To be disappointed in DB/DSIL

My bil and sil were far better off than us, we had just moved house, and were a little overstretched! She suggested that we didn't buy presents for each other, but spend money on the children in our families, I willingly agreed as she had a habit of buying me things like tea towels!
So I spent more than usual on their children, I think I bought them both a medium set of lego, which cost £10 to £15 (40 years ago) they bought my 2 a set of 5 lead pencils each. This was the last in a long history of mean manipulations!

Is your DCs the first birthday of this calendar year? If so, after the £4 gift you could speak up now rather than wait for the full cycle to complete. ‘Hey SIL, I’ve been thinking ahead of the next birthday that I’ll struggle with ideas for a small present for DN so wondered about spending a little more but doing the kitty for an activity idea? Then sell the virtues of that, how it gets you spending time together, less plastic tat to landfill, a day for you adults where you know the kids are occupied etc. your DC would get the treat day out plus their £4 present in the end.

A SIL of mine ( now ex) bought my kids presents with the $2 sticker still on them we'd spent about $40 per child on hers. Her husband was a multi-millionaire.

Stop asking what they want! Put a fiver in their card. Move on!

Regift Peppa Pig to SIL x

I have a CF sil that openly says what her son wants for his birthday but has not once asked what ours do. When dh did tell bil one year that our son was massively into transformers and anything related would be great they gave him something that was clearly for their son but had been duplicated. He is older than our son by 3 years so it wasn't age appropriate and I had to put it away. At that point dn was an only child and we had two kids, I very much felt that they begrudge spending on ours. Dh would ask them too what he wanted which would annoy me as they never reciprocated, he did stop when he saw they didn't make the same effort. I'm not one for allowing resentment to build and so when sil tried the same when she had her dd I told her that was great and at least she knew what to get her child, that we'd be getting dn something based on our budget in the exact way that they do and have always done for our kids. Mil too said dn is older and has preferences now and I responded that my children do too! They too have a higher income then ours.

To save drama you could just do whatever amount suits in a card but I find cf ought to be shut down or they carry on.

I’m all for a bargain but it has to fit and be appropriate for the child.

Work to their budget. Along a fiver at a gift or stick a few coins in a card with a bag of haribo old school granny style.

5 in a card going forward. The cheek of her of telling you the gift was 4. Be prepared for some sort of backlash because people like these can't handle their own medicine. Remind her of the 4 pound bargain and ask her why that's ok?

Regift it back to the older child for their birthday.

This! Don’t go looking for drama, token £10 presents ongoing.

I would suggest - especially at Xmas-.that you will.sort a pressie for your dc and Mark it from them ans they can do the same for their dc and mark it from you - then any tightness is visited back on themselves.

The other alternative is to suggest.a.joint trip as a present for all dc and you ho halves on the cost with them - eg theatre tickets or theme park. Especially good for avoiding tat and an experience as a gift is great imo

Fabulous idea! Kids have way too much crap now anyway

Good Op. I can't stand people who take advantage like this. Especially family!

Same happened to me as a child with my mother’s sister. Just buy cheap gifts for them. They are awful and your child will be affected by this if it doesn’t stop. I’ll never forget as a child when my DM bought a teenage cousin gorgeous gold earrings for Xmas and I got an umbrella from the cousins mother, my aunt. My DM was so upset as was I and let’s just say they were quite shocked at the gifts they got after that when my mother went out of her way to buy cheap gifts for their kids. And that family were far far wealthier than us, and my DF really helped them during difficult times but that’s another post !

Peppa Pig for a 10 year old. Are their kids younger? Absolutely do not ask for suggestions this year. Buy her kids a big bag of sweets or something second hand on vinted / eBay, which looks almost new or is new.

I have a sil like this. All siblings agree an amount via a what's app group for birthdays and Xmas, we all ask for cash in card and she goes off piste as her DC spotted something that he really wanted to get my DC, which in real terms was cheap and shit. I put my foot down last year and insisted on cash in card, or we would be reciprocating and going off piste too! It really isn't about the amount but when you have 3 aunts one side, that's a potential £30 which can buy 1 nice present or be clubbed together with other birthday money towards a much more expensive item.

I like the family outing or cash in a card.

We had this too. CF in general to be honest. Match the cost in terms of price and thought. You are being used.

Stop the gifts.
For each child, both families put 10 in a kitty (so in this case there are 4 kids so there will be 80). Use this money to do an activity, once a year, that the kids mutually agree on (paintballing, lasertag, go-karting, theme park).

I'd say from now on your children would like money in a card as they want to open their own savings accounts so any birthday or Xmas money they can put in their accounts to save up for something they really want ie an xbox game,garden swing etc.

So just stop doing it? Better yet, suggest no gifts and do a family experience together instead with all of the cousins

I would be returning the favour. Charity shop tat (with lots of glitter)