To wonder how this is possible

You seem to have missed all my points.

As I said I've never pushed them, they are not constantly busy, they've always right throughout life been told just try their best and whatever the outcome it would be fine as long as they know they tried. They are both switched on so I totally get that they will have been the type of child who found things at school a bit easier etc. They rest whenever they want, especially given that they are young adults! But even when they were younger we've always balanced things by making sure there's also time for relaxing, that's just as important as other things. So this is not a criticism or anything, but not every child who does well has been pushed! I done well at school, went on to do well at college and on to a great career which I'm very proud of. Absolutely no one pushed me.

Yes, I also noted that she’s an only child, so dp has more time to give her. It’s easier to ferry one child around on their activities than three, plus your finances are only split one-way.

To be a top tennis player, get good work experiences etc, does involve alot parental support (and some pushiness) although the child has to get that way inclined also.

Wasbedeudetetdas · Today 15:08

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 15:02

Some people - or their parents - are just driven.

We're not all driven by the same things though”

Quite. Was thinking specifically of circumstances of OP’s.

I’m driven by my hobbies and interests. Manual labour, not so much 😁 Kids are the same. Husband loves his work.

We're not all driven by the same things though.

Just a thought, not a criticism or directly aiming at you, but 'pushing' can take many forms - for example normalising constantly being busy, normalising disappointment at anything less than top grades, normalising feeling guilt at resting etc etc.

Some people - or their parents - are just driven.

So she plays a sport, does A Levels and has a part time job...is that not all fairly standard for someone that age? Both of my children are like this and it's all been their own choice, they are both driven and independent and want to do well at the things they do. No one has ever pushed them, they've never even needed a nudge.

I don't think she's particularly exceptional though? She's bright and has a part time job - that's not unusual at all. She plays sports competitively too - lots of teens do. She really doesn't sound that unusual amongst my teens peer group.

The work experience is good, but realistically was quite likely to have been the result of parents connections, and was only a couple of weeks so not really relevant to the day to day.

Completely agree.

“Better?” Not really. Better at being busy maybe. Does that make someone “better?” FYI high achieving doesn’t make a person a “better” person either.

Exactly. And also as people we are different levels of extroverted & introverted- some people are happiest always “on” and out there doing something, mixing with people etc whereas others need down time or at least time to themselves or to switch “off” and recharge a bit or even to work in silence/alone. I’m a mixture personally- I could not go for long like this girl in the OP as I need time to myself at least once or twice a week -a break. The more intense my life has got (im a single mum now) the more precious that downtime has become and is soo needed. When I do do things I’m passionate and put my all into everything
and do things generally well ie my job, being a good mum, friend, relative, pet owner but it’s definitely in my nature to function better with regular time “off.”

Once again people mistakenly measuring success on how busy someone is or how much they “do” how about we look at who they are as people, how they treat others and their outlook and morals.

My son swam competitively when he was younger - as soon as they reach the higher level squads they tend to have a pretty high training load, and they often train in the higher squads at late primary age (10/11) onward. If it's mostly the child's motivation/love then it's great, because they learn work ethic, dealing with disappointment, time management and so on. The problem arises when it's the parent pushing too hard and the child isn't actually getting anything out of it. I've seen both scenarios and I always felt sorry for the poor children who were never quite good enough in their parents eyes.
We need to value effort and attitude almost as much as actual achievement, because achievement does come easier for some.

Surely it’s just different personality types, and the luck of having a parent who supports that rather than trying to fit the child into a different mould.

Equally there could be a child who needs time to daydream and be alone with their own thoughts and then turns out to be an amazing author.

Or a child who is always outside, running around and getting dirty, and as an adult leads amazing expeditions to climb mountains or race around the world on a yacht.

It’s the right match of child to supported opportunity.

I think it's unrealistic not to consider that it may be the involvement of pushy parents, because it often is (and yes, I've seen it in action).

I’d say she’s just really driven and has engineered those opportunities and good luck to her. Some kids are just like that. I’ve got 3 kids, 2 adults now and one almost 16. Middle is very driven, natural born leader and is the president of a sports unit at Uni, has got himself an internship at a great company and hopefully will have himself a graduate role out of it. His first job was at a prestigious place in London. Eldest is pretty lazy, is working but is happy to stay at a fairly low level as that suits him. Youngest naturally very shy, but also very intelligent but time will tell if she’s able to get herself some good opportunities

Well you say your kids couldn't fit it in but what time do they all get up? What time do they "finish" for the day and go to bed? How much sleep do they get? How many chores do they do or how much stuff are they responsible for their own lives?

Your kids could squeeze it all in but you didn't choose for them to do all that growing up. No shame in that.

You say she still socialises but does she get proper down time? Does she get time to relax?

Why have you assumed that all As at A level is making her busier than average?
I got all As (many years ago!) and I put less time into that than my sister who got BCC.

Loads of teenagers have a really time consuming sports commitment.

The work experience was two one-offs.

I feel sorry for your daughter feeling intimidated by her.

I thought I was a reasonably high achiever but I feel tired just reading this! 😅 I would love for my DC to have such a fun filled weekend, but I don't think I could manage it. I think some of us are just better OP! Your stepdaughter being one of them

I think it's unfair to say it's pushy parents.i think it's personality .
i have two DC one wasn't happy until doing something, joined every club going and volunteered for everything the other was happy doing very little and had to be encouraged to do things.
Both were equally successful at school and university.

It could be down to peer pressure if she's mixing with kids with a similar drive to succeed, it rubs off .

I meant lucky for your daughter, not you.

She was lucky enough to benefit from your efforts.

Luck doesn’t even begin to describe it.

I didn’t go to University as one of the first people who would get a loan and it terrified me. I can from a fairly crap background my mum had severe mental health issues. I looked after her lot as a child. I went from that to a marriage that I was in for 14 years before my exh had a mental breakdown and now he lives off grid and never sees either child.

I lucked out because I interviewed for a role at my company then I turned it down. The HR director liked me and my skills so much she brought me back to meet the CEO who really wanted someone of my skill set, which was quite a usual mix. He didn’t care that I didn’t have a degree. He was massively supportive of me. He stepped down and the new CEO really values my skills and knowledge and promoted me. It was him who offered the flat. I was saving every bit of spare money I had to pay for it for her, as I know how difficult these positions are.

I never expected to be in a job that would enable me to give dd (and in future ds) the support I can give them. I have worked hard but had an incredible amount of luck. And I am so grateful she can benefit.

Wasbed I literally don't know anyone who isn't a swimmer who is up at 4am to train, get home at 8pm and attends school, college or works as well as competitions at weekends etc.

I can assure you he does more than is normal - but he loves swimming and has Olympic dreams.

I think athletes in general just have a different level of genetic energy because they have to to maintain training demands alongside everything else required of life.

Your DS is doing a fairly normal amount imho.