Useless at looking after my children on my own

That sounds exhausting!
Is it just while your husband is away or do you get up this early everyday? What bits does he usually do?

Also - movie nights just for the children at the weekend, so mummy can ‘tidy up’ (collapse) in the other room for an hour!

Been there, OP.
I actually put our dogs into kennels - as a PP has said, they saw it like a holiday!
Also, I’m definitely one for cooking from scratch and I hate batch cooking, but I completely revised this when I was on my own for 2-3 weeks.
Pizzas, crudités, jacket pots, ready prepped stir fries….no making cottage pies etc… when I’m lone parenting.
Earlier bedtimes.
Also, distraction worked fine for tears when missing daddy. Before he left I would get special activities eg. Art or sticker books, new toy etc…. Works a treat. I do think children pick up on stress or desperation, so I soon learned to make sure things were fun, fun, fun.
You can’t carry on as normal when your partner is away - you do become a lone parent, do you have to adjust to take that into account.

Extraordinarily hard. I hate it when husband travels for work. I am always an exhausted wreck when he gets back - and I don’t have a full time job to manage as well.

It doesn’t sound like you’re failing your children at all. It sounds like you’re working really hard to keep things on a level for them.

is there anyone around to help at all? Even if it’s just to come and be another adult for an hour in the evening while you make supper / pop on a load of washing?

some things I do to help…

1. I give my older child a sticker chart of ‘days until daddy is home’ - like a reverse advent calendar - to stick a star on every day at bed time - maybe you could do this at whatever the ‘I miss daddy’ crunch point seems to be

2. car picnics - essential for managing EOD hungry tums - my commute not as long as yours - but a cool box with fruit + yoghurt pouches helps minimise transfer melt downs

3. stock up from Cook or similar - easy frozen meals so you can minimise kitchen time + get on with little jobs / spend time with children instead

4. give yourself grace - your dogs are walked, your children are cuddled + fed and worried about. You’re doing a much better job than you think you are

Also don’t underestimate h the novelty of porridge for dinner!

The issue is the huge commute, longer term could you work closer?

My husband travels regularly for work though I only have one DS who is in preschool.

You can’t keep up your normal routine without the other parent for more than a few days (assuming that they aren’t a waste of space). You have to cut corners. Lay out clothes for the week not just the night before if you have enough. Eat ready meals, curries, tortellini, oven pizza, pb&j sandwiches. Kitchen done every other night. Get a babysitter/friend to take the kids for two hours at some point over the weekend then prep for the coming week.

But honestly I don’t think I could manage it with as much commuting as you do.

I'm exhausted just reading about your day. Why people get dogs and cats when they also have 2 kids and a looooong commute and work full time is...bonkers to me.

I'm not surprised you're all exhausted and I honestly don't think any of this is sustainable for another two weeks. It's not fair on any of you.

You're commuting for three hours a day with a four and seven year old, working full time and caring for two dogs (who seem to be left alone all day) and cats on top - with absolutely no help from anyone except a neighbour who walks the dogs for you.

Stop cooking from scratch - freezer food or ready meals are fine for a couple of weeks, or even just things like pesto pasta or chicken kievs with chips. Get the kids in to bed much earlier and then do your jobs once they're asleep.

I felt fatigued just reading your post. Your schedule sounds soul destroying. When do you have time to have fun with the kids? Can they eat either breakfast or dinner in the car? Maybe not at 4 and 7. Can you have super easy dinners while DP is away. Two minute gnocchi or tortellini, pasta, stir fry with noodles, omelette etc. cottage pie and homemade soup sound a lot on top of that day. You're doing an amazing job!

Also can you shorten the children's bedtime routine from an hour to 30/40 mins. Going to sleep at 9pm is quite late for a 4 year old definitely and also for the 7 yo. I'd suggest trying to start the bed time routine at 7.30pm with aim of switching of lights in your children's rooms at 8.15pm.

Sounds very full on so not surprised your tired!

What can you stop doing? If kids can have school
dinners I’d sort that then I’d have ‘picnic’ tea (aka sandwiches and save on cooking, cleaning up afterwards and making pack up! Otherwise I’d batch make a few staples and eat on repeat plus pizza.

one more day then it’s the weekend, then it’s half term. Hang in there!

I did this regularly when my children were younger, minus the pets. It was exhausting.

I used to have everything done downstairs before bringing children up to bed and stayed upstairs afterwards myself. Bags packed, lunches made, breakfast table set, cereal in bowls with a plate or something on top. Coats, shoes, bags lined up in hall ready to go. Get children into bed and then have my shower and that was it for the night.

