will be a proposition no one could disagree with and the YABU will be a proposition no one could agree with.

Eg someone has fallen out with her MIL:

YANBU everyone should deal with other people with respect

YABU and should just suck up the fact that your MIL is more important than you and bow down and kiss her gnarly feet.

londonmum1984 · 07/02/2024 07:46

BaronessBomburst · 06/02/2024 23:31

You're a lovely mum and you deserve better.

Hahahaha

fatphalange · 07/02/2024 07:44

🤣 sometimes people tailor it to get the result they would hope for. I never vote in AIBUs like that because I don't like words being put into my mouth

Original poster
MassageForLife · 07/02/2024 07:44

Boomboom22 · 07/02/2024 07:41

I can't believe after your options people are asking what you mean!

I find it annoying when the title q and the options are opposite. Eg aibu to think she is a cheeky fucker?
No she is not a cf
Yes she is being a total cf.

How could the vote ever count?
Ffs just messed that up! Bit early.

Edited

Yes!! The results are meaningless. I've seen that, and people saying 'i can't believe people are saying yabu' - but of course they are if they actually rtfop, that's what the op asked them to do.

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 07/02/2024 07:41

I can't believe after your options people are asking what you mean!

I find it annoying when the title q and the options are opposite. Eg aibu to think she is a cheeky fucker?
No she is not a cf
Yes she is being a total cf.

How could the vote ever count?
Ffs just messed that up! Bit early.

Mumoftwo1312 · 07/02/2024 07:38

Classic misunderstanding of aibu.

It's always yabu, unless it's a reverse.

Original poster
MassageForLife · 07/02/2024 07:35

@Boobettes , that's exactly the kind of thing!

I don't see it hugely often, but I saw one today. I don't want to give a specific example because it didn't feel fair to pick on a specific poster and also, that would make it a thread about a thread.

So another (made up) example

Imagine someone posts about friends falling out on holiday, maybe they want to do different things, one wants a day to sit by the pool and the other wants to go partying. Neither are wrong. The options might be:

Iabu: i should stay and try to make things work even though she's being completely boring and I'm going to have the most miserable day

Ianbu: i should leave her to do things on her own because she doesn't deserve my company and what she wants to do is beyond dull

OP posts:
NewName24 · 06/02/2024 23:59

Yes, I see this quite a bit.
They try to manipulate the vote by putting extra bits in the question at the end of their OP

I usually just post a comment saying I can't vote either way because neither option applies, and explain why.

Boobettes · 06/02/2024 23:48

I think the OP means when it's a simple case of YABU or YANBU, the poster will sometimes manipulate the vote so you don't want to go with either, because they've gone so OTT.

So instead of something like...

YABU = You should keep out of your friend's business
YANBU = You should tell her how you feel

They'll put something like...

YABU= You should keep out of your friend's business and be perfectly happy that she's going to ruin her life entirely.

YANBU= You should get involved even though that makes you a horrible, nasty, interfering friend.

Nineandahalfonabadday · 06/02/2024 23:48

YANBU but you still look fab in that dress! 😜

Trynato · 06/02/2024 23:44

Ktime · 06/02/2024 23:28

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I think OP means when someone describes what the YABU and YANBU would mean when it's already pretty straightforward. For example:

My husband wants to watch football with his friends on Valentine's day and I'm not happy about it.

YABU: let the poor lad enjoy football!
YANBU: LTB, that is disgusting behaviour. You deserve better!

Boobettes · 06/02/2024 23:43

Yes, I agree OP!

Sometimes I just can't vote because they've manipulated it that much.

Shivermetimbers13 · 06/02/2024 23:42

I would like to understand what you are talking about, but I don't.

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