Custody battle .. what can I expect ?

@WandaWonder Absolutely, what would I know? I've only gone through the family court system about 6/7 times over the period of 10 years.

You need legal advice not randoms on the internet

@Notamum12345577 That was absolutely not my experience. Still a patriarchal system as I'm sure many will concur.

I would say the courts are biased the other way, towards women

@ClownFishFin There was. Nothing was raised re concerns for me; I was honest and open. He barely said anything and when he did he lied through his teeth. Even the "professional" evaluating fell for his manipulation which I suppose is hardly surprising as he genuinely is such a sociopath he believes his own lies!!
So in essence it was a waste of time.

Was there a Psych evaluation too?

@Mumstheword37 @Julias21 Thanks both. Sadly I only see one of my sons (13) every other Weds Sunday and the other (16) just every other weekend. It's so hard to maintain a decent relationship with them, especially as ex was given 50/50 since they were 3 and 6 (despite me being absolutely their main carer).
When I first left with the kids for safety (2014) a police officer came out to see he at my parents because I'd reported that I was very scared of my ex and what he might do. Her words were "Well unless you show me bruises then nothing I can do."
My Cafcass Officer (2020) was also appalling and completely won over by my ex. Nobody listened when I told them that he used to take my purse away so I couldn't buy food, that he used to lock me out if I went past my "curfew" of 10pm, that his words to me when I tried to speak to him about our issues were "You dare leave and you'll lose everything, bitch."
He was right.
@Mumstheword37 I am just so relieved for you that you have solid evidence to protect your kids, I so totally understand how convincing these narcs can be. You can do this 💐 x

@LorlieS I'm so sorry you’ve experienced this, that is absolutely awful. My ex was a toxic, gas lighting emotially and financially abusing alcoholic but I only had to actually raise the issue of his drinking. Probably because he wasn’t fighting for custody. It’s so bad tbh that the social worker at cafcass couldn’t see through him and his bs, that said we had to go to mediation before court and she believed all his lies and told me I was using my children as pawns to get at him which I absolutely refute to this day.
Again, im so sorry 😞

@ClownFishFin The Court requested medical records of both my my ex-husband and I. I provided all of mine but he simply failed to provide them. It was simply overlooked. There were definitely things he had to hide.

The Court can request a Psychological Assessment, if there is concern about a person's mental state and sometimes when parents are accusing one another of things such as Parental Alienation etc. I'd suggest you look this up. https://www.familylawdecisions.co.uk/useful-information/psychological-assessment-expert/

The Court can also request medical records.

@Mumstheword37
What I feel I should add is that it doesn't always end in the "right" way. Cafcass failed me and my sons so drastically because my ex-husband was a "silent" abuser. A skilled manipulator.
If abuse has happened that you can clearly evidence then all good. But if the abuse has ongoing but insidious in its nature then less so.
A part of me wishes I'd have stayed and endured it rather than have lost my sons for so much of the time.
But the case here is that the abuse can be clearly evidenced so I'm sure it will all work out the way it should.
You've got this, OP ❤️

Thanks OP. I always like to comment on these types of posts to give first hand experience, because these bastard men torment us and then terrify us into thinking we will lose our children and it boils my piss! Please know that no court in the land will think badly of you for genuinely protecting your child.

My ex had to do a drink test but I had to pay half which annoyed me but I think it was because I insisted.

With regards to a solicitor, if you go without you can apply for what’s known as a McKenzie friend-if you Google it it will give you the info. My ex chose to use a charity that sends a volunteer to support him (the mckenzie friend isn’t allowed to speak in court). I didn’t want a stranger with me, so I just went on alone. It was intimidating at first but I just kept re singing myself I was there for my sons.
Though at our final court appearance I took my mum in (I think I’d realised she qualified as a mckenzie friend too).

@Allofaflutter absolutely. The only money I spent on in being taken to court was the train fare there.

@Mumstheword37 Ah that's good ❤️ I suppose if an ex is very clearly unsafe Cafcass will hopefully take note.

Hi OP, please do not worry. I was taken to court in 2018 by my alcoholic ex as I was being unreasonable trying to keep them safe from him l (he was drinking and drink driving with them when they were 4 and 2)

I was more than happy for him to take me to court tbh although it was a very stressful process.
My advice would be to take notes, keep it all documented. No phone calls, you need written proof of things you have both said. And stick to the facts.
Cafcass were absolutely fantastic with both me and my children. Both my sons had to be separately interviewed by a cafcass social worker as was I. I was always just very honest and the truth was I wanted my sons to see their dad, to have a relationship with him, because he’s their dad and they love him but I want them to be safe when they’re with him.
He tried to bring up my mental health issues against me too 🙄 again I was honest. I represented myself in court as I could not afford a solicitor and all three times the staff were so lovely to me. My ex had to prove he wasn’t drinking and we eventually went through supervised access (and that was after a long time of me supporting our own supervised access at his mums, in local children’s centres) but that stopped as he kept verbally abusing me etc.
The day after the court order came in the post, just two days after court, where he was allowed access again he turned up drunk at my house in his car to collect our sons who were so excited to finally be allowed to go to daddy’s again.

Obviously I refused and he said court will hear about this!
I spoke to court, a solicitor (just on the phone a free 30 min consultation) and cafcass and they all said I hadn’t breached the court order as I was keeping my children safe.
Back to court and they wouldn’t allow any access at all until he was sober for 2 years. He spent that 2 years drinking and then he died. It was heartbreaking for my children but at least they were safe from him.

With regard to the weed I was told by a friend it’s not taken that seriously, but that was about 10 years ago so that may have changed. I do hope so as he could drug drive with your DD in the car etc.

We are here to support you xx

The court can request drug tests.

@LorlieS i disagree, I definitely don’t think they favour men. In all other aspects of life, yes but not in family court.

It’s hard to say until it goes to court. But I can’t see anyone saying it’s fine to be wheeling a newborn around to his mate’s house for a smoke. Again the fact that you drastically reduced contact after learning this shows you are trying to safeguard your daughter. This article might be helpful.

https://www.incourt.co.uk/amp/why-are-drug-or-alcohol-tests-ordered-in-child-custody-case

But when you say ‘they’, it needs to be ‘him’. His mother isn’t entitled to contact and he needs to be the one putting his case forward. From what you’ve said about him, I don’t think he will. Especially once he realises he’d be drug tested weekly.