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AIBU?

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Original poster

Potential same birth date as SIL

68 replies

Keroppifrog2024 · 29/01/2024 15:42

Hey All,

I have a situation and I really need to know AIBU.

My SIL and me have had a lot of animosity over the years as she is constantly comparing herself financially to me and my husband. We both worked full time in reasonably well paid jobs but after the birth of her son has gone part time and on universal credit (her partner works full time).

My husband practically raised her as thier dad passed away when they were young and he has always paid for things (laptops, phones etc) and have lent her money numerous times that has never been paid back.

She has a history of pushing the boundaries I set and then stating that 'I am being too highly strung' and few examples are:

1- smoking in our flat when I expressly said not to
2- taking display items off of shelves and giving them to her so when I told her not to and them getting broken
3- final straw was we got hacked and money stolen and my husband in a panic transferred money to her for safekeeping whilst 3 days later she then asked to keep it as we 'clearly have more money'

Me and my husband are expecting our first child and the due date is 7th March but now due to gestational diabities I will need to be induced a week early. This poses a risk of our daughter being born on the same day as our nephew (SIL child).

Previously I had a low lying placenta so was told a C section is the only option but it's now moved so I can give birth vaginally.

Is it stupid to go for a C section just to avoid having a child on the same day??

I just know if they share a birthday it will be endless years of SIL asking to share birthday parties (but we will b expected to pay) and endless snide comments.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Keroppifrog2024 · 29/01/2024 18:37

Thanks!

OP posts:
yadayadayep · 29/01/2024 18:35

Keroppifrog2024 · 29/01/2024 15:46

We have told her no multiple times and my husband is firm with her stating we won't be giving her any money or paying etc.

It's more the worry of having years of these comments every year if our children share the same birthday.

A week won't make a difference. My daughter and niece are a week apart and we sometimes shared birthday parties (usually the weekend between the birthdays). Obviously in our case it was willingly; I very much doubt a week will put your SIL off.

Do what's best for you :)

Do what's right for you.

BroadMaude · 29/01/2024 18:22

You are all nuts

the end

Shinyandnew1 · 29/01/2024 18:21

Stop planing major surgery around otter peoples birthdays and start saying no to your sister law! Your DH needs to do this as well!

Tiredalwaystired · 29/01/2024 18:11

C sections are major surgery. This is not a good reason to voluntarily have major surgery.

LadyBird1973 · 29/01/2024 17:58

I think that if you let her affect something as important as your medical choices, you will resent her even more in the future!

Make it clear to your husband that she on her absolute last chance with you, so he needs to not be giving her money or treating her like she's his child

SoSoNuts · 29/01/2024 17:55

Children's birthdays have fuck all to do with this, YABU.

FloofyBird · 29/01/2024 17:39

There's no way you can guarantee they won't share a birthday whatever you do,

BananasInThreePieceSuits · 29/01/2024 17:17

Keroppifrog2024 · 29/01/2024 16:28

I will either need to be included or a C section at 39 weeks due to the GD. So that timeline is already decided. It just means if I am incude the same birth date is more likely.

No, it doesn’t. Why do you think that?

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 29/01/2024 17:13

My son and my niece have birthdays 1 day apart. Although they do have a 9 year age gap which might make a difference.

But they actually love it. DS tells niece she's the best birthday present he ever had. She thinks almost having the same birthday as her hero is the best thing in the world. It's adorable.

Moonshine5 · 29/01/2024 17:13

OMG your child's health and your well being should be a priority. Either you or your DH tell her NO and mean it.

bluestarthread · 29/01/2024 17:04

If your nephew is already 3 then it’s a fair gap to be avoiding a joint party. He’s also unlikely to be wanting to share a party with a girl 3 years younger. Don’t over think it!

Kosenrufugirl · 29/01/2024 17:02

Children's birthday parties always happen on the weekend regardless which day of the week a child is born. So if that's your worry it's likely to happen anyway unless you and your husband learn to stand up for yourself. Secondly very few children are born on the day their parents think they will be born. Thirdly you don't want to go for a surgery for this reason.

Anonymouslyposting · 29/01/2024 17:02

My DS and my sister have the same birthday - it’s no issue and we don’t do joint parties. Just do whatever you think is best for you and your baby and don’t let her dictate something so important.

Namerequired · 29/01/2024 17:01

She may still ask for joint parties whether it’s the same day, a week out or even a few weeks out. Just say no. Don’t consider it in your birth plans

Ellie1015 · 29/01/2024 16:55

She is a CF and she will attempt joint parties if shared birthday or same week. Just fo what is best for you and the baby and deal with shared party issue if it comes up.

Daffyyellow · 29/01/2024 16:47

Whether your children are born on the same day it’s likely they will be born close together - so SIL could still ask to share, Learn to say no and mean it.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

NamingConundrum · 29/01/2024 16:46

Whatever happens, its likely your child will be born within a week or so of his birthday. Which means nearest weekend to both will be the same too most likely so she will still want to share! It's going to be a problem whatever so take the stress off and cut her out.

Shortbreadfingerss · 29/01/2024 16:36

Sounds like you have bigger issues than birthdays being close together, either with your SIL or your husband for putting her first and not standing up to her!

But yes YABU and ridiculous for this being the deciding factor in having a c-section.

TheBayLady · 29/01/2024 16:33

What will you do if you book a section and she gives birth on that day ? You need to tell her to bugger off and go very low contact with her.

IsthisthereallifeIsthisjustfantasy · 29/01/2024 16:32

Even if their birthdays end up being a few days apart, they will likely still share a birthday weekend so the pressure for joint parties will be there regardless.

Penguinmouse · 29/01/2024 16:32

Keroppifrog2024 · 29/01/2024 15:53

I was told a C-Section has been needed due to my placenta throughout my whole pregnancy and today it has decided to move so now I have a choice.

I get your point but if I hadn't spent months prepping to have a C section it would have even crossed my mind.

Perhaps.its the shock of now a change and also the SIL at the same time but this is why I wanted some opinions.

When I was a teenager, I was repeatedly told that I’d need a c-section due to a heart condition and then when actually pregnant years later the doctors told me the advice had changed and it wasn’t medically necessary but I could still have one. Having spent nearly 20 years building up to the idea of having a c-section, I decided to proceed (and separately am really glad I did) so I really understand have this point of view. However, it is a major piece of surgery so you should consider carefully. The most important thing is the health of you and your baby. Proceed with what you feel is safest and forget about her - maybe block her number for the time around your due date. Then in future you don’t have to share activities if you don’t want to, you just need to say “this is what we are doing.” As long as you are prepared to be fair around dates etc if you are expecting family to attend things, it is reasonable to want to do things yourself

lavagal · 29/01/2024 16:31

Our nieces birthday is 3 weeks after our DD and we are still asked yearly if we want to do joint parties.

The date will still fall in the ball park whether they are born on the same day or not

UABU just say no to sharing parties

Original poster
Keroppifrog2024 · 29/01/2024 16:28

I will either need to be included or a C section at 39 weeks due to the GD. So that timeline is already decided. It just means if I am incude the same birth date is more likely.

OP posts:
thebestinterest · 29/01/2024 16:27

Mariposistaaa · 29/01/2024 16:21

Do no put yourself through major surgery just to get one over on this silly girl.

This. I think it’s bonkers that op is even considering that.

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