Asking grandparents to help

I am with the majority of posters here. Neither set of parents should be tasked to miss the party.

Personally, I would have told my DD, "No" about attending the event she wanted to attend. But since you said "Yes", it's up to you to find a friend or another parent whose child is going to the same event to drop off your DD. If none of that works, then I guess one of you should miss a bit of the party.

Not at all nice to "assume" people will be willing for you to be thsie taskmaster.

So you propose to demote one set of parents from welcome guest to unpaid nanny? Lovely!

Your fault for confirming her attendance before seeing if anyone was willing to pick her up. You can’t ask GP’s to drive two hundred miles to miss the first hour because you haven’t organised yourself.

You have a few options- Ask another parent for help, one of you pick her up or she does not attend-Children have to learn that they can’t attend everything in life.

Why not just fork out for a taxi for your DD, if it’s just a one-off?

I would never ask guests to miss a party. Is there a parent of friends at the same activity who could do drop off? Thank them with a box of chocolates or bottle of wine.

Depending on DD age I'd ask another parent to put your DD in a taxi you arrange for her. T
It could bring her directly to your party. You really should have asked a grandparent before you made the commitment for DD.

Yes YABU. The obvious solution is to ask one of DD’s friends parents to collect her and drop her off. Alternatively, ask one of YOUR friends to do same and miss 45 mins of the event.
However, the posters getting riled about your “entitled behaviour “ and stating your DP’s do too much, just sound jealous. Sure, some families do have to do it all alone but it doesn’t make you entitled if you have extended family that are close and are happy to help. My DP’s live 100’s of miles away and would give anything to be able to collect my DC’s from school 🤷‍♀️

Exactly. Your parents are the lucky ones @Noneofmybeeswax . They get to see their son and his family constantly, while the PILs miss out on your company.

Then, when they get the chance to come down, you want to cut their time with you at your party by an hour, to help you out? It's not like they'll even have their granddaughter's company for that hour apart from for a few minutes in the car. She apparently has something better to do than spend rare time with her grandparents too.

You sound angry and resentful at PILs. It's amazing that you have amazing parents - and maybe you don't feel they are sufficiently appreciated. But you do NOT have the right to assume everyone else should take responsibility for your children. You made them. You look after them. And if you need support, you nicely ask, and you don't arrogantly assume and demand. The PILs get none of the advantages your parents have, so a polite approach and request for help seems in order.

Neither my mum or dad (and their partners) nor DH's parents have ever done 5 minutes of looking after or in any way assisting with our DC, who is now 11.
I am beyond jealous of anyone whose parents help out in any way.

I think you are absolutely right that your PiL could be asked to jump in this time, your parents do so much for you and your family that they deserve to sit back and relax this time. But.....why oh why does your OH think his parents shouldn't be away from the party but yours can easily be send on an errant?

if you don't find a solution between the two if you I would suggest to post the question in a neighbourhood group like Hopir or such and ask for a responsible adult that could pick up your daughter, bring her to her committment and back home. Of course you offer to pay for it.

Erm it sounds like your parents already do enough! Also cheeky to ask in laws... sorry OP but its time for you or your DH to sort this between yourselves...

You are not being unreasonable at all but i would ask the grandparents who do most first and tell them yove asked them first and give them option to refuse then ask the others. (Grandparent who does a lot speaking here!)

You seem annoyed that your DH’s parents don’t help out, but living such a distance away, they can’t. And your parents seem to do an awful lot, a lot more than most grandparents.

Can you not arrange for someone else to bring your DD, are any of her friends going to this event that she should go with ?

Don’t ask either ask a friend who’s not involved.

You can ask, and it would be a reasonable request, but don’t - as many MNters think - that they ‘owe you’ and don’t get out of your pram if they refuse

You're insinuating that PILS don't help out much because they're not inclined to rather than because they are living hundreds of miles away.

Fundamentally, why is any family gathering going ahead if primary family members are optional attendees, including your dd?

If dds event is THAT important - then reschedule yours.

Does DD have friends at this event that could bring her home? Or another family member? Or she just misses out.

Not much fun for in laws to drive around a place they don't know ( even with a sat nav) looking for for your daughters event.
I'm sure they would be as excited as you seem to be about their role as taxi drivers when they thought they were coming to a party to see their family.

The OP's parents may be genuinely happy to do this much childcare - in which case, great for the OP, I mean that, she has won the grandparent lottery.

But most normal people would count their blessings at that point. Especially when they also have a second set of grandparents who, whenever they have been asked, have driven hundreds of miles to pick up their grandchildren from weddings.

But, no, the OP thinks it's not fair that she doesn't have four people parenting helping her at all times, but only two.

I can understand why she and her DH might have got to this place - they just has never had to actually take responsibility for their children to the point where they debate which grandparents should do their errands rather than even consider doing it themselves or making their own arrangements - but it's just such an unattractive attitude. I hope the OP reflects on it even if she doesn't come back.

But unfortunately, quite common.

And I do think you're very entitled.

You are so lucky that your parents live so close and are healthy, happy and willing to help out so much.

Your DH's parents are not lesser nor do they "owe" you help

Sorry OP but I think either

1. Your DD misses out and stays at the party
2. You ask a non-family member to help out

You said the event is a party for you & DH. I presume this is something like an anniversary party. So I think it's entirely inappropriate to ask either or your parents to the event and then expect them to miss part of the event to drive your daughter about!

Me neither. One of the most entitled OP's I've seen in a long time. Even the way it's worded is as though the parents are some kind of PAs:

"They do all my holiday cover" etc

Just odd choice of phrasing for extended family voluntarily providing a GIGANTIC amount of help.

I don’t think I have ever read such a brutally entitled post on MN!
You don’t seem to appreciate at all how lucky you are that your parents are at your beck and call for childcare, it even sounds like you think it’s a bloody privilege to do that.
Sort out your own kid for once.