Simplify dinners for the three weeks, oven chips, sausages and eggs mid-week for dinner or similar, not the best of dinners but will do. Make Monday and Tuesday's dinner at the weekend.

If you were a lone parent you’d make permanent changes so this wasn’t your everyday life, but you’re not.

You have my admiration, you’re doing great. DH is going away for two weeks and I have a 6yo and an 11yo, no dogs, live in a town centre with restaurants and takeaways, and a job I can do predominantly at home so I can keep on top of things, and I’m already dreading it! So you’re doing brilliantly.

OP I'm a lone parent and this is my life. It is hard but take heart it will be over soon. Batch cooking helps.

The children must be exhausted. The 4 year old is getting just over 8 hours sleep a night and then getting woken up at the crack of dawn. I'm sure they should be having about 11 hours sleep a night at that age. I hope they usually have a different routine when your husband is about. No wonder their nerves are frayed.

A few things stand out. Firstly you've got a lot of pets. Cats and dogs as well as working full time with two young children is a lot. I wouldn't have so many pets but that's your choice. Secondly the commute from school is too long, again not sure what you can do about that. Are they at different schools? Can things like ironing clothes for the week not be done at the weekend? A 9pm bedtime is very late for a 4 and 7 year old up so early. I would be looking at giving them their evening meal when they get in, shoving dishes in dishwasher and a quick wipe down, then bath every other day and bed. I'd make the meals as simple as possible, stuff you can chuck in the slow cooker or batch cook at the weekend.

The main thing I would say is you should be much kinder to yourself. Lots of people would struggle in your shoes (I know I would). If travelling is a part of your dh's job I would have a sit down discussion and whether that actually works for your family and whether you are happy to hold the fort. If it's a case of needs must then I would be wanting him to work with you to come up with solutions to make your life easier. For instance he could batch cook before he goes or sign up to hello fresh or something similar, arrange to have laundry outsourced or arrange some home help, someone to take care of the pets. You aren't failing anyone, you are trying your best but I'd tweak things where possible to make your life easier.

My husband is currently away and is away quite often. I think you just get used to it. My children and 9 and 6 and you just need to find the right routine.

You do need to make your own life easier though. Easy meals at teatime and school dinners if possible. I know you said there were reasons for the long commute for the kids but it is utterly insane and not sustainable if they want to start any clubs etc.

Wow you must be absolutely exhausted, I would be asleep at 9pm too. I’ve never left the house that early with children it would be a massive shock to the system for all of us.

As others have said I would definitely work on the earlier bedtime. As soon as you get in, quick dinner and then bath and bed and set yourself a goal to have both asleep by 8pm (or maybe the 7 year old completely ready reading / listening to a bedtime story on Yoto etc). I realise you can’t avoid the early start but you could have more of an evening to decompress. if the children were asleep earlier you could then have a shower, get your clothes ready, pack lunch, feel prepared.

for a quick dinner you can do fish finger sandwiches, scrambled egg and beans on toast, pizza, toasted sandwiches, cheesy crumpets, chicken Goujons and wedges, pretty much anything can be air fried quickly. Add some fruit and yoghurt/ rice pudding / pancake / etc and you’ve got a 20 min dinner. Def would not have any capacity whatsoever for meals like Cottage pie, just needs to be mission bedtime

I feel your pain. I did very similar for years but now they are older it's easier, as they can at least wait for tea while dog is walked etc. rather than the tired tantrums I used to contend with when they were little. I was teaching too, and exhausted as Dd woke at 4.30 every morning for two years. I just wish someone had reassured me that it does end, and you will get your energy back. It was an eye opener as I grew up believing that you could have it all, that you can both work but ultimately one partners job has to take priority so that someone looks after the rest, as that's a full time job. But that's for another thread.

Get a new job much closer to home.

Batch cook weekend. Microwave something in am into keep warm pots for kids and you. Give them a sandwich to eat en route home. Outsource pets. Reckon this will give you a window for tea/wine/wind down.

Also book work trip for self to ensure oh understands how it is

You can't make cottage pie on a weeknight like yours

Either prep in advance and reheat

Or eat simple foods

I.e
Fried egg on toast

Cheese toastie and soup

Homemade Mini pizzas (mini naan, Passata, cheese, ham)

Spaghetti with jarred sauce, or Bolognese made at weekend

Pick up a rotisserie chicken, serve with baguette and chopped veg