Useless at looking after my children on my own

9.5 hours based on the timeline you've posted and even 9.5 hours' sleep a night is unlikely to be enough for an average 4yo in full-time school plus wraparound. Being tired will not help with whinging/weepiness.

I’m sorry to sound critical but I don’t think it’s ‘just about okay’.

My 4 year old sleeps anything from 11 to 12.5 hours a night depending on how tired she feels and how long the day has been. Under 10 just isn’t enough, and I really feel for her being woken at 5.45am every day. Sleep is a basic need like food, and not getting enough will affect her behaviour, well-being and education. Whatever is standing in the way of her attending a more local school needs to be changed.

And get help for drop offs or pick ups

Quick is a chicken breast pan fried broccoli snd boiled pots
Ir salmon filkets baked, sweet potatoes peas
20 mins max
Quick is not same as processed

^^ Of course, it could be that it's different when dad is around in which case, it's just short term pain, but it's still not ideal for a 4yo and it's no wonder everyone is struggling.

I suppose you would hire a live in nanny? Not everyone can afford this.

No, I would be looking for a job that didn't mean I had to get my 4yo child up at 5.45 every morning, and that meant they got to bed much earlier than 9 at night.

That amount of sleep and that much time sat in a car everyday is completely unsustainable long term.

I suppose you would hire a live in nanny? Not everyone can afford this.

As a teacher you know the children are not getting enough sleep, so bed one hour earlier and cut the bedtime routine in half.

Plan the whole weeks meals in advance, and batch cook at the weekend and you don't go making a cottage pie then suddenly change dinner on a whim - explain to child that the soup can be made the next day or at the weekend and s/he can have it then.

Get a gate ! that is ridiculous !

Do the children have this routine even when their dad is around? The early starts, long drive to school and late bedtime?

This.

You can make healthy quick food. Grill a chicken breast, stick a jacket potato in the microwave and boil some frozen peas

Bit odd that the children are so devastated by Daddy being away for a couple of weeks. Is he usually the primary carer? Is he able to read a bedtime story on Facetime or anything like that? Agree the children need to be in bed earlier. Don't pander too much to wails of "I miss Daddy", kids know what buttons to push and if you are positive and brisk "I miss Daddy too but he'll be back soon", they'll get over it. No need for special dinners made to order - better to stick to normal routines.

And yes, kennel the dogs. Hopefully your DH usually works from home so they aren't normally left cooped up all day and reliant on the neighbour's kindness to walk them?

I don’t think that you are useless at all, but I do think that your set up sounds completely unsustainable for all of you and that your DC need more sleep.

I understand that you can’t leave your place of work - and it is 1.5 hrs away, is that right? There must be other options though, such as paying someone to come in the mornings to provide a couple of hours of childcare and to drop your DC off after they have got up at a more sensible time, and an after school child minder who provides a meal for them before you collect.

I vary between home cooked meals and easy meals - two toddler kids and we both work full time.

’cooked’ meal , I make for 2 days, that’s 50% less cooking !
for other cooked meals - we make fresh pasta sauce and freeze it , so just cook pasta or whatever to add
i boil and freeze plain lentils - then just have to add spices , and make any rice etc.

We try to do fresh meals too but not from scratch , the above helps. And some evenings are definitely waffles and cheese / beans etc !

Whatever you do cook.. double up the amount. It's not extra effort. Cook once, eat twice

I don’t see what you can change in your routine. It looks normal to me.

I genuinely don't think there's anything normal about a 4yo spending three hours in the car everyday, getting up at 5.45 for school, and not getting to bed until 9 at night.

Good.
I don’t see what you can change in your routine. It looks normal to me. It’s hard work for sure. The only bonus is that you don’t have a baby/toddler keeping you up at night.

This is why I would never, ever, EVER get any pet. I grew up with one and the amount of work has put me off for life. PP suggested putting them in kennels for a few weeks to give yourself a break. It's a small change but would reduce the mental load. That commute is so long, but I guess it can't be helped. How about a cleaner once a week or two weeks? I know batch cooking is a chore but it does help.

I was going to say this.

I’m not trying to kick you whilst down OP and I’ve had to make wholesale changes to our lives to make it work as it was killing us.

You can’t make any improvements without significant changes.

That commute is ridiculous. I understand that it’s unavoidable in the short term but you can’t keep that up long term.

You'll get used to it, things become routine really quickly.

I do think the 4yo might be tearful as they're tired, that's not enough sleep!
My 12 yo goes to bed at the same time in the week and has to be up at 630am. My three would all have been in bed by 7.30pm at that age.

4 year olds need about 11-12 hours sleep.

I don't know if it's been mentioned but batch cook. Every meal you make, if it can be frozen in any way, make if for 8 and freeze what's left.
Also, spend 5 min in the morning or evening prepping your slow cooker.

It seems to be like you don't actually want to change anything that would make your life easier.

You won't (or can't) change your commute, you won't put the dogs in kennels, you won't do freezer food or ready made meals, and you also seem reluctant to put the kids to bed any earlier or get them up any later.

Did you just want a moan (which is perfectly okay) or did you actually want advice?