For staying in my job when DP doesn't want me to?

ugh please don’t have kids with this person, this will only get worse
bottom line is that he measures everything in pounds and pence and you don’t

Yep

I took a job which I felt would make me happy, in preference to one's that paid more, (I had more than one offer). I loved it there, and the atmosphere was much as you've described the one where you work OP. Then, I was hit by severe illness, the other jobs, had I taken either of them, were a totally different type of employer, and would have found a way to get rid of me within a relatively short time, as I'd only been there 18 months. This company, immediately gave me private health care, which I wasn't entitled to for another 6 months, because they wanted me back. Unfortunately my illness proved to be long term, and life affecting. I hadn't realised at the time, but I was also covered by the company's Long Term Sickness policy, and was paid almost my full wages for another 20 years!! Leaving a job where you're treated well AND enjoy the work, would be a HUGE mistake in my opinion!

I also wouldn't be marrying such a selfish, controlling piece of work as your fiance! Bin him off and find someone who cares about YOUR wellbeing, as well as their own.

OP and her DP have debt but are trying to save for a wedding. She's panicking about her car giving out. You really think it strange that the suggested solution to money issues is to... earn more? How? Why?

So many PP are outraged that he is prioritising 'money over happiness' but fail to realise that the OP is also unhappy about the lack of money. This isn't the 'usual' situation where the man just doesn't want to share.

OP needs to stop burying her head in the sand and make an active choice. Keep the job, scale down their expectations as a couple. No wedding, no car. Or, accept that she needs to earn more.

Both options require him to do housework but really. That is not the main issue. Doing his share just gives them both more free time to sit around. It's not going to ease their financial pressures.

Ignore “get” where I say “get have”, in the second paragraph - it shouldn’t be there.

The more I think about it, the more I think he is trying to control your life. Do you want to be controlled? Of course you don’t, but sadly, so very many people do end up being controlled by their partners. It starts out Ok, but gradually, they eat at your very being, dictating what you can and can’t do.
Now, I may get have that totally wrong, and your partner isn’t a control freak, but from where I’m sitting, his attitude towards you doesn’t bode too well. Be very careful. Think hard before committing to marriage with him - get all those differences sorted out first, and do not change a job you love (and which pays reasonably well) just to suit his ill- conceived notion that you aren’t pulling your weight.

He seems kinda jealous of your happiness,
Isn't this job better especially if you have kids in the future?

This doesn't sound like a good place for a marriage to blossom.

Marriage is about sharing things. He probably needs to work less at work and more at home perhaps rather than blaming everything on your unequal salaries.

Dh I can see you want me to get a job that pays better. Have you considered that I do everything around the house? If I get a job that pays more, you will have to do half of the housework, you should be doing more than you are anyway. If you don’t step up and do that, no nagging no sulking, no weaponised incompetence, then I will end the relationship as a man who wants his wife to bring in money just like he does but also to do everything else for him isn’t worth it. I suggest you cook dinner tonight, tidy up and do a load of washing and think very carefully about what you and I each bring to the relationship and if we value that in each other or if you actually expect a lot from me but don’t value it at all.

Oh - I’d be reconsidering marrying this man.

A job you love is so important. You spend some much time at work, don’t spend all that time doing something you dislike.

A partner should be happy for you that you have this, not see you as a cash cow to make as much money as possible from.

On top of all that, you’re doing all the domestic labour. I’m not quite sure why! If you add together the time you spend at work and at on domestic work, I bet you spend more hours working than he does. Even if not, it’s not a competition to each be more over worked than the other.

This

In your position, this is what I'd do.

Say to him, OK I appreciate what you're saying. You earn circa 20k more than me for the overtime you do.
That overtime is equated to in the time I spend cleaning and cooking each week.

I do,
4? Loads of washing, drying and folding each week. That would equate to maybe 2 hours?
General cleaning 5 hours?
Cooking and tidying after one hour a day? 7 hours?
Picking up the shopping and putting it away? An hour?

