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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do men do this?

59 replies

ihayemen · 28/01/2024 12:59

Broke up with DP a few months ago. Been talking pretty much daily, mostly arguing but he made it clear he wants to be back together

I slept with someone and I told him when he asked.

He then slept with other women and did stuff with some too.

Says he did it cos he was drunk; missing me and to distract himself from the hurt. Says he didn't like the women or find them attractive, he just basically used them. Denies even wanting sex with them but that's gotta be bs if he kept doing it. :says he wanted to feel wanted.

Which gives me the ick

Why do men do this? Why not just talk it out with me?

AIBU: you're naive, he wanted them not you
YNBU: men are shit

OP posts:
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edissa · 28/01/2024 18:18

ihayemen · 28/01/2024 17:18

Nobody cheated. We weren't together when we did what we did

Then there's no issue?? Confused

Wadermellone · 28/01/2024 18:14

ihayemen · 28/01/2024 17:18

Nobody cheated. We weren't together when we did what we did

Exactly! So what’s the issue?

Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 28/01/2024 17:59

But you slept with someone first

jf1992x · 28/01/2024 17:51

You're both childish as f 😂 move on. Grow up.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 28/01/2024 17:47

It’s goose / gander shit this, if you wanna be together, be together and if not don’t.

”Why are men like this” is a dodgy assertion when your behaviour (shagging yourself up a nice bit of validation) equally does not represent the behaviour of all women.

jadey1991 · 28/01/2024 17:44

Op you really don't have a leg to stand on in the debate. You were both not together. Regardless of what he has said to you your can't blame him.

You slept woth someone as wanted the attention which you got but you don't want the man. Your ex wanted the same and doesn't want them women.

I don't think your relationship will ever work if you nothing just sleep around to be wanted. It's tit for tat.

BMW6 · 28/01/2024 17:41

Oh Good Grief 🙄

gamerchick · 28/01/2024 17:31

Is this what you want your life to be like OP, thriving on stupid drama? This relationship is dead. Unless you want your life to be a cycle of this crap end it once and for all and be by yourself for a bit before taking on another bloke.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 28/01/2024 17:29

You didn’t want the man? But slept with anyway? And not annoyed your ex didn’t want the women and slept with them anyway

This. Why was it ok for you to sleep with someone you didn't like but not ok for him to do it. How odd

Coconutter24 · 28/01/2024 17:28

ihayemen · 28/01/2024 15:54

Because although we broke up we were suooosed to be working on our relationship and fixing it to be together

Sleeping with someone wasn't the issue, the lies were and acting like he didn't want them when he did

If you had broke up and supposed to be working on the relationship why did you sleep with someone else? He obviously just acted like an idiot and also slept with someone because he was jealous but if you’re supposed to be fixing this why are either of you entertaining anyone else?

alwaysmovingforwards · 28/01/2024 17:22

Whitefoxnight · 28/01/2024 13:03

I don't think you two should get back together.

I think they should!
Sound made for each other...

Grimchmas · 28/01/2024 17:21

It's not men. It's him. And it sounds like it's well and truly over.

Captnip500 · 28/01/2024 17:19

ihayemen · 28/01/2024 16:32

I did it to feel wanted.. validation. I didn't want the man.

But I also didn't lie like ex did. He told me no women, then 1, then 3, turns out it was 6. He kept lying to me when I told him ee both need to be honest to fix this (he has a history of lying which led to our split)

I was trying to rebuild trust and our relationship, but he was still lying

And all theee women he might not have found attractive, but one of them he was trying to see again, spend time with and have cuddles - that's a relationship to me

I am sorry OP but there is no hope for this relationship. Your sex lives have both moved on and it’s time for you both to emotionally
move on too.

You know he is a liar, that hasn’t changed since you broke up. What makes you think this relationship would be better the second time around?

Original poster
ihayemen · 28/01/2024 17:18

Nobody cheated. We weren't together when we did what we did

OP posts:
BIWI · 28/01/2024 17:13

How old are you @ihayemen?

Sounds like you have some growing up to do.

SummerFeverVenice · 28/01/2024 17:12

I slept with someone and I told him when he asked.

So you broke up with him by sleeping with someone else and kept it secret until he asked. Then he decides to sleep around too.

This isn’t a man issue, I’d would do the same thing if my partner cheated on me and I’m a woman.

GreatGateauxsby · 28/01/2024 17:11

OneTC · 28/01/2024 13:01

I slept with someone

When's the wedding?

😅😅😅

my thoughts exactly.

delete, block, move on

MartinsSpareCalculator · 28/01/2024 17:11

What was your reason for sleeping with someone else? His, as a single man, was probably similar.

ManchesterBea · 28/01/2024 17:09

What a prince.

Clarinet1 · 28/01/2024 17:09

It really doesn’t sound as though either of you really wants to have a worthwhile relationship with the other. You are certainly not going the right way about it. Just call it a day and you can either find someone who deserves you or continue playing the field or stay single for a bit.

Bobbotgegrinch · 28/01/2024 16:56

He doesn't owe you any information about what happened when you weren't together. He was single. I don't really understand why you want to know anyway?

GreyBlackLove · 28/01/2024 16:52

This reads as though you are poorly matched, both using other people and on your part you are toying with someone who wants to get back together in "keep them dangling" sort of way. You both slept with other people, you're still arguing despite being broken up, you've created these double standards - best you can do is grow up and move on

Wadermellone · 28/01/2024 16:34

ihayemen · 28/01/2024 16:32

I did it to feel wanted.. validation. I didn't want the man.

But I also didn't lie like ex did. He told me no women, then 1, then 3, turns out it was 6. He kept lying to me when I told him ee both need to be honest to fix this (he has a history of lying which led to our split)

I was trying to rebuild trust and our relationship, but he was still lying

And all theee women he might not have found attractive, but one of them he was trying to see again, spend time with and have cuddles - that's a relationship to me

If you weren’t together then you had no right to know

If him keeping things is a big issue in the relationship and you knew he wasn’t being honest, why did you keep pushing. Rather than just accept he didn’t want to tell you and call it a day.

You didn’t want the man? But slept with anyway? And not annoyed your ex didn’t want the women and slept with them anyway?

Sounds like you have massive double standards when it comes to your behaviour.

Wadermellone · 28/01/2024 16:32

ihayemen · 28/01/2024 15:54

Because although we broke up we were suooosed to be working on our relationship and fixing it to be together

Sleeping with someone wasn't the issue, the lies were and acting like he didn't want them when he did

So how did you sleeping with someone assist on working on the relationship?

Did you tell your ex about how much you fancied the person you slept with? How much they turned you on? You had feelings for them and told your dp?

Original poster
ihayemen · 28/01/2024 16:32

I did it to feel wanted.. validation. I didn't want the man.

But I also didn't lie like ex did. He told me no women, then 1, then 3, turns out it was 6. He kept lying to me when I told him ee both need to be honest to fix this (he has a history of lying which led to our split)

I was trying to rebuild trust and our relationship, but he was still lying

And all theee women he might not have found attractive, but one of them he was trying to see again, spend time with and have cuddles - that's a relationship to me

OP posts: