Partner crying

I’m really sorry you feel this way, it’s good you have insight into why you are like this as you can take steps to make things better for yourself 😊

From what you have said above, it sounds like this is a norm in your relationship and conversations to address it are a non-starter. So fundamentally, you have two choices. Accept things as they are and stay miserable. Trust me, he won’t change, he is who he is. Or you could gather all your strength and leave. The second option will be harder in the short term, but so much better for you in the long term.

Don’t continually compromise your own happiness and wellbeing for someone else’s, you only have one life and deserve to be happy and loved.

I hope you get some help. Because you need it. Please don't let another year pass you by being anyone's doormat.

You do realise there's no knight in shining armour coming to rescue you from this bloke? You need to rescue yourself. One foot in front of the other, out of the door. Off you go!

And don't get with any other blokes until you've had therapy & worked on your self esteem. Then you'll be in the right place to meet someone who will treat you right.

Good luck.

This can’t be real

Because if you love someone surely you'd want to do everything you can to make sure they're okay and their clothes are clean, their dinners always ready, they have their morning coffee, they watch their favourite programmes, they play their games.

This isn't love OP. This is allowing someone to treat you like a doormat. Acting as someone's servant does not make them respect or love you.

You need to split up with him and get some decent therapy.

Do you have your own place?

Honestly, I’m finding your replies irritating on this thread. Performative, martyrish, pass agg. I’m not proud of this, but I’m not sure that I would have asked if you were OK either. I mean, obviously you weren’t OK, but you weren’t using your words either. That would have driven me spare, and bought out the very worst in me.

i truly hope you get some rest, feel better, and get some therapy. Best of luck to you.

I think he could be kinder to you.

All of this - absolutely!

I mean this kindly. Get some therapy. Work through those childhood traumas. It's not a quick fix, some people stay in therapy for years. Consider it self care.

That's awful. I hope you're ok

Right! You need to think about yourself somewhat!
Do something for you, take a day or week off work, book something just foe you, make yourself happy happy and consider your life choices
If your life makes you unhappy, make changes positively for you and your own happiness

If you behave like a doormat, some people will wipe their feet all over you!

I make sure my DH is ok, but he's a grown up. It's not my job to feed him, make coffee, or make sure there are clean clothes in the cupboard.

Don't hope for help, it's not help, it's his job too. Have you said, 'come on lazy arse, your turn, I cooked' ?

He probably doesn't notice or care about things like dust or cleaning the bathroom.

You need to work on your childhood trauma lovely.

It's only by doing that that you get to learn that needing a partner to validate you is a recipe for disaster. You only attract people who are equally wounded as you.

Counselling would help you to heal what's lacking wkthin you so that you don't settle for less than you deserve. It will also help you to recognize when you're attracted to people who will only reinforce your childhood.

Been there done that got the t-shirt. Healing is possible and your life and relationships will be so much richer for it.

Oh love your replies just keep getting worse. You need therapy big time. And a great big helping of self esteem and self respect.

‘Because if you love someone surely you'd want to do everything you can to make sure they're okay and their clothes are clean, their dinners always ready, they have their morning coffee, they watch their favourite programmes, they play their games.’

Nope. Not at all.

You need therapy, have you ever asked your GP about it? Get this bloke dumped and don’t even consider dating anyone until you’ve done extensive self work on your standards, how functional relationships work, self respect, self esteem, self worth, co-dependency, and therapy work.

Sorry if this comes across as harsh but if you’ve made yourself feel ill and exhausted running around doing things to make his life better then you’re being a fool.

And all this ‘hoping’ he’ll ‘help’ with dishes is ridiculous.

Live your life for you and choose a partner who adds to it.

Why didn't you tell him you were upset instead of waiting for him to ask and then getting pissed off he didn't?

Is he financially supporting you? If not I don't understand why you are acting like his housekeeper.

"Because if you love someone surely you'd want to do everything you can to make sure they're okay and their clothes are clean, their dinners always ready, they have their morning coffee, they watch their favourite programmes, they play their games."

That's not love as I recognise it. That's servitude.

So he had no clue why you were upset and didn’t even bother to ask you?