Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD return stolen item?

189 replies

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:49

We stayed in a hotel recently. I've since found that my DD (autistic DD) has taken (stolen) one of the hotel room key cards even though it says that they need to be returned when checking out as they are reused for future customers/guests. DD says that she kept it because she "likes it" and "wants to keep it". I think she should return it/post it back to the hotel but DH says I'm "overreacting" because it is just a hotel room key card. AIBU to make DD return this stolen item?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
TheChosenTwo · 05/02/2024 22:12

I’d have said it needs to be returned purely so she can see that it’s not good to take things. They might agree to let her keep it but it’s not her decision to just take things because she likes them.
At the end of the day it’s not the crime of the century 😂

mind you, I’m literally just leaving the house with dd to return a traffic cone her dumbass friend brought round for her (god knows where he got it from but it’s been taking up valuable space in her small room for too long now) - he shouldn’t have taken it in the first place and if we knew where he lived we’d be leaving it on his doorstep! Technically it’s fly tipping because we are just planning in on leaving it at some roadworks nearby without knowing if it’s the same roadworks he found it…. Hopefully they’ll be grateful to have one extra 😤

TheBossOfMe · 05/02/2024 22:08

I’ve asked hotels if I can keep them before (I know, I’m a weirdo!) and they’ve always always said yes. It’s like collecting matchbooks used to be.

defiant2024 · 05/02/2024 22:00

Let her have it. It just doesn't matter.

Original poster
Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 21:59

Soupsetscared · 05/02/2024 21:34

Why don't you phone the hotel and explain that it wasn't returned by accident.
Then ask if your dd could keep it as a souvenir.

I have let DD keep it now but I have explained to her that in future she can't take things without asking etc.

OP posts:
Soupsetscared · 05/02/2024 21:34

Why don't you phone the hotel and explain that it wasn't returned by accident.
Then ask if your dd could keep it as a souvenir.

Original poster
Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 21:30

I've decided to let DD keep it in the end but I have spoke to her and explained that in future she can't just take things without asking.

OP posts:
tommika · 05/02/2024 21:07

PaulCostinRIP · 05/02/2024 13:03

It must be returnees but you and her could look on eBay to see if she can buy one on there as there are lots of collectible hotel key cards.

Example

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/364575938340?hash=item54e26b5724:g:kL4AAOSwzP9jl4tU&amdata=enc%3AAQAIAAAA4M9Rfa3BgwMa%2BHO1f7cFtaZUm5nXa0OQFftBUqhBxqbubKyQoIV6fxBJcS876kqrki8ZY4mCPV0%2BCfniNNH%2Ft9zxcjKpObXQvtTWeNvCtnIntieqTdXtgKDBUBoR0BJqilJaPbRcCw%2F9nJtvNng6I8T7%2F%2BEGBZpdgb%2BzlwdHQhLEW8ZvXGNVVFxBf6fExPO%2BUc9E6HHvZSWYiFOyI9dSGTksZzyUeD6jTBL6x0xnJWQ9ScsmF5euzTixaKpRyW8YKzPQzlm02f%2Bta6uBmeSjbpPrpCROBJcl5jUu6g7wxILr%7Ctkp%3ABFBM3r7nla9j

A little ironic to return a stolen key card and replace it by purchasing stolen goods from eBay

themusingsofaninsomniac · 05/02/2024 19:25

My partner has a habit of collecting them.. return one, keep the other!

Notchangingnameagain · 05/02/2024 19:07

Of course stealing isn’t ok.

But SOME people with ASD are very impulsive and can’t actually help it.

See it, want it, take it.

Be careful how you explain this as it may become something far bigger.

Stealing can become more frequent but hidden.

My child is a thief. It becomes very, very difficult to manage.

Lifeinlists · 05/02/2024 18:48

I'm worried about that ikea pencil nowBlush

Atethehalloweenchocs · 05/02/2024 18:44

Its a key card, so not a massive deal. But you mentioned her Autism. How is she with understanding right and wrong usually? Some people on the spectrum are really good at this, some not so much. And it may be that her ASD is not really an issue here. But in general, she needs to understand that you cant just keep things you like, so I would probably lean towards sending it back.

Muchof · 05/02/2024 18:21

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:33

Yes I am but I believe strongly that DD needs to understand that stealing is not ok.

Show quote history

It’s not stealing!

Why don’t you take some notice of the feedback you have been given, because all you are going to do is ensure your daughter has a warped twist on reality as you have. Seriously you need help.

Muchof · 05/02/2024 18:18

Galatine · 05/02/2024 18:12

Your fourteen year old has stolen something, (the value is irrelevant), and you are arguing the toss with her about retiring it? Try being the parent that you should be and make her return it, or take it from her and return it yourself.
The fact that she is autistic has nothing to do with it. she still needs to learn right from wrong!

Did you miss the bit that this is a hotel room key?

ollypollymolly · 05/02/2024 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Galatine · 05/02/2024 18:12

Your fourteen year old has stolen something, (the value is irrelevant), and you are arguing the toss with her about retiring it? Try being the parent that you should be and make her return it, or take it from her and return it yourself.
The fact that she is autistic has nothing to do with it. she still needs to learn right from wrong!

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 05/02/2024 18:10

I think your instincts are right if your daughter is able, I would get her to put it in the envelope and to write the address and to post it back rather than do it for her

BlueGrey1 · 05/02/2024 18:04

It’s a hotel key card, the hotel has hundreds as they are cheap, they quite often need replacing anyway as they malfunction, let her keep it as a momento, a lot of people accidentally take these home in their bags

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 05/02/2024 17:56

I have zillions of them!
Take a chill pill

ComfortableAtLastTookLongEnough · 05/02/2024 17:47

I am not even sure if this is real anymore.

LE987 · 05/02/2024 17:44

Regardless of whether the ‘hotel’ has loads or not you can’t just take something just because you want it which is what OPs DD needs to learn. I wouldn’t post it back as that’s just crazy but I wouldn’t let DD keep it either.

Smellslikesummer · 05/02/2024 17:43

I completely agree OP, also it is best to make your point with a key card than not say anything and have to handle it later when (if) she does it again with something of a higher value.

XiCi · 05/02/2024 17:29

sunnydays8 · 05/02/2024 16:35

I can't believe you've actually gone in her room and taken it. Poor girl, you won't end up with a good relationship with her.

That's without factoring in that her dd is autistic so likely to be distressed at a possession being taken from her room and thrown away. Sometimes people's behaviour is just unfathomable. OPs husband and most of this thread have told her she's being ridiculous but no her daughter Must Be Taught A Lesson

hereforthetea · 05/02/2024 17:22

Who knew key cards with a gateway drug.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 05/02/2024 17:19

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 14:23

I've got the key card out of her room now. I can understand she wants a souvenir from the hotel so what I have done is taken these photos of the key card and I will laminate them for her to keep so that she still has a sounvnir from the hotel after the key card has been sent back. DH doesn't agree with me but at least I'm trying to teach DD that stealing isn't ok.

But now your technically lying to her so is lying ok when it suits but taking a hotel key card is punishable?

onlythebrave3 · 05/02/2024 17:17

Coffeehelpsmebemum
This is utterly ridiculous. You've said your daughter has got to 14 and never stolen and she thought you could keep the key card, so she didn't even have the intention to steal? I'm astounded you can go from this to her needing a hard lesson or she'll be shoving stock up her top in Primark. There's a huge difference.

Swipe left for the next trending thread