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Original poster

DD’s behaviour at neighbours house

69 replies

Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 18:03

Dh just picked Dd, 5 up from neighbour friends house and said the mum was sort of telling them off. Dd was throwing rocks into their pool and said their dc was throwing rocks at the cat (the mum didn’t see this)
As Dh was taking Dd to go, she shoved her hand into a bowl of chocolates and took them (didn’t ask or hadn’t been offered them)
How would you address this?

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Original poster
Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 05/02/2024 11:21

I’m also wondering whether to speak calmly to him about being kind to animals when he comes to ours

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Original poster
Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 05/02/2024 11:19

Spoke properly and calmly to my Dd this morning. Apparently they were on the trampoline in the front garden, went into the back garden and the rock throwing started by the pool. Apparently the mum, grandparents and brother and sister were home, but not one was outside with them by the pool. The mum came out sometime later and got cross with them because of the throwing stones.
Ive told Dd that he can continue to come to play at ours but not to ask to go to his house for a while because of the pool and if he asks for her to come to his house, she says she will say she can’t play by the pool without someone watching her.
I also said she can say to him it’s not kind to throw stones or hurt animals. She did say they watch the videos on YouTube of funny animals, I don’t know if this influences him.
Im a little worried if the mum hears this she’ll be offended that I’m implying Dd isn’t watched at her house 😬but…she isn’t

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TheNanny24 · 05/02/2024 09:57

Not enough supervision at this house.

Of course your 5 year old can't swim fully clothed in a freezing swimming pool, doesn't matter how much of a great swimmer she is while supervised in a warm pool in her swimsuit.

I don't think the boy is a serial killer in the making, he's just not getting enough supervision/correction around animals. 5 year olds are still learning but someone needs to be there to teach them.

Definitely wouldn't be allowing my child round there again, if she drowns or is attacked by the dog that would be on you.

Lifebeganat50 · 05/02/2024 09:51

Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 22:29

@MariaLuna She can swim

In clothes?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/02/2024 00:33

Keep your child away from their home, and keep that child away from your pets.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/02/2024 00:23

If the neighbour has told them to help themselves to sweets and chocolate it's hard for your DD to have them taken away. Although, she can be taught that things can be done differently in different homes. Regardless, I wouldn't be letting her play there again as the pool sounds like a risk, unless it is fenced and the water inaccessible. The boy's behaviour to animals is worrying, I would tell the mother. I would also be very, very wary about letting him near your dog

ChangeAgain2 · 04/02/2024 23:56

I wouldn't let her go on play dates for a while. She's not mature enough to play at other people's houses without you. Realistically,she's only little but I'd be mortified.

Gagaandgag · 04/02/2024 23:08

The behaviour towards animals needs addressing

marshmallowburn · 04/02/2024 23:07

Where I live all pools must be fenced, so I was assuming your dd was throwing stones over the fence. Covers do not stop drowning btw ( well most of them).

DreamTheMoors · 04/02/2024 22:53

Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 18:13

I said to Dh about the pool, he thinks I’m overreacting

It’s all fun and games until somebody finds a five-year-old at the bottom of the neighbor’s pool after she’s been missing for 45 minutes.

This happens to children even with a houseful of adults quite frequently in the U.S.
I believe California requires you fence your pool in - that’s how bad it got: they needed a rule to fence their pools because so many children were drowning.

Every year. Every damn year there are reports of children drowning in family pools.

This is an excellent reason to give your kids swim lessons whether or not you have a pool. Pools are like magnets to little kids.
They don’t jump in voluntarily - they see that cute little ducky thermometer floating on the surface and reach out to get it… and in they go. Or they see that swan pool float or other pool toys that people don’t stop to think would be attractive to children.
Every. Fucking. Year.

MereDintofPandiculation · 04/02/2024 22:33

Mumoftwo1312 · 04/02/2024 18:21

Don't let the neighbour babysit/host playdates any more. Unattended 5yo near a pool is a drowning risk - and I say this as the mum who never uses reins and got trashed on another thread for being "reckless"! Even I draw the line at letting kids play near a pool unattended...!

posted without seeing other responses

Original poster
Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 22:30

@MariaLuna He says of course the parents are watching them

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Original poster
Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 22:29

@MariaLuna She can swim

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MariaLuna · 04/02/2024 22:27

I said to Dh about the pool, he thinks I’m overreacting

Well, then he's an idiot.

A friend of mine's son fell into a pond and drowned before they realised what happened.

Get him to take her to swimming lessons.

Original poster
Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 22:27

@StSwithinsDay Im not sure if fenced, I assumed was covered, especially in winter (it’s not freezing, but they’re not using it) Dh says it wasn’t covered

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Original poster
Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 22:26

@mathanxiety She was disciplined and was quite upset, she wasn’t allowed the chocolates, it was strange talking to her as she said the mum says they can take it from the box/tin whenever they want and that her friend and her run in and get seeets and chocolate etc all the time

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StSwithinsDay · 04/02/2024 22:24

Is the pool fenced in any way? They sound completely negligent.

Original poster
Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 22:24

@commonground Not U.K.

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commonground · 04/02/2024 22:22

Do you mean a swimming pool? Are you in the UK? Because no one would have an uncovered pool at this time of year. It would have a winter cover on. So yeah, the rock thing sounds kind of odd tbh.

Original poster
Cantbelieveitslightatthistime · 04/02/2024 22:20

@Mumoftwo1312 I don’t believe she’s making it up, plus Dh saw him previously with his dog and told him not to do things like that

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Letsgocamping67 · 04/02/2024 22:13

And it’s a minute to drown what are they thinking!

Letsgocamping67 · 04/02/2024 22:13

Yes the mum needs to know. Sounds like your child is being used as a good influence maybe. Id definitely put a stop to it but your DH reaction is most likely because he was shocked on the moment.

mathanxiety · 04/02/2024 22:07

Cruelty to an animal is an early sign of psychopathy.

Don't let your child play with this kid any more.

Report the boy's behaviour to the school safeguarding lead. It is a significant red flag, and the school needs to know about it.

SleepingBeautySnores · 04/02/2024 22:07

Kids who are cruel to animals when they're young, do quite often carry a cruel streak throughout their lives, and this can result in children murdering playmates, etc. see article below.

https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/are-kids-who-abuse-animals-destined-to-become-serial-killers

Personally, I wouldn't be allowing my child to play there again, for both reasons. However, if this is a problem and you're a better parent, ie, supervise your kids, and others when playing, then you could perhaps have him to your house, but I'd be watching him like a hawk with my animals.

Are Kids Who Abuse Animals Destined to Become Serial Killers?

Cruelty against animals is one of the traits from the MacDonald Triad, a framework that was once thought capable of identifying serial murderers and people with violent tendencies. But there's more to this disturbing behavior than previously believed.

https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/are-kids-who-abuse-animals-destined-to-become-serial-killers

AlphaBravoGamma · 04/02/2024 22:06

Yes, it fucking is.

And his shit parents should know about it.

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