Potential same birth date as SIL

Oh, maybe I misunderstood and your nephew is older.

You really need to find your confidence.

ideally your child would stay in your uterus for as long as possible.

Even if you have a c section, presumably her baby could come early and still arrive on same day? Or does she have a planned c section date?

Do no put yourself through major surgery just to get one over on this silly girl.

Do no put yourself through major surgery just to get one over on this silly girl.

Do not have major surgery with the potential risk of side effects and down time to appease some absolute chancer.

when you are unable to drive for 6 weeks after it, needing your partner to help you get off the bed for the week or so after, taking anti clot injections which HURT SO MUCH when you hit a vessel- and this chancer is still being mean/ spoilt will it have been worth it? Not to mention risk of post op infection and back pain complications as your core muscles are compromised.

you do what is best for your child. And then you. Screw this person.

Chances of it happening or the same day are very very slim.

My cousin is the 16th and I'm the 18th of the month with a 4 year age gap. We had a shared birthday party once in Mcdonald's. I was about 8 and I think she was 4. None of her friends could make it as they were all ill. We never did anything again.

You might need to be proactive in getting something organised but don't give out too many details. I wouldn't give it too much thought

From the sounds of her, having a birthday within a few weeks will lead to SIL being a CF.

You definitely need DH more inside with all this …

Yeah, this. What makes you think a day or two either side will make a difference? She’ll still want joint birthday parties.

Will they be born same day ? If different ages I do not think this will be an issue at all.

Where is her husband in all this?

Even if your child is born in the same week as hers she could potentially ask for joint birthday parties etc. very rarely children have a party on the actual day anyway unless it's a weekend.

Do what is best for you and your child.

My DC was due around my deceased grandad’s birthday, I also had GD and was told a c-section would be best and that date was looking likely. Everyone thought it would be nice but I just wanted DC to have their own day. I didn’t base my decision on whether to have an induction or c-section on that but it was a big worry to me (along with everything else) at the end of my pregnancy. You’re not crazy for thinking like this but you aren’t seeing the flaws in the plan. SIL will still ask to share parties so you just need to hold firm that your DC gets their own party. There’s a couple of years age difference between your nephew and your DC so it’s unlikely they’ll actually have the same interests and want their parties at the same places. There’s going to be no overlap between friends.

You’ve psyched yourself up for a c-section which now might not happen. You have the choice but sometimes being given a lot of choice is just as bad as having your choice taken from you. I think the good news is that you’ve prepared and mentally accepted a c-section so if you have an induction and end up there anyway, you should hopefully find it easier to accept the change in circumstances.

Will the cousins be going to same school ? Children usually would have a few school friends at party so would not be joint if different schools.
To be honest within a month of each other could still have shared party requests
Also not too many 8/9yo boys would like to share party with their girl cousin I say so again if different sex doubt it will be an issue for many birthdays.
By time they 11 or so will be making birthday arrangements with less parent input.

Personally i would never have a C section, vaginal birth was so easy for me both times, i recovered within a day. C section sounds like it was be horrid

Whether is your MIL in all this? Does she have no parents?

If you had to pay for the c section would you even be considering this?
Sounds insane to me

Yes, it would be insane to have a C-section you don't need just because you are scared "of having these comments every year".

"Let's have a joint birthday party."
"No, we'd rather just do our own, thanks. You can organise and pay for your own child's party."

You seriously think it's worth having major surgery just to avoid having that conversation once a year? You're being absolutely ridiculous.

It sounds like your husband really needs to step back from her anyway, given that she's clearly a) unpleasant and b) nuts. So now would be a good time for him to do that.

But they were going to be a week apart anyway, and odds on your sil would still ask for a joint party

the issue of how you give birth is up to you, however your dh needs to start setting some expectations with his sister, including not buying her stuff anymore on demand, loan her money with a clear repayment plan and clear expectations on how birthdays for the kids will take place

Leaving out the absolute insanity of

final straw was we got hacked and money stolen and my husband in a panic transferred money to her for safekeeping whilst 3 days later she then asked to keep it as we 'clearly have more money (I assume it was a big fat "fuck off" in response)

Do you want a c-section?

Being induced at 39w doesn't mean that a) you'll be induced bang on your 39w date or b) that you're baby will be born on the date of your induction (inductions can take a notoriously long time - my DC3 was a 24h induction but first babies are usually longer)

You need to think about your birth choices based on how you want to give birth and not how to avoid a certain date.