DH and Money

That was my reading too. OP pays £100s more per month, but hasn’t had earnings until recently. Seems roundly unfair.

Having a joint account isn’t the only way to be a team financially. My household is a family, financially we are a team, we don’t have a joint account, it works for us

And that tax is on a sliding scale from 0% to 100% depending on salary so really it is means tested. Earn over £50k and you start to loose it. Earn over £60k and it’s gone!

As someone said above, you're on 3120 a month and I'm guessing you're in Ireland because the CB isn't means tested which means you get another €280 for 2 children.

You pay out €1600, DH pays out €1400, leaving you with €1800 a month and him with €2400 so him saving 800 a month would leave him with less than you.

To keep things fair, he should save €600 a month but if you're protecting your savings, I can see why he won't share his with you. Either everything is joint or it's not.

But you don’t want to share your savings with him OP, and you don’t want to pool all money because you think you might be worse off.

You’re both doing exactly the same thing, which is looking out for your own financial interests.

Distinguished..
You're certainly correct in what you say. Another one here who been married 40+ yrs. We had separate money until we had DC when I stopped work because I couldn't earn enough to cover childcare (yes even 40 yrs ago it was prohibitively expensive if you didn't have family to help out). As soon as I left work we opened a joint account and DH money went it and covered everything. When I returned to work my wages went it the same account and everything was paid from there. Now we are OAPs we still do the same. He has always had a higher income and has never asked me what I've spent or why. It helps that we are both responsible with money and don't run up debts. We have separate savings split 50/50. Partnerships don't seem to have the same level of trust or commitment these days, it's rather sad.
I don't really have any advice OP but I'm sorry you're stuck with a penny pincher.

Bins? Is this council tax as you haven’t mentioned that and £40 for cleaning bins seems high but fit council seems low?

This isn't much of a partnership is it? You're guarding "your" savings. He's withholding "his" wages. I never understand the point of a marriage on these terms. If you're not in it together, what's the point?

I understand what you mean OP, I was married to a man that was awful with money too, and they will spend anything they have access to. The issue isn't that you aren't pooling money but that the costs are split disproportionately to income. Based on the figures you should pay bills equal to about 1250, instead of the 1600 you are paying and your DH should pay 1750. Has your DH seen your figures and explained why he is always broke with so much more disposable income than you?

You need a spreadsheet of all expenditure; you both pay percentages dependant on your income and a sum for ad hoc expenditure or school stuff the same way. Pay into a joint account that you both have access to and can view.

He doesn't get to keep his entire salary for himself..what is it with people...you're a team (allegedly anyway).

@Glittering1 You should feel more vulnerable not having a joint account. This essentially allows him to stash money away for himself. You keep thinking of his money as being his and your money as being yours, this is not the case legally.

@caringcarer @Glittering1 Exactly. What is actually happening is that he is keeping a large part of his earnings for himself. He thinks of it as "his money", it is not his money, it is family money, he has also normalized you to this mindset/way of thinking by the sounds of things. The work you do/did caring for children has the same value as his work, even if he doesn't think so. To make this more plain/obvious, imagine that you should charge him for the childcare that you provide. Would he still be able to spend so much money on himself then?

Why are you paying higher monthly household outgoings than him, when your income is lower than his?

You are a legal team (marriage contract), but you are not acting like one. Your savings are also part of the marital assets. I'm assuming from your previous posts that you are careful with money (hence the greater savings) and he is not. The way you have both dealt with this up to now, is to have you receive essentially an allowance from him that he will not spend (and you can save), whereas he has free reign to spend his other earnings as he sees fit (after paying household bills etc). The reality is, when he spends his other earnings he is spending family money, not his money. There is no "your money" and "his money" in the eyes of the law, but you are both pretending that this is the case. This is why most married couples have joint accounts and then agree how much discretionary individual spending they will do each month. I expect if you did this, you would realize he spends far more of the teams money on himself, than you do on yourself. In an equal partnership this would be discussed and likely changed as it is clearly unfair. The work you did as a SAHM is as valuable as his work, he shouldn't get to spend more on himself, unless you explicitly agree to it, and vice versa.

He's roughly paying £1400 and your roughly paying £1600. You earn a lot less than him. That is not fair. I'm sick of reading threads about men who financially abuse their wives.

You could have a joint account for household expenses in addition to whatever sole accounts you have.

If you were getting child benefit in the UK on two children, the way you've shared out payments means he gets to keep 63% or his money, and you get to keep 48%, or, in money terms, he keeps £2600 to your £1459.

He might make the counterargument that he works 5 days and you 3, so ou should have only 3/5 of his spending money, ie £1560, but for that argument to be holding any water, household work should be split evenly. If you're doing more around the house because you work shorter hours, you're entitled to as much spending money as him.

so you don’t want a joint current account because you want to protect yourself financially, but you want him to put £800 into a shared joint savings?

You can’t have it both ways. You either pool finances/bills/savings, or you don’t.

I do wish people would say straight off if they're not in the UK. It would save everyone talking about child benefit, welfare/ disability benefits etc, that have absolutely no bearing on the OPs situation.

@Glittering1 Whether you pool your money or not into a joint bank account, in the eyes of the law in pretty much every English-speaking country you are married, and all your assets are joint. For example if you were to initiate a divorce then all bank accounts property, pensions etc. would be considered joint martial assets. So your husband keeping his earnings separate from you is ridiculous, it is your money too, you are married. Unfortunately he sounds like a dinosaur from the 1950s, I expect he is normalized to this now, but it is not normal.

Well then I think considering he has taken in your words a “major pay cut”, and you are now working 3 days per week, it’s surely expected that he wouldn’t be giving this £800 anymore?

You’re both being a bit unreasonable by trying to muddle through finances this way without any strict & agreed plan.

In a marriage, and a family, it really should be one pot, everyone’s wages go into there and all of the bills etc come out of there, whatevers left can either be left there and both spend from it OR it gets divided by 2 and you both get half to spend as you wish.

If you don’t want to do that, then you need some kind of proper agreement.

I think in general if the only reason he was sending you the £200 was because you weren’t working and you now are working, then it’s not unreasonable of him to keep that money now as if it’s purpose was to support you while unemployed then it no longer serves that purpose and so he can have that part of his income back. I wouldn’t have assumed that he would continue to save that £800 or give it to you with no discussion.

You should all be sharing money OR at the very least you should be working out proportionately what bills to pay so that both of you are left with the same amount of “fun” money.