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AIBU?

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Original poster

Using the word Rape

93 replies

Windywuss · 02/02/2024 14:11

Aibu...to flinch when people use the word rape in contexts other than sexual assault? We've got an ongoing campaign in my area about over development of green belt and the loss of natural habit. I'm on the side of the people wanting to protect nature... (Not getting into a housing debate here ).

Some people...well, men in fact keep referring to the rape of the countryside. I hate it. It's such an emotive word and hetro men rarely experience actual rape. It really jars.

I also hate the use of porn ..food porn, property porn etc. But that's not as bad for me, I just don't like it.

Anyone feel the same?

It's used for shock value but women who've experienced rape probably don't use it as flippantly.

OP posts:
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TooMinty · 02/02/2024 19:34

ErrolTheDragon · 02/02/2024 19:19

And there isn't another term which exactly means 'rape' in the sense of the crime, whereas there are many other words which could be used for violating the countryside etc.

Yes, exactly - they could make the same point as strongly with another word - but they choose that one...

ErrolTheDragon · 02/02/2024 19:19

And there isn't another term which exactly means 'rape' in the sense of the crime, whereas there are many other words which could be used for violating the countryside etc.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/02/2024 19:17

They are using the word properly, this is what it means. The use of a word to mean sexual assault is only one small aspect of its meaning. It means to violate, and that violation can be a city, a country, a person, an area... etc.

FFS. It's not 'one small aspect', it's far and away the primary meaning now.Hmm

AliceMcK · 02/02/2024 19:05

I use to work in a sales department, the sales reps used this all the time, I hated it. I suspect they deliberately used it at times to make the admin teams uncomfortable, all male sales team and all female admin staff.

Pinkelephant66 · 02/02/2024 18:19

I hate the word and men using it the way you’ve described is awful!

TooMinty · 02/02/2024 18:18

Thanks @PudgeControlsTheWeather - I was worried no one would get my badly explained point!

It's just the subtle default male/women not fully human undertones that I hate so much

WaterHound · 02/02/2024 18:12

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/02/2024 17:14

Yanbu it normalizes rape and adds to rape culture

How?

Original poster
Windywuss · 02/02/2024 18:11

@SmellyKat10 no, I haven't told the person who used it not to, as much as I'd like to. But I do think meaning changes. I think we can talk about it and it's good to know I'm not the only one who finds it uncomfortable. Perhaps using it in the less common usage to refer to something other than sexual assault contexts will fade out. I hope so

OP posts:
WaterHound · 02/02/2024 18:09

ProfessorPipsqueak · 02/02/2024 14:23

I'm really surprised at the people who haven't heard of the usage of rape as a verb to mean despoil or plunder. It is often used in an environmental sense. Personally that usage doesn't bother me but I understand why others may have issue with it.

Me too. It is a powerful word and sums up well what we are doing to our beautiful earth.

SmellyKat10 · 02/02/2024 18:04

Don’t like it.

But I also don’t like this thinking that we can start telling grown adults how they may and may not use certain words.

Gowlett · 02/02/2024 18:04

Agree. I don’t like it either.
once went out with a bloke who said, in bed, he’d like me to “rape” him. It was so off-putting. Luckily I had a my period…

Original poster
Windywuss · 02/02/2024 17:59

@notknowledgeable it's not a small aspect. It is the most common definition. I realise it isn't technically incorrect to use it for the meaning they intend , but it is a less common context and I'd say unnecessarily word to use.

It's only men in the group I've seen using it. I think it's insensitive at best. I think because certain group members have used it regularly they seem to enjoy the impact of it or think that they're being clever. I don't think any woman who had been through rape and throw it out casually.

OP posts:
PudgeControlsTheWeather · 02/02/2024 17:59

TooMinty · 02/02/2024 15:41

I actually think it's more offensive that the historical word meaning "spoil" or steal is used to describe sexual violation. Because it kind of carries the connotations that women belong to particular men and other men steal/ruin them. I'm probably explaining this badly! But it's like it's all about the men.

I agree saying an expensive shop "raped" you is really offensive though and likewise not keen on the use in the OP because everyone knows nowadays it's mainly used to describe sexual violation and I can't help think that some people enjoy using the word for that reason, enjoy the shock element.

I completely agree.

Mamette · 02/02/2024 17:55

The word “ravish” used to mean the same as the old meaning of “rape”I think, i.e. to steal, spoil or carry off. But it has positive connotations now.

Moier · 02/02/2024 17:54

It's disgusting using the word like that.. ( I've been raped.. ) l would get a campaign going.

notknowledgeable · 02/02/2024 17:48

Windywuss · 02/02/2024 14:11

Aibu...to flinch when people use the word rape in contexts other than sexual assault? We've got an ongoing campaign in my area about over development of green belt and the loss of natural habit. I'm on the side of the people wanting to protect nature... (Not getting into a housing debate here ).

Some people...well, men in fact keep referring to the rape of the countryside. I hate it. It's such an emotive word and hetro men rarely experience actual rape. It really jars.

I also hate the use of porn ..food porn, property porn etc. But that's not as bad for me, I just don't like it.

Anyone feel the same?

It's used for shock value but women who've experienced rape probably don't use it as flippantly.

They are using the word properly, this is what it means. The use of a word to mean sexual assault is only one small aspect of its meaning. It means to violate, and that violation can be a city, a country, a person, an area... etc.

FictionalCharacter · 02/02/2024 17:46

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Zebedee999 · 02/02/2024 17:43

You're being unreasonable. Many words have many meanings.

My daughter said to me her lawn had died... should all those recently bereaved people be upset?

IReallyLikeRape · 02/02/2024 17:40

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Trulyme · 02/02/2024 17:22

I’ve never heard of the word rape being used that way and I would absolutely hate it too!

Words like porn or anal don’t bother me because they’re (usually) consensual and doesn’t have the same meaning when used in other contexts.

As a PP said, it also normalises the word.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/02/2024 17:14

Yanbu it normalizes rape and adds to rape culture

Livingtothefull · 02/02/2024 17:14

I remember watching a documentary about Marie Antoinette which described how the mob stormed into Versailles and burst into her bedroom, though after she had escaped. The (male) commentator referred to this invasion as 'just like a rape'. Er, no. Not saying it wasn't frightening and upsetting for MA, but rape it was not. Call things by their proper names and don't risk diluting the horror of rape.

RawBloomers · 02/02/2024 17:08

I've heard that usage a reasonable amount. It's not an everyday usage but it's not super rare. I hope it remains. I really don't think it helps to set up words as in someway sacred.

MightyGoldBear · 02/02/2024 16:55

Yes both those words are triggering for me. I really wish people would be more mindful of their language. I have heard it used in this context lots.

I'm a big fan of comedy but wow its tricky to navigate. Lots of comedians jokes have certainly not aged well and it's very cringey.

What I really don't see the need for is the whole food porn thing. I've seen menus that name burgers all after porn stars/sex acts/porn websites. It's really gross. Why is society so keen to normalise so much unhealthy stuff.

It takes nothing for me to use different words and still get my point across?

oakleaffy · 02/02/2024 16:51

wellhello24 · 02/02/2024 15:44

Agree. I also hate when people use the word “anal” to describe being overly tidy/ pedantic.

Yes! definitely.