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AIBU?

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Original poster

Horror at friend’s mother’s tan!

549 replies

Triggerscollectionbox · 27/01/2024 18:53

I have NC for this because I am not sure if the Mother is on here. I would like opinions.
My daughter is 19 and is friends with 3 other girls. All lovely girls, very tight friendship. Always in each other’s houses including mine.
Last week they were all at one of the girl’s houses watching Love Island. The girl’s mother came in to the bedroom in a towel and asked her daughter to apply her fake tan as she was going out.
The girl said no prob and got out and took the tanning mitt from her mother who then slipped off the towel where she was naked except for a thong. The girls continued watching Love Island and continued laughing and joking while the girl applied the tan for her Mother.
All of a sudden one if the girls got up and said she was leaving. The others thought it was strange but thought nothing more of it.
The girl texted into the group chat later that night saying she was absolutely traumatised by having to see this girl’s mother in just a thong and that her friend putting tan on her mother was borderline incest. She refuses to go to the house again and is blaming my daughter and her friends for not speaking up and saying they were uncomfortable. They weren’t!
Now I wouldn’t do it but I don’t think it was a bad thing to do? It’s caused such a rift in the group but the girl seems incessant that the others are not bothered by it. The girl doesn’t want to tell her Mother of her friend’s disgust as she says she will be very hurt.

IABU…. This was wrong of the mother and daughter to do and wrong of the other girls not to be upset.

IAMBU….This girl has every right to have her own boundaries but has no right to get angry on those whose boundaries differ.

OP posts:
ChedderGorgeous · 27/01/2024 18:56

This is also what Donald Trump does

Lammveg · 27/01/2024 18:58

I think there's a middle ground here. It was wrong of the mother to do that but her daughter is probably used to it. If the other girls were OK with it, that's fine, but I don't blame the girl for leaving.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/01/2024 19:01

I’m surprised that the mum was wearing something so revealing that she needed an all over tan. I would be weirded out by seeing my friend’s mum nearly naked but not traumatised.

Elephantsareace · 27/01/2024 19:01

The girl is over-reacting with incest stuff but not in being uncomfortable with a good as naked woman joining them. Very weird thing to do.

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/01/2024 19:01

Absolutely no issue with her leaving if she wasn't comfortable, I wouldn't be either and I think it's a really weird thing to do in front of visitors, but if the others were genuinely ok with it then she's shouldn't project her discomfort on to them.

petitetiti · 27/01/2024 19:01

Hmmm... I don't think anyone was wrong really. People have different boundaries.

Maybe mum could have checked with the others before getting undressed in front of them? But not the end of the world.

PossumintheHouse · 27/01/2024 19:02

Love Island is on at 9pm, isn’t it? What time was she heading out? Also, who puts fake tan on at such a late hour? 🧐

saltnvini · 27/01/2024 19:02

I think they should have gone to another room if she was literally just in a thong

saltnvini · 27/01/2024 19:03

PossumintheHouse · 27/01/2024 19:02

Love Island is on at 9pm, isn’t it? What time was she heading out? Also, who puts fake tan on at such a late hour? 🧐

Edited

It's available on catch up tv

Original poster
Triggerscollectionbox · 27/01/2024 19:03

I am not sure about the going out thing but could have been one of those overnight ones you shower after next morning. The mother was going out Fri night, this was Thurs.

OP posts:
ConsuelaHammock · 27/01/2024 19:05

Option three - The mother was inappropriate. The girls can feel however they want.

GoldenMeadow · 27/01/2024 19:05

Incest?! Bloody hell overreaction much?

I mean it's certainly embarrassing and I'm laughing at the thought of it, but to claim you've been mentally scarred in some way is just ridiculous.

Hiddenvoice · 27/01/2024 19:05

If the mum and her dd are fine with it then fair enough but massively inappropriate to do it in front of others. Why couldn’t they go into another room or wait until the friends had left?

Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries and sadly this crossed this girls boundaries so no one can tell she’s in the wrong for being upset . If your dd wasn’t bothered then fair enough.
I’d leave them to it and let them figure it out themselves.

Original poster
Triggerscollectionbox · 27/01/2024 19:05

I think the main issue is that this girl is not talking to any of the girls now because they had no problem with it. I absolutely understand she has her own boundaries and was perfectly within her rights to leave if she was uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Wadermellone · 27/01/2024 19:06

I can’t vote. The girl who is upset is fine to find that uncomfortable. Calling it borderline incest is ridiculous. Blaming other people, who were fine with it, for not calling it out is also ridiculous. They had no clue she wasn’t happy so why would they say anything if they were fine with it.

However, the mother isn’t wrong for asking her daughter to do it. As long as the daughter is comfortable. She shouldn’t however have just dropped her towel in front of young women like that. It was likely to make at least one of them uncomfortable.

This all sounds quite ridiculous to be honest.

MysweetAudrina · 27/01/2024 19:07

I put tan on my dd16 back last night as she is going out tonight. Not the same as my 2 dogs and one of the cats were on the bed with me when she came in, but now that I think if it the cat did leave. It never occurred to me that she may have taken offence.

DobieGrayshark · 27/01/2024 19:09

MysweetAudrina · 27/01/2024 19:07

I put tan on my dd16 back last night as she is going out tonight. Not the same as my 2 dogs and one of the cats were on the bed with me when she came in, but now that I think if it the cat did leave. It never occurred to me that she may have taken offence.

This made me laugh!

Lighrbulbmo · 27/01/2024 19:09

the Mother was totally UR.

SapphireEyes88 · 27/01/2024 19:11

Personally I think it's weird to do it in the same room as the friends, mum and daughter should have gone elsewhere. Saying that, if everyone was OK with it, fair enough.
In terms of the overreaction from the one girl... Is it not possible that she's been through some trauma and this has triggered her? Her response seems very in line with ptsd in my experience.

Dominoeffecter · 27/01/2024 19:11

My dd’s have tanned my back before but never in front of an audience, seems unusual to me but nothing to be traumatised over!

CaineRaine · 27/01/2024 19:14

Its’s beyond weird to get naked in front of your daughter’s friends, the mother is spectacularly dense not to have realised this.

YankSplaining · 27/01/2024 19:14

The girl is unreasonable to call it borderline incest. However, the other girl’s mother was also unreasonable to think that there was no chance that any of the girls would be uncomfortable with her sitting there nearly nude. This wasn’t a situation like a locker room, where you go into it expecting nudity.

Fluffypuppy1 · 27/01/2024 19:18

All sounds very weird. If the mum needed some help with her fake tan surely she would only need help to apply it to her back (she could do the rest of her body herself) so no need for her to be topless and in a thong?

Plenty of other options that didn’t require her to be half naked having her daughter rub cream on her body. Do that before the friends arrive? Call the daughter into mum’s room to briefly help her?

Original poster
Triggerscollectionbox · 27/01/2024 19:18

I don’t know if it’s because the Mum is still quite young at 36 that she thought it was ok. I certainly wouldn’t do it! The issue is now that the girl refuses to speak to any of them because they didn’t find it uncomfortable. She is insisting that it was like incest and that she felt like she was in a Porn video. I honestly never thought of the fact she could have this reaction due to past trauma and maybe that was shortsighted of me in hindsight.

OP posts:
edissa · 27/01/2024 19:18

CaineRaine · 27/01/2024 19:14

Its’s beyond weird to get naked in front of your daughter’s friends, the mother is spectacularly dense not to have realised this.

This! I say this as a mother to a 17 year old girl. Never in a million years would I be naked apart from a thong in front of my daughter's mates. Such odd behaviour.