Useless at looking after my children on my own

Good idea on the dh cooking and freezing dinners. Next time he could also do a non perishable food items shop to cover the weeks he’s away.

I’ve a similar length day (though mine runs 6.45-10pm before time to sit down). I’ve very few tips unfortunately. I get up 20 minutes before the dc so I can have coffee and let the dog out in peace before I start the day. I also fit an hour dog walk in the evening with the dc which is more unwind time/ family time. I’ve simplified packed lunches to grab and go stuff- lunchables/ snack attack wraps/ tubs of pre cooked pasta in sauce + a piece of fruit for the youngest who doesn’t eat much lunch, with additional fruit/ yoghurt/ cereal bar for the ones who do. I get clothes out the night before and homework packed away. Breakfast is cereal or porridge done in the microwave for 2 minutes with a handful of raisins. I can’t bring myself to batch cook at weekends for the sake of saving half an hour a night as I like to have some downtime, nor can I bring myself to do ready meals etc (cost too much for 6 of us, and not healthy) but I do meal plan at the weekend and weeknight meals are quicker: around 30 minutes, less if possible on the 2 nights we have clubs 6.30-8.30. I have shortened my morning routine by wearing my glasses instead of contacts and skipping makeup: I do not recommend this as I feel better with both but something had to give.
DH is generally home but for health reasons can’t help with anything currently (or for the last 3 years). When he’s away we do eat less “proper meals “ as me and the kids are happy with things he wouldn’t see as enough- nachos with salsa, refried beans, grated cheese served with guacamole and sour cream, tapas type stuff, sushi to share, tacos to fill ourselves, make-your own wrap (chopped veggies, sauces, cooked meat, grated cheese on the table- generally everyone finds something they like including veg and protein with minimal prep or complaint)

Your children are screaming out for connection with you. And more sleep. Possibly blood sugar from meals too far apart too. These things will make them far easier to handle.

Get them school dinner and save the packed lunch for 5pm dinner on the drive home, free up an hour for you to be present with them, play, then do bedtime and have them asleep by 7/7.30pm, giving you an hour to eat and prep for the next day.

Next time your dh has to travel like that he should leave cooked meals to cover the time he is away.

Agree with posters re eating in supermarket cafe/swim etc but I take your point re the dogs. Is there a tween/teen nearby that wants to ear a little pocket money?

If you can get the children to bed an hour earlier you will have an hour of stillness for yourself - it will be a massive improvement for you.

Getting the bags, lunches and clothes ready with the kids the night before is quality time with them.

You are tired because you are doing a massive amount without any back up. And you are dealing with young children - not rational mature adults.

Op has stated more than once she’s literally standing in the garden with the dogs for 5-10 minutes

Who is with your children if you're taking the dogs out first thing?

This is partly why my kids have school dinners and then I have a packed lunch ready for their tea. Game changer.

You sound very stressed. Could you get signed off for a week or two with stress? Using the time to rest and then feeling more rested you will have the energy to look at all the ways you can make life easier going forward. Like do you really need to get you and the kids up so early? If you shower the kids the night before surely, having a quick wash, dressing them, grabbing their pre packed bags and providing a breakfast they can eat in the car would take 20 mins max? Can you afford a cleaner as and when? You already have a kindly neighbour who walks your dogs. Is there any one living local to you whose kids attend the same school as yours who could pick your kids up a couple of night a week and have them until you get home? Or grandparents willing to help out when needed? Again, this would only be occasional, as and when your dh is away. BTW i tho you're doing a great job. Just make it easier on yourself.

This is a very good point, totally agree- sometimes having them out of the house can make things feel much easier even though being home sounds more straightforward. At the very least, less child-related mess!

I feel for you OP, that sounds like one hell of a schedule. I have an autoimmune disease that can make looking after kids tough, and one thing that's helped me make things easier when I'm struggling is refusing to cook in the week. I'll heat things up/whack things in the oven but that's it. Salad vegetables are your friend- less washing up, we have cherry tomatoes/cucumber and carrot batons/raw spinach etc a lot.

It doesn't have to be unhealthy. You could make a big batch of your daughter's favourite soup at the weekend (get the kids to help with the cooking and cleaning) and freeze it- make 4x your usual amount and that's one dinner a night sorted for a whole month. Other things I dish up in the week include:

-Those pre-cooked jacket potatoes with baked beans, cheese and salad
-A tray of pre-prepared roasting vegetables with a tin of chickpeas chucked in, cooked then mixed with a bit of pesto and served with one of those sachets of flavoured couscous and a blob of houmous
-Bol does a very nice, mild and kid-friendly lentil dall, we have it with a microwave pouch of brown rice and salad
-Avocado on toast, baked beans and veggie sausages

It's not exciting and while my kid doesn't get a cooked from scratch meal in the week, sometimes something has to give and what we eat is (in my opinion, anyway) healthy enough. None of those meals require much effort beyond shoving something in an oven or a microwave 😆

Why lay in the guilt on yourself? You doing a goid job at all your jobs
You keeping everyone alive
Get some help in when dh is away
Cleaner, online shop, easy meals, .

I’d change to shower every other day and buy a couple of easy meals - ready made family lasagna and cook double portions of stuff so you have sausage casserole Monday and Wednesday (reheated left overs). Slow cooker also very useful for one pot meals. School bags packed the night before and school dinners rather than packed lunches. If they’ve had a cooked lunch then a sandwich or beans on toast for tea is fine.

It's a bit repetitive. Is there a supermarket with a cafe on your way home that you could sell as a special tea treat, eating there instead one day of the week (Prices are not much more than cooking for yourself). Means a night off cleaning the kitchen when you get back and you don't have to cook. Or maybe go for a swim one night and get everyone washed and in pjamas afterwards so you can skip bedtime routine (they will probably be tired after and sleep easier). It might seem like more effort but these things can actually make the load feel lighter as they are less drudgy. Can you squeeze a treat for yourself in somewhere? Bath, fav tv show?

Have a pizza fish and chips a couple of times a week .pop dogs to kennels as well.3 weeks is a good while to look after young children alone.

Single parent with 2 similar aged kids and dogs, similar commute time but can wfh a couple of days a week

During the week we have very simple dinners - either something from previous batch cook in the freezer, an air fryer tea, picky tea or pasta or something. Anything that can be got on the table within 15 mins of getting home

Also weeknight focus is on tea then bath and bed for kids for 7.30 bedtime. Means that we don’t have much time for play etc but also means they get a good sleep and I can run round quick to do any jobs before I go to bed.

Clothes are also out night before, bags packed etc so less to think about in the mornings

We do have slightly different routine of a weekend - so totally different meals, they stay up later, movie nights etc to try and differentiate between the busy weeks and more fun weekends but it is hard to juggle it all together

I think what makes parenting hard is how bloody relentless it is.

Could you get a slow cooker, chopped veg, meat, colmans sachet and as soon as you get home you’ve got casserole/sausages/chilli. Then you can bring everything forward an hour. Can children have a ten minute shower and one book so bedtime can be reduced from an hour to 20 minutes?
Can you get up at 6 and let the dogs out while the children have breakfast? I think if you can get some more time, even if it’s just to have a cup of tea and scroll mumsnet, it will help you to catch your breath.

Why do you put the kids to bed so late? It's very detrimental to their development to have such little sleep

The kids are getting far too little sleep. Why do they go to bed so late? Mine went at 7 at that age.

You have all those pets but you are never home - hardly fair on them

And not fair on your children to have such a long day - I feel bad that as a single parent my kids have to leave to be at childcare at 730am there is no way they would cope leaving at 645 - why is it so long and why can't you make changes to that?

I'd be feeding the kids at 6 then they are in bed for 715 - 9pm is far too late at their age - naps in the car on the way home are not an adequate substitute for a good nights sleep in their own beds

Save the tidying up for when they are asleep at 8pm ish

I don’t think you can carry on like that. Your timings are not sustainable. A four year old leaves the house at 6.45am? And doesn’t get to bed until 9?! Both you and the children must be exhausted. My kids are the same age as yours but your timings couldn’t be more different to mine, my morning routine is 2 hours behind yours, I live 6 miles away from school and that’s considered quite far. My 4 yr old wakes at 7.30/8am and we leave at 8.45am for school. They are home by 4pm, dinner at 6pm, bed by 7pm.

My DH is military so away a lot, I personally would do slow cooker/freezer meals for the kids during the week. As soon as you get home get their dinner done, while they eat get on with some jobs. I usually fold washing, pack bags etc and chat to them while I'm doing it. Once dinner is done it's bath and bed for the kids, they go to bed and 99% of the time I tuck them in and walk out. I haven't got time to lie with them. Then I will put my dinner on and do a couple more jobs, I live off 'cook' style ready meals or very quick dinners when DH is away. Ideally I would like things to be a slower pace and to sit and eat with them but for me it just doesn't work. But i do very long periods of separation.