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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mumsnet phone helpline

82 replies

Flyhigher · 26/01/2024 23:46

What if there was a Mumsnet phone line?
Would it work? Or fraught with difficulties?

OP posts:
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Castellanos · 28/01/2024 13:24

Just love the <tinkly on hold music> 😂

NoOrdinaryMorning · 27/01/2024 23:30

WellThatEsculatedQuickly · 27/01/2024 02:41

This is the funniest thread I've ever seen on mumsnet 😂🤣😂🤣😂

Are you new? There's some in classics that will have you crying with laughter

cestlavielife · 27/01/2024 23:13

Helplines exist with trained personnel
You can call samaritans any time for a chat
do you need to talk to someone? They won't mind whatever it is you need to talk about

Cleanbedsheets · 27/01/2024 23:11

To cash the cheque, press 1

To flounce, hang up

CaramelizedToffee · 27/01/2024 22:43

Press Option 20 if you wish to be patronizing and snobby about a Baby Name.

Castellanos · 27/01/2024 19:09

If you'd like to LTTFO (listen to the fucking options) again, please press star

SoDoffYourHat · 27/01/2024 18:20

Press 250000 if that's your household income and you need help because you're struggling financially.

Bex5490 · 27/01/2024 16:02

Press 25 if you’d rather be drawn into a debate on a subject you didn’t think you cared about than talk to the children in your house.

Press 26 to be told you are owed no inheritance, no babysitting by your in-laws and that to go NC over an insulted cheese flan is a perfectly reasonable response.

Press 27 if you want to get involved with a conversation that you KNOW was actually started by a 15 year old troll but have nothing better to do.

😂

LookItsMeAgain · 27/01/2024 15:10

PamelaParis · 26/01/2024 23:53

"If you don't think you are being unreasonable, press 1.
If you're complaining about your in-laws, press 2.
If you just can't be bothered to Google, press 3.
For all other queries, please hold."

<tinkly on hold music>

"Please stay on the line...your call is important to us.
Did you know that you can post on www.mumsnet.com/talk^^ to get a faster response to your query."

<more on hold music for another 5 minutes>

"You are caller 5,631 in this queue. Please stay on the line and an agent will be with you as soon as possible. Your call is important to Mumsnet.com"

<Even more on hold music>

"You are next. You will be transferred to an agent, please hold...."

click (phone hangs up)

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redheadsaregreat · 27/01/2024 15:09

HirplesWithHaggis · 26/01/2024 23:48

Who would staff it? Provide training? On what topics? How would it be paid for?

Do you not realise that MN is a private limited company?? It is like any other business. It has a revenue of nearly £9 million a year Did you think it was some little people sitting around doing it in their spare time????? 😂😂😂

JamieJ93 · 27/01/2024 15:08

"we are experiencing a large number of calls and there may be a delay in answering your call, please hold for the next available operator, or call back later"

therealcookiemonster · 27/01/2024 14:55

mumsnetters answering calls should receive special training on getting across the passive aggressive head tilt over the phone...

therealcookiemonster · 27/01/2024 14:49

PamelaParis · 26/01/2024 23:53

"If you don't think you are being unreasonable, press 1.
If you're complaining about your in-laws, press 2.
If you just can't be bothered to Google, press 3.
For all other queries, please hold."

this is the one

RandomButtons · 27/01/2024 14:48

Press 23 if you’re in desperate need of medical assistance but would rather talk to randomers than attend A&E.

KitchenSinkLlama · 27/01/2024 14:48

I immediately thought of Father Ted!

Mumsnet phone helpline
RandomButtons · 27/01/2024 14:46

Press 22 if you have more than 50p in savings and need to be told to stop bragging about it.

madroid · 27/01/2024 14:44

Press any number you like because you know we won't read anything you type before we respond.

Talkamongstyourselves · 27/01/2024 14:41

Press 6 for benefit bashing
Press 7 for social housing bashing
Press 8 higher earning bashing
Hang up if you're a Step-parent.

LauderSyme · 27/01/2024 14:41

Press 29 for humble brag.

There would also have to be an option to start a conversation and then simply never speak again despite a huge amount of conversational input from the other party.

SingsongSu · 27/01/2024 14:40

RobertaFirmino · 27/01/2024 02:03

It could be staffed by MNers. Calls would go something like this:

Caller: 'I'm so upset. We were just coming out of McDonald's when my DC tripped, fell flat on their face and knocked 7 teeth out. What's the best thing to give them for the pain?'

MNer: You let your children eat McDonald's?

🤣🤣🤣

alwaysmovingforwards · 27/01/2024 14:38

TobiasForgesContactLense · 26/01/2024 23:52

Press 1 for MIL problems, press 2 for DIL problems, press 3 for general cheeky fuckery (including parking), press 4 for children under 5 issues,..........

Press 6 for basic diagram training, it's crucial to supply these on demand when called for.

SingsongSu · 27/01/2024 14:38

TobiasForgesContactLense · 26/01/2024 23:52

Press 1 for MIL problems, press 2 for DIL problems, press 3 for general cheeky fuckery (including parking), press 4 for children under 5 issues,..........

Haha I’m in! 😅

LauderSyme · 27/01/2024 14:37

😁😁Great idea for a thread!

But how would sweary exhortations to RTFT work??

PPTorPDF · 27/01/2024 14:33

NotQuiteNorma · 27/01/2024 14:26

...and finally press 9 if you think you might have accidentally just washed the inside of your vagina...

I was going to say this!

NotQuiteNorma · 27/01/2024 14:28

And if you're waiting for your husband to realise you're right and he is wrong, please hold....for a very long time..