In law problems

My daughter is exactly the same. She is autistic too. She bolted once from a dog and nearly
got run over. We asked the gentleman twice not to come over but he still did and she ran into the road. I understand what you’re going through. I would be fuming at her grandad, he needs to educate himself on autism and phobias.

You obviously know nothing about phobias. Maybe educate yourself before commenting.

You should have checked the hotel first if you know your daughter has a dog phobia, especially a MASSIVE dog phobia . Don’t blame the bil . You should have also apologised or got your daughter to apologise to your fil for pushing past him to the point where she didn’t care who was in her way , she was just going to shove anyone out of the way regardless . Not on , and needs addressing . As for fil , well , that was his reaction. So what . You didn’t like his reaction, he didn’t like yours . As for his house rules , I doubt he is going to harm your kids mental state for god sake . Do they have fun otherwise? Maybe you mollycoddle your kids too much.

I don’t think you’re being entirely unreasonable.

If your BIL knows your autistic child has a fear of dogs and still chose to book a hotel, I’d be annoyed too.

I understand why some are saying you should have checked yourselves but you shouldn’t have to check if someone already knows that your autistic child has a fear that would cause them to run off.

Our DS1 is 9, non-verbal autistic is an escape artist and will bolt if a noise scares him even if he’s wearing ear defenders. DH has had to run after him along with BIL down a pavement on a busy street to chase after him. In-laws know that he has to have some accommodations in place or we can’t go.

Saying that, I have had a child run into me when picking up DS2 and cursed under my breath in pain (not at the child) because they jarred my leg sending pain through me. The child nor the parent apologised, didn’t tell their child to slow down (child was running about in a narrow crowded area where parents were standing in wait) and not run into people or even looked my way despite seeing the child do so, so I can see why your FIL was annoyed, but the way he went about it wasn’t on.

😂😂😂

Your Fil was harsh but probably got a bit of a shock and reacted without thinking. Overall he might be a bit mouthy for your liking but keep things in perspective.

It takes a village to raise a child as they say and although he can be unpleasant at times he’s not going to adversely affect their childhoods

It was very foolish of you not to check re the pet situation. One of my children is very fussy food wise and I always check in advance what’s on the menu. There’s a lesson for you in there.

hope you enjoy your DHs upcoming celebrations - sans in-laws/kids

If my kids ran into my dad- who's younger, and gave him a fright I'd apologise. My kids are NT but much younger, I'd still apologise and not explain that the 2 year old didn't mean it, I'd take that for granted.

I've also never shelled out for a hotel without looking it up to see if it was appropriate for my family. Especially when they were babies and had particular needs. I would definitely look up any accommodation in the future just to see if it's suitable for my family.

70??? Frail at 70??? Vulnerable? Jeez. Honestly shocked by the confidence with which you wrote all 70 year olds off as on their last legs 😄 The 70 year olds I know would not appreciate that.

70 is the new 90 according to some posters on this thread

If the FIL is 70, he's definitely elderly and most likely also a vulnerable person.

We don't allow people to shove into and harm elderly, vulnerable people - whether they're neuro diverse or not.

Just like we don't let people harm/murder others just because they have learning difficulties. FIL will be frail at that age, a fall could serious injure or even kill him, and he has a right not to be shoved by your DD. YABU in my view

Funny how some of us are able to review the hotel for our 40th birthday and decide if it's to our requirements, instead of blaming the organiser when it's not exactly what they want.

He sounds like a cantakerous old sod. Very similar to many older people from my childhood back in the 80s. I think if he is 'diluted' by others when your kid visits then there's not much need to worry. The kid will tell you if they do not want to be near him, surely? I take it there's no hint of DV etc in Grandad's home? If it were me I would tell DH to keep an eye on him and maybe explain that you as parents don't talk to the kids like that as it's counterproductive and he needs to respect this. I think it might resonate more from DH than you if he is as old school as he sounds.

Same

Well done, a blue Peter badge is being sent in the cunting post for ya.

Funny how some of us manage not to swear when knocked in to

So, DH left BIL to decide on the hotel that he was celebrating his 40th birthday in.

To be honest, as the organiser, people only ever moan at you if it's not exactly what they want and it's never going please everyone. I have sympathy with the organiser, if it wasn't viewed by DH, then he's unhappy with it, that's on him.

Nothing wrong with being 'common'. Don't be such a snob.

You FIL sounds common as muck

@weffers82 you paid a fortune but didn’t even bother to look up the hotel? Poor planning on your half, can’t blame it on BIL.

A few years ago we sat down at an outside table at a restaurant. The little girl at the next table became hysterical at our dog who was small and friendly. I would have moved to make things easier but there were no places available. Our dog tucked herself under the table so we decided to ride it out. Having no other option the girl calmed down. By the time we left she was petting her. Do you know anyone with a chilled out dog who she could gradually get to know? Might make her life easier.

What did he say to his brother and his father?

If this were Reddit, I'd say Everyone Sucks Here(ESH). Grandad for swearing (but he was startled and elderly; falling has huge consequences for him). Daughter for knocking into grandad (I get that we have autism in play here, but wanting to escape is no excuse for knocking people over). BIL's family for choosing a venue they know didn't accommodate daughter's fear. And you for thinking to take grandkids away from ILs for such trivial things (water on floor and butt on carpet included). Since this is not Reddit....YABU.

So you don't want to know AIBU?

You want to be agreed with?