Partner crying

It comes with age @gratitudegirl

I used to be such a big softie when I was younger.

One thing I do know it that even though your current beau is not meeting your needs, there are lots of lovely, kind, big hearted people out there.

You just need some time to be you, to focus on yourself so that in future you can be sure a person likes you for who you are, not for the things you can do for them.

I know exactly where you are coming from wanting to look after and spoil a partner, but it's vital to remember that many men are conditioned by society into thinking a woman owes them this, rather than it being something you give freely because you want to. It can so easily attract the wrong men.

No. You earn disrespect instead and get treated like a doormat, as is the case here.

OP, what matters first is that you love yourself. When you learn to do that, you will develop a sense of your own self worth.

@SmashedPrawnsInAMilkyBasket has it in one. Please take note @gratitudegirl

You can't earn love by being servile OP. Good luck. xx

Ah I can fix this.

The reason you are crying is because you have a shit BF. No one who loved you would ignore your distress, and he sounds like a boring person who is taking the piss.

You can do better. Dump his arse and after the initial wrench you won't cry any more.

Where did he live before he moved into your studio? Presumably he paid his own rent then? He is living rent-free in your home and you are paying for everything. What will happen if you tell him to move out? If you just calmly tell him the relationship is over? Can you get a friend or relative to be there to support you? If he isn't likely to turn violent I personally think in your situation I would deliberately engineer an argument. Get angry with him. List everything you do for him, and tell him you are not doing it any more. Stop cooking for him and stop washing his clothes. He has been taking advantage of your kind nature.

I don't know why I've always believed being loved is all that matters.

OP, what matters first is that you love yourself. When you learn to do that, you will develop a sense of your own self worth. And then you’ll find it easier to pick a man who is worthy of your love, and will love you back, not for what you do for him, but for who you are.

Start by giving yourself the gift of freedom from this worthless, unworthy man, who takes everything from you and gives nothing back. Then work with a good therapist. Good luck. You deserve this.

You should bin this guy. You are young. Imagine what he will be like when you are older? It sounds grim you making his life so lovely and easy - cooking cleaning etc and he just vapes and video games. Is he a stoner? Are you? Sounds like you are a bit blue and that you need out of this relationship x

I remember a new partner offering to put air in my tyres. I was absolutely gobsmacked because my previous partner of 13 years would have laughed if I’d even asked him to. It’s the little things!
All those things you said you do because you want to make your partner happy - he should want to do those things for you too. A partnership is just that - mutual respect, love and care for each other. It’s not all about one person bending over all ways to make the other happy. A partner should care that you feel loved and safe and strive to do the best they can for you, as you do for them.
The studio is yours, and you absolutely 100% can tell him to leave - he’s an adult and can sort himself out. I wish you the best.

Ah bless you. I’m glad you found my post helpful. But sad to hear you are crying in the bathroom. You are not attention seeking ffs. People can be really horrible on here. He’s in the wrong here not you. Sorry you are struggling and big virtual hugs from me! 💐💐💐

@gratitudegirl You can articulate your feelings when you perceive yourself to be mistreated. You need to say something like this to him and then show him the door to his new life. This is not love and you will know it when you find it.

And @GoodO I did see your apology to the OP but the words she used to you were so good for showing her how she can defend herself if she needs to. I hope you don't mind me quoting them.

She's 30.

It sounds like you are trying too hard and he takes you for granted. Your desire to look after him though and do everything for him sounds a bit strange. Love should be a two way thing based on mutual care and respect. He sounds like he couldn't care less which would be a big turn off for me. You need to take care of yourself. Have you had a conversation with him about how you feel?

Oh OP I feel so sorry for you. Big hug.

As others have said you could find a great deal of help in therapy. I know you said you had some when younger. Remember that therapy isn't just about naming what is troubling and limiting you. It's a therapeutic relationship where you can practice and learn new and healthier ways of relating. Even once the issues are named, that takes a lot of practice because these are deep rooted habits. Give it time.

As you acknowledge, you're trying to earn his love by making things perfect and basically serving him. That isn't love, it isn't a healthy relationship. You're parenting him.

You're not his parent. You're not his housekeeper. And his happiness is NOT your responsibility. You're not on the board of someone else's life, not are you on their staff.

I just don't like being mean.

But you are being mean to yourself.

OP, why does he not pay half the bills and food shop? How long have you been together, and also living together? Why does he shout at you if you do everything for him. You deserve better, much better. Being alone is better than being with someone like this. No walking on eggshells, no running yourself ragged for someone who would never do the same for you.

I’m sorry, OP. I never intended to make you feel worse. But ditch him. If you do everything for someone and they do nothing for you it becomes a relationship dynamic. If you continue to do that, it becomes your fault, not his.
I really think counselling would be beneficial for you if you are struggling so much. No one, I repeat NO ONE, is worth sacrificing your mental health for.

Sorry if I missed this, but how old are you?

I think some context is needed here...

Do you cry frequently? As if you do, partners can become immune to this.

Awful. I sobbed today (haven’t cried for years) because something terrible happened and Dh gave me a big hug and we made a plan to try to move forward with it. Would have been devastated if he’d just ignored me what the hell?! I wouldn’t ignore a stranger crying let alone a spouse or partner.

His housing is not your problem to solve. Tell him that the relationship is not working for you and that it is over and you would like him out by the weekend at the latest, two days would be better.
He can always go and stay at the YMCA until he sorts himself out. My son did that and he quite liked it as there was lots of gamers there too.
Good luck, think of it like ripping off a plaster, painful but quick.

You’re being ridiculous and sound like an utter doormat. It’s nice to do nice things for people you love, but you aren’t a slave and if you always do it with no thanks or reciprocation then you’re mad. Love goes both ways. You only have yourself to blame as you’ve set yourself up to fail trying to make sure everything is “perfect” for him. There’s no such thing. I’m sure he’d rather wash his own pants than have to deal with an overly exhausted and emotional girlfriend.

OP!!! For goodness sake. If someone pisses you off with a post, tell them! Don't tell them to have a nice day!

You need to rid yourself of this useless insensitive cocklodger. Whats he even for anyway? He's certainly not improving your quality of life.

My heart goes out to you OP. Please spend the same amount of time and energy on yourself as you did on this man.

Love yourself first before worrying about anyone else loving you.

Paying for everything and running around after him doesn't make you stupid. But, it does make you look desperate.

You're NEVER too old to be picky. I'm 20 years older than you, plus I'm fat and ugly. I'm still picky. It's not about looks - its about finding someone who loves you for yourself, and who treats you like the most important person in their world.