Inheritance threads seriously wind me up......

This is absolutely right. DH is eldest of 3. His grandparent died recently and left alot of money. DH didn't expect anything, but she left some to all of her 5 grandchildren. But there was a big disparity between him and his siblings, along lines that they got 20k each and DH got 1k. DH is not an entitled person but you can see this has hurt him. It's not about the money at all. It's more he feels hurt as he can't understand why. Both him and his siblings have similar jobs, similar pay. None are really better or worse of than the other. His grandparent is absolutely entitled to leave what she wants to whom but it's left alot of questions for DH about things. I feel for him.

We had to have this discussion as a family recently as my mum died. Everything went to my dad. No arguments with my sister. Encouraged my dad to spend. Dad had to update his will, me and my sister are not grabby. My dad wanted it to be fair as I have no kids and my sister has 1.

I also earn less and was selling my house. My sister is very rich, lives a great life and doesn’t need money - all self made. I didn’t expect anything other than 50% if anything was left. We told my dad to do what he thinks was fair.

He has given 10% to my nephew. Rest split between my sister and me. But my sister has asked my dad to give me one of mums pension pots as a deposit for the house. She doesn’t want any equal share. Said to discount it.

my dad and me argued it needs to be fair. She says doesn’t matter and had a legal document written. Sometimes families can agree and argue over fairness.

I am grateful.

The leave it to anyone system is not the best.

Have a look at the forced heirship countries. People cannot just swoop in and influence someone to give to the cats home or a carer or a random at the eleventh hour.

Less need for litigation. The rules are cut and dried.

I find the passivity of relying on or assuming inheritance a bit gross . I believe everyone should strive to earn their own income, with inheritance serving as a bonus rather than the primary source.

@boysmuminherts

no idea what that poster is talking about. You absolutely can leave money directly to grandchildren, depending on age you may want to set up trusts etc and I assume your parents have been advised on the best way to do this

My mother has always blatantly favoured and spoiled my younger db. Doesn't care who sees it. Never taught him any boundaries and wouldn't let anyone else either.
Her excuse for a few years for spending less on db and me at Christmas was because we have kids but she doesn't even bother excusing herself now.
Dm is very money driven and is leaving younger db everything.
We don't care, it's the meaning behind it that's so upsetting and the fact people use money as a final fuck you is so hurtful.

You are exactly right. In our case, we are perceived as not needing help. True, but we live very modest lives whilst siblings piss up their money on holidays and take aways, and doing outings all the time and frankly living above their means and getting in debt. A few times MIL has mentioned about giving B and SIL money (not huge amounts but think around £500) as she had a bit extra money when they needed it....however she is forever complaining about money being tight , she has also contributed to some fees towards one of their kids for a private service (wont give more details) whilst they are going on holiday several times a year...I honestly wish she wouldn't tell us about these "one off contributions". Is not just money, years ago when we had our second child she told us she couldn't help babysitting both of them once every 2 weeks, whilst now she takes their 5 kids once a week to save them in childcare fees....

I enjoy them for the popcorn drama! If it's earned money then of course the family must respect the wishes of their family member. Inherited family money must be passed down though, for example if parents inherit family money from grandparents then it should go to the children (or neices and nephews if no children). Money Inherited from a spouse must be passed to the spouse's children, not the new wife.

Whilst you are entitled to your opinions, and yes they can leave money to who they want, I don’t understand why parents would want to treat children differently, they are ALL their children.

why should it matter of one has slogged away working hard when another takes the piss and has nothing, but mummy and daddy want to leave more money to them ‘as they have nothing’ but it’s the child’s choice, they could have done what their sibling did but didn’t, relying on mummy and daddy instead.

by treating your children differently , regardless of circumstances as to why, it will just result in bitterness in the child(den) who have less left because they worked hard, and certainly won’t lead to good sibling relationships once the parents have gone

i I don’t think parents think about that, or how their relationship when they are still alive with the child getting less would be affected

you should treat all your children the same

I think that entitlement comes from civil law jurisdictions where you typically have to give DCs at least 50 per cent of the estate to be shared equally, accounting for any life time gifts too.
I think there is a bit of a generational resentment going on as well. There is a huge divide now between those who are gifted assets vs those who are not. Earning enough is difficult these days and there is more uncertainty. Gen Z will probably not have a pension, not have the NHS and won’t be able to afford proper houses. So personally I do sympathise with them and their expectations. I think boomers/Gen X who don’t are a bit shortsighted and ungrateful too, arguably they are the entitled ones.

