Why are people so two faced

Unfortunately OP, a lot of people prefer to take the path of least resistance. They know what this couple are like, but as another poster said, they’ve also seen you be sidelined, and have decided putting up with them is easier than finding a new group of friends.

When I was a teenager there was a big split in my parents’ friendship group. The couple who caused it were 100% in the wrong, zero ambiguity - yet more people sided with them than with my parents, who were the wronged party. Oh, the other couples in the group said of course they didn’t condone such behaviour; heavens no - “but at the end of the day, they’re still our friends”. It was an early lesson in how spineless they can be.

It’s not just in friendships you see this. How many threads do you see on here where posters describe toxic colleagues making their workplace hell, and the management are fully aware, but do nothing? Because they know it’s going to be hell getting rid of a person like that. So into the sand their heads go, and they try to convince themselves that the department’s attrition rate doubling was a coincidence.

I think you have to accept this couple are going to stay friends with the others. However, you be within your rights to say, “Look, you’re preaching to the converted here. We KNOW what Sue and Bob are like - that’s why we dropped them. But if you’re not going to do anything about it, we don’t really want to be your sounding board”.

@Paloma52 sorry but i would have left this group 20 years ago at the first sign of bullying by anyone. I just will not put up with that behaviour and you have at last done the right thing. you and your partner do not need anyone else to go out with or go on holiday with. the remaining two couples will eventually come to their senses and one of the women has already stated she knows you did nothing wrong so she is being weak! you have been as bad as the remaining weak people. why has no one called her out for this behaviour before? is everyone scared of confrontation?? for goodness sake, get a grip of yourself!!

Well, tell them that then! You don't have to listen to their moaning 🤷‍♀️

Make new friends. Shd not be this hard.

Maybe it's time to distance yourself from the whole group.

Do honestly, people have bandwidht and free time for things like these, not with 1 , but 4 couples. Are you for real

this...

you can only control your behaviour, you cannot control others, no matter how much their behaviour annoys.

So distance, cut ✂️ them, stay clear, your world will be filled with less drama.

Maybe the others will come round, but in the meantime leave them in your rear view

Nail. On. Head!

I would not have the patience for a friend like you who wanted to dictate friendships and give hard and fast choices. You’re not teenagers at school, you’re all grown ups and perfectly entitled to see who you want to see. People are perfectly capable of remaining friends with two people who do not get on.

My bad I was replying to HarkGarkBark..."You sound a bit like a born-again Christian in your newfound zeal for everyone to wake up to what you regard as the awfulness of these people." But was too much of a tech noob for it to appear as a reply. To your situation - I feel your pain - I had a similar situation and ended up letting go of the whole group - it just got too gas lightly and was starting to affect my opinion of myself. I hate to say it, but some people are in our lives for a season and then you will meet others who treasure you. Since then others who have broken away from the group have made contact - it is hard to be the one blazing a trail, but I'm big on only having people in my life who actually care about me and behave like it.

Well, I suppose you need to accept they’re making a different choice, or that they enjoy aspects of the relationship enough to mean they want it to continue even if it’s problematic? You should obviously tell them you don’t want to hear anything about the ex-friends, though, although it might have a knock-on impact on your relationship with those you still see.

I have got a friend that does this about another woman we know. Cannot for the life of me understand why she is still friends with her as she is possessive and controlling, and my friend knows it but she seems to have a hold over her.
I had to distance myself because l find it so frustrating.

I’m finding this confusing. So you’ve known this couple for 20 years, but for 18 of those years you only saw them alone and thought they were great.

For the last two years, you’ve seen them as part of a group of eight, and have begun to dislike them and feel mistreated by them. In this same two year period, several other people in the group came to you to complain about them, but you refused to get involved or listen. Now you’ve finally fallen out with the couple, you’re annoyed the other people in the group are still seeing them socially?

This feels a bit prejudice singling out one people group- tbh this applies to any groupthink imo, there are many band wagonites and echo chamber dwellers of lots of kinds these days. We need to be more empathetic and thick skinned and accept that people's beliefs and values are largely situational and that we may well feel the same way in their situation.