Split between siblings and grandchildren

Following with interest. My husband and I have no children, but his sibling has three children. His parents don’t want to leave 50% of their estate to my husband’s sibling because they believe (probably correctly) that it will be entirely frittered away and that the three grandchildren will ultimately end up with nothing. Consequently, they’ve specified in their will that each grandchild will receive £50k and the remaining estate will then be split 50/50 between my husband and his sibling. I understand their logic, but this reduces my husband’s (potential) inheritance and he feels it’s unfair and believes the 3x £50k should be taken from his sibling’s share. He won’t say anything to his parents or get involved as it’s ultimately up to them how they wish to divide their estate. However, as another poster has said, what if the sibling had 10 children? Where would it all stop?

My family doesn’t discuss money so I’m not aware of how my own parents intend to divide their estate. My own sibling has two children and I would not be in the least bit surprised if the estate was split equally four ways… 25% each to me, my sibling and my two niblings. I would feel very hurt by this, however, as it would reinforce in my mind that my sibling is the golden child. It’s not about the money, it’s about the rationale of those decisions, and I doubt there would be any explanation provided.

It’s so easy to see how money/inheritances can tear families apart.

This could be the same as my situation when I get to your mums age. I have 2 adult DDs. One is single with no children and the other is married with 2 DDs. If I were in your mums position I would leave a bequest to my grandchildren, either money or jewellery and the rest of the estate split 50/50 between my 2 DDs.

I am really not sure how you would broach this with your mum though. Are you sure she means split her whole estate 5 ways or just personal belongings like jewellery? In which case I can understand that. If she means split the whole estate 5 ways I think that is unfair. However no one can take inheritances for granted. She might need that money for care.

I wonder if your mum is concerned that if she gave you snd your sister 50/50 her half would be frittered away, so wants some kept aside for the grandchildren? If half went to your sister and she's not good with money, her or her husband could keep dipping into it leaving nothing for their children ( not in a cruel way, intending to put it back) then not having any money whereas if its left directly to the children at least its there for them. By the time you die they could possibly be in thrir 50's.

My mum was going to do this ( but the children are mine and my dbro has no children) but was advised not to because Capital gains tax. I'm not sure what the rules are re this or whether the dolicitor was right. Fwiw all my inheritances will be going to my kids anyway, to pay uni fees/ house deposits because otherwise their lives will be a huge struggle I think, so I won't see any of my inheritance. Dbro will be able to do what he likes with his half.

For gods sake 🤣🤣

Doesn't matter what house its going to, its about the PERSON (for gods sake).

OP and sister will receive exactly the same. Children are people in their own right.

OP's siblings family is also OP's family!

OP's sibling will no more own the money going to the grandchildren than OP will.

OP's sibling and the grandchildren are individuals, not one unit.

But 4/5ths of the estate is coming in to her immediate family! The OP's situation is not remotely comparable to her sisters for God's sake.

But that's not remotely similar. In fact it's more similar to what OP wants (in her favour).

OP's mum isn't splitting 60/20/20, she's splitting 20/20/20/20/20. Each one of the five especially loved individuals gets an equal share.

What OP wants is 50% to her alone and 50% to be shared between the other four loved family members, so 50/12.5/12.5/12.5/12.5 in OP's favour, which is clearly completely and ridiculously unfair.

Personally I'd probably go for something like 35 /35/10/10/10, but ultimately it's up to OP's mum to decide.

Depends. My dad has just died and was far closer to 3 of his 5 grandkids than my brother. Depends on the family dynamics.

It's what your Mum wants to do. It's no one else's decision. Your sister is losing out in the same way as you!

If your mum wants her granddaughters to inherit some money, then this is the only fair way to do it

Well no, it isn't. As several posters have already suggested the mum could set aside a proportion of her estate - whether that's cash or specific items of jewellery - to be passed directly to each granddaughter. After she has done that, the bulk of the estate is then split 50-50. In that way the 2 daughters get exactly equal shares, but each granddaughter gets something personally as well.

Surely the granddaughters would benefit indirectly from their mother having more money? To me it seems bonkers to give the same amount of money to an 8-year-old girl (who presumably has no personal expenses) as to a 45-year-old woman who is working full time and living on her own in rented accommodation.

I think you have to accept that grandparents have a direct relationship with their grandchildren and love them for themselves, not just an extension of their parents, so it is completely fair and normal for grandchildren to get something directly from grandparents, rather than waiting for it to come down through the parents.

That. I don't think it should be five ways, but I think that three ways, with the children's third split between them, is understandable (and fairly common).
I'm thinking of changing my will to reflect that. I have two grandchildren by one daughter, and the other has a partner but doesn't intend having children.

I'll talk to the child free daughter first, but I honestly think that she'll be fine with it. She adores her nieces, and recognises how each generation is having more problems financially. If I suggest that i put that third in trust for them, I think she'll approve.

@Wouldliketobeanon if she splits including all the grandchildren then that will be massively unfair to you! it really should be 50:50! has your sister perhaps said something to her????

What's 'fair' means different things to different people. I would hazard a guess that your mum doesn't think she's being unfair.

Honestly, I would want my child to tell me how they felt. So tell her how you feel, maybe 1/3rds as a compromise and that neices will pretty much get it all in end etc. it’s my money and I Will decide but sometimes opinions count

But your mum is splitting the money equally.

So you aren't worth less, you are worth EXACTLY the same as her other daughter and three granddaughters.

I actually don't think it's unfair. I think it's fair.

Under this system, you and your sister end up with the same amount - which is fair.

If your sister was given half but the expectation is she would then split it with her daughters (because your mum would like them to have some of her money) , she would end up with significantly less than you - unfair.

If your mum wants her granddaughters to inherit some money, then this is the only fair way to do it - otherwise she is giving you significantly more than your sister

Yeah does seem unfair but nothing you can do really.

I don’t think we’re owed anything by our parents, I mean it was hers and husband’s money and they could give the lot to charity if they chose.

I totally understand you feeling upset but don’t let money or inheritance cause a rift or resentment when (unless you say otherwise) I’m assuming she’s done everything she needed to do as a mum and raised you lovingly. ❤️

I wonder if your mum would consider what will happen when your sister's inheritance has been spent, and whether you'd like to have some to help them out just as she's helped out that side of the family over the years?

Tell your dm your going to leave your own estate divided 60 20 20 with the bulk going to the oldest niece.
When she says that’s unfair then point out that you feel the same about her will.
Then let the penny drop.

All my friends who come from the kind of families who have something to leave, inherited a decent chunk from their grandparents . That’s how they all got on to the property ladder in their early twenties, whereas the rest of us had to save for another ten years! My parents and parents in law will have something to
leave and I would be very surprised if they didn’t leave anything to their adored grandchildren.

But she's being given exactly the same as her sibling!

Her sibling is not being given more.

Her mum just may also choose to leave a portion of her estate to other people she also loves, be that grandchildren, other family members, whoever she chooses.

Money left to grandchildren is no more left to OP's sibling than it is to OP.

Your mother's plan makes sense.
She wants her jewellery to be passed on and worn.
It's lovely that the GD will have some.

It's your Mum's decision but it would still hurt. It's like you're worth less because you didn't have children.