I make that 15 hours? A cleaner would do those things in my area £20 ph 20x 15=300 x 52=15600.

That's the price of the services you don't need to pay, yearly for you keeping you £30k job.

Seems a bit more equal now doesn't it? Would he want you to change your job for a real terms difference of £4400 gain a year?

YANBU to want to keep your job. YABU to be planning on marrying this man. He's already leaving all the housework to you and telling you how to live your life. It will get ten times worse once you're married and if kids are added to the mix.

I do think it's strange he wants you to leave a job you enjoy just for more money - maybe that is his ambition and he expects to keep moving up the ladder, whereas you are happy where you are? Neither is wrong but he is showing he doesn't understand you.

It's possible you can get another job you love for more money - but if you don't want to move, he shouldn't be pushing it. The only thing with a small company is I'd worry about the impact of maternity leave(s) and returning to the same job / part time. It can be harder for a small company to absorb those changes.

I really wouldn't do so much of the housework etc. He's become used to it and don't notice, so identify at least a few tasks he can take over, and start there.

The take home difference between 40 and 50k is so minimal it does make one question what the point of excessive overtime is, especially if it is causing this many arguments.

OP, how is the relationship otherwise? Does he treat you as an equal? Does he encourage your dreams? Is he faithful? Does he support you as a person? Does he value the role of a job that you don't wake up dreading?

In this economy, stable employment in a role you love shouldn't be undervalued. Jobs like those are far rarer than men - though perhaps not rarer than a man who would fully support you and encourage you.

I'd really encourage you to listen to the advice here. Finances are very very important to look at when entering a marriage, and if he doesn't see your domestic contribution as one that enables him a pretty sweet life (I would DEFINITELY be happy to do a lot of overtime if I came home to a clean house, meals and my dog walked!) it shows you that he doesn't value you and the work you do both within and without of the home.

Definitely pause the wedding.

Maybe he could get a better job? One where overtime isn't necessary?

Scare the shit out of him and tell him it's your ambition to be a SAHM...

I'd rethink that engagement unless things change PDQ.

This man has no consideration of you or your happiness.

Your situation has alarm bells written all over it, for me. Imagine when he has you tied to him with a child.

Keep job
dump man
be happy

A big bone of contention for me is that when I scored an amazing job my husband sulked and did nothing but his asshole brother sent me a card and his mum gave me flowers!
And then my husband wanted to brag to others about my amazing new job ...

Keep the job bit bin him. Next relationship don't be a doormat, from the off split the chores 50/50. He only gets away without doing chores because you have let him.

Get married at the registry office, by an old banger and stay in your job, he can do less overtime

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

People spend about one-third of their lives at work. One third of your life in a place that you like, doing something you care about, with people who make you happy. Sounds like a win to me, and I would have to question anyone who claimed to love me and wanted me to give that up.

Do not marry him or have kids with him. If he doesn't do any housework now, he definitely won't when you have a baby.

If you need money you need a better job. If you do work the same hours you need to split chores 50/50

He does the overtime and you pick up the slack to allow him to do this.
M good jobs you enjoy are like rocking horse shit. Just because he's unhappy in his job doesn't mean you need to be. I'd take a lower paid job I'm happy I'm over a higher paid one that's stressful or you don't enjoy any day

What right has anyone to dictate what job you do especially as it gives you a sense of belonging and enjoy what you do. If it was you suggesting this to him what would his answer be? If money is more important to him than your emotional welfare then I would be seriously delaying the marriage until you find out how equal he sees your relationship. Your only going to set the stage for what you marriage will be if you do not stick to what is making you happy because eventually this will drive a wedge in your relationship. I would certainly say to stop some of his over time and split the household chores between you, you are not his maid or mother. Would it matter much if you exstended the length of time that you are saving and then see if he can actually be a partner and see you as equal in the relationship. Delay! Stay where your happy! Split chores! Delay wedding to see if his attitude changes if not run for the hills! Take care.