My father said that to me when I told him I wanted my child to have my partners surname and not mine.

I do agree that the person who made the will is completely entitled to leave THEIR money to whomever they wish. My Mum and her sister had to go to court over my GD's will as he left my Mum more money than my Auntie (my Auntie went no contact with him for the last 10 years of his life with no explanation) so I think she was lucky to have even been in it!!!
However on the other hand I can understand under some circumstances with siblings why it might be extremely hurtful for one sibling to get left more than the other. But ultimately, it's the person who's died decision!

AIBU when I am clearly stating that that the person/s leaving their assets behind to whoever is entitled to do as they so wish,

Whether you're unreasonable or not is in many ways broadly irrelevant, when you're possibly incorrect as to the law. To my knowledge, there's a greater range of testamentary freedom in England, so you might be able to do that there, but in Scotland, if you're married or you have a child, your spouse and your child have rights to your estate. You cannot write a will giving everything to your sister/niece/aunt/university.

The greatest freedom you have in disposing of your possessions is when you're alive (and even that may have tax implications or have consequences for the subsequent division of your estate). For what it's worth, I don't think it's ideal, but on the basic principle, I support the Scottish system. I do think that your children have a right to inherit from you.

@Crazycrazylady My parents want to give a cash lump sum to the grandchildren before dividing the remainder of the estate equally between their children. That's what their will states. Is this not possible?

Oh and the amount of people who use wills/inheritance as a threat. Oh she didn’t come to my birthday she’s out the will. Ffs maybe strive to be more to people than a walking piggy bank.

Under French law you cannot disinherit your dc. Job done.

Within the law, everyone has the right to do whatever they want. It doesn’t mean that won’t lead to upsetting others.

My parents are having a merry time spending as much of their money as possible on holidays. Good for them! However if they left me out of their will in favour of my siblings I’d feel pretty sad and like they loved me less. They have a perfect right to do so though if they choose.

Just share your money equally between your children . It’s not complicated.

I’m so glad I have an only child.

I find the threads fascinating. The sheer entitlement sometimes. Ultimately no one is entitled to anyone’s money and no one is obligated to give anyone anything. I’ve known people IRL who are planning what to do with their inheritance while their mum and dad are still fit and well. Lovely if people want to pass money along, but baffling to think you’re entitled to anyone’s money for any reason, and to plan spending it before it’s yours!!

(edited to clarify this doesn’t apply to legal battles when it is clear someone is behaving illegally or someone has been illegally omitted)

There seems to be an influx of inheritance threads over the last couple of months?

But YANBU OP, there are some very grabby people on here who are arguing over money before the body's even cold.

Every case is different because every family is different. Very few end up in court because hardly anybody has the money to do that. Some may end up in mediation, which is cheaper.

Nobody has a right to inherit anything, but I don't think it's an unrealistic assumption in most families that if there is anything to inherit it should be divided fairly between the deceased's nearest and dearest.

The really unfair ones are where something like this happens.

A and B are married for a long time. They buy a house and build up savings. A dies. B marries C. A few years later B dies, having either made no will or made a will leaving everything to C - same result, C gets everything, the children of the first marriage get nothing. In due course C's children inherit assets built up by A and B.

I don't think it's surprising in the slightest that the children of the first marriage would be extremely upset in those circumstances. It's not just about the money, it's about the lack of thought and the realisation that they weren't as important to B as C, who was only in B's life for a short time.

People can leave whatever they want to whoever they choose.

However a lot of families have perceived fairness issues and I can understand that.

My parents and PIL have all massively funded less successful siblings, think houses/cars/FT childcare etc, whereas I received nothing due to their view that I didn’t need anything.

I suspect this will continue at the point of inheritance. I don’t think it’s fair but I also don’t spend any time getting worked up about it. I can look after myself and my family.

People are absolutely allowed to leave this inheritance as they see fit. According to mumsnet though thr only acceptable way to divide a estate is evenly even if one child is a multi millionaire and the other struggling to feed themselves. Also grandchildren are a subset of their parents and can't receive an inheritance in their own right. The onus is on their parents to split there's.
Real life can often be more complicated than that.