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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to break bad?

208 replies

ConciseQueen · 03/02/2024 21:13

I’m thinking of going to the dark side. Crime can pay a lot. And I am skint.

So, from Monday, I am a gun for hire. I’ll need a crew.

Any bad dudes with me?

OP posts:
NoMoreLifts · 04/02/2024 04:51

WalkingThroughTreacle · 03/02/2024 22:23

Meth cooking sounds interesting. Do you have an airfryer recipe for it?

Show quote history

Well, meth won't last like a Mumsnet chicken.
You'll be cooking all day to keep up with demand, I imagine.
It will be like post-school fridge-raiding teenagers /zombie mashup.

JMSA · 04/02/2024 03:23

Ok, fuck it, count me in.

Plus points:

  • I have great boobs and a massive arse.
  • Long blonde hair and blue eyes.
  • I have a soft Scottish accent but can speak two other languages.
  • People generally like and trust me.
  • I make good tea, hot chocolate and sandwiches.
  • I'm funny as fuck and calm under pressure.

Negatives:

  • I am quite plump and also unfit, so can't run.
  • I don't drive Grin
JMSA · 04/02/2024 03:17

FourLeggedBuckers · 03/02/2024 23:43

My dog keeps digging holes in the garden that are just crying out for body parts before I fill them in…

Again, as below Smile

JMSA · 04/02/2024 03:15

RicePuddingWithCinnamon · 03/02/2024 21:25

I am in. Let’s rob someone rich but an arsehole so we don’t feel too bad about it.

May I suggest my ex husband.
He'd fit the bill perfectly Grin

Lwrenn · 04/02/2024 03:12

I'm in.

Specialist skills I remember how everyone takes their tea and coffee.
I'm not quite Barry grant, but I do have his accent and curls.

May I join? I've also been known to make a decent sandwich in my time if you need more persuasion.

Dustyblue · 04/02/2024 03:00

I'm so in. With all these potential distractions going on, I can use hubby's truck to winch the front wall off the bank. Then you ambush.

Can borrow his rifles, and my son's nerf gun has a range of 30 metres.

Tezza1 · 04/02/2024 02:29

@ghostyslovesheets The Monty Python blokes used to love frock up at any chance, didn't they? Generally incongruously, yet always so successfully. Golden days!

Tezza1 · 04/02/2024 02:21

@poetrylover Manny Montana as Rio was worth drooling over, wasn't he? The perfect actor in the perfect role for him. I'm almost embarrassed to say, I chased down other things that he was in, but no, it just wasn't the same. A bit like Nathan Fillion as Mal Reynolds in Firefly/Serenity. That duster coat and braces!

I am shallow.

Manyandyoucanwalkover · 04/02/2024 01:33

I have a decent sized RV, we can hunker down in that whilst I do some cooking. I have an air fryer on board so good to go. Come on bitches, let’s do this.

TimeForTeaAndG · 04/02/2024 01:31

RicePuddingWithCinnamon · 03/02/2024 21:53

Do you have glorious boobies like Beth?
They would be useful as a distraction to witnesses or to create a diversion.

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Don't know about the PP but stick me in a push up bra with my 30FF and I'd give Beth a run for her money.

I can drive and I'm a pretty accurate shooter.

I can also bake, sew...fuck maybe I am Beth 😆

Coffeetwosugars · 04/02/2024 01:17

Can't believe I missed this. Currently embracing a mid life crisis and this sounds like the perfect distraction... can I be in charge of the heist sound track if its not already covered?

BodiesHitTheFloor · 04/02/2024 01:16

We’ll need a network of safe houses to lay low. Any suggestions?

Ive got a small shed on my allotment, prob sleeps 2. Theres also a hammock strewn between two baby conifers, thats 3 beds. God, if my old headmaster who told me id be good for nothing but sweeping the streets could see me now.

MrsAvocet · 04/02/2024 01:07

I'm not sure you're all thinking the health and safety aspects of this plan through properly. If anyone is going to be handling hazardous substances, running with scissors or similar during the heist you really need a robust risk assessment. I'm your woman for that.

FancyAnxiety · 04/02/2024 00:53

I have glorious boobies if that helps?

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 03/02/2024 23:55

If you can find a bank manager who is kinky and into a fat greying, boring 50 plus year old woman then I’ll happily whip him or wee on him (or her, or they, no judgements here) to keep him distracted while you rob the place?

Ελλe · 03/02/2024 23:48

My camper van is at your disposal - safe house that can be moved!

and a very noisy sausage dog - for intimidation.

owlsinthedaylight · 03/02/2024 23:45

BodiesHitTheFloor · 03/02/2024 23:40

@alifeinredroses Van Op buddies! -hope you're not a farter 😳

No, that’s @ArabellaScott

FourLeggedBuckers · 03/02/2024 23:43

My dog keeps digging holes in the garden that are just crying out for body parts before I fill them in…

BodiesHitTheFloor · 03/02/2024 23:40

@alifeinredroses Van Op buddies! -hope you're not a farter 😳

Roadtripwithkids999 · 03/02/2024 23:39

I can talk to anyone about anything and everything. I could distract the security guard HTH

LoseMeLikeAnArrow · 03/02/2024 23:37

@ArabellaScott I think they should meet.

Muffseverywhere · 03/02/2024 23:36

We’re having a complete garden make over in the next week or so…the patio will be coming up so any bodies…..just a thought 🤔

ArabellaScott · 03/02/2024 23:35

My friend has pretty hands and a really huge face.

UnctuousUnicorns · 03/02/2024 23:35

ConciseQueen · 03/02/2024 22:32

So many talents - this crew is unstoppable.

We can Zoflora the bank exits to throw sniffer dogs off our tracks, but that won’t hold them for long.

We’ll need a network of safe houses to lay low. Any suggestions?

I have an Anderson in the garden - at least I will when I've cleared the junk out of it, Could be spiffing fun pretending it's 1944 with bombs dropping on us.

LoseMeLikeAnArrow · 03/02/2024 23:34

My friend has a really pretty face and huge hands - I think we can use this combo.