Domestic abuse

OP you haven't done anything wrong and none of this is your fault. DA perpetrators know exactly what they are doing and it all comes down to control - every time.

If you haven't already, pls Google "gaslighting" and "the power and control wheel" to get an understanding on tactics used and you'll be surprised how much it will ring true.

Report him and get you and your children away from him. The domestic abuse act 2021 states that children who witness domestic abuse makes them victims in their own right.

Call your local authority for advice on how to deal with leaving an abusive relationship - support and advice is out there, you just need to ask for it.

Good luck OP.

Report the phone stolen, EE will cancel the service. If it's in your name and he won't return, it is technically stolen.

Glad to read youve ditched this twat, hes abusive, controlling and nasty. Does he literally think youre gonna go “oh love, ive made a mistake, silly me, im everything youve said on text, come home and let me take care of you”. Nah let him keep spewing his hate. He will soon get bored. Keep all texts. Write down, all the shitty things that have happened in the relationship prior to this so youve got something to refer to when you wobble. He needs to grow up. Oh and every time he threatens to kill himself call the police for a welfare check, he will soon stop

I stupidly got a phone in my name for him when he smashed his when he found out the mother of his children got another boyfriend..

How much is owed on this contract?

You need to log this incident with the police. Just call or go in and tell them what happened.

Then they have what happened on file, it’s quite important.

Please don't wait until he shows up. You have enough evidence now that he is a danger to you. Please call them.

Have a great night tonight @tp2711! Keep him muted and don’t read the messages. Leave his stuff outside in bin bags x

Hi, I’m in Bristol.

sounds like you’ve got it sorted with his mum but feel free to give me a pm if needed x

I hope you get a good break from all this tomorrow.

I would stop using this phone, can you go and buy a cheap payg for calls and texts only. You can manage without Internet for a while or buy a sim card.

Is it your phone he is using, did you buy it for him. How does he know you are going out, is he likely to cause trouble. I would let the police know, this is threatening behaviour.

Can you change your phone number?

He sounds bonkers, are you safe. Has he collected his belongings yet. Can you divert his messages to spam so you don't need to read them.

OP I think you have done an amazing job of getting all those things actioned, ie, the ring doorbell, the police flagging your address, etc. You seem to be gathering your strength by the moment. Well done!!

Please don't worry about coming on MN for support, lots of us have been in similar difficult relationships at some point in our lives, and we all handle them differently. OK, you've made some mistakes, but now is the time to turn your back on him and the past, and concentrate on moving forward. We're all here for you, egging you on to a better future. Just stay strong, and as others have said, just have a cursory look at his texts, if you feel you must, but once he's got his stuff, I wouldn't have thought you need to even do that.

Do not engage.
He is manipulating you.
His is trying to turn himself into the victim.
Do not lose sight of what he did to you.

Write it down and read it. Keep reading it.

Any threats he makes on his life, report to the police. Let them deal with it. Don't respond.

What’s done is done op. Don’t dwell on it now. Concentrate on moving forward with your boys, keeping that toxic man out of your life, and gaining some confidence in yourself. The worst thing you can do now is keep him around, in any capacity- or jump into a new relationship with someone else. Try and build up a friendship network, maybe have a look at something like the Freedom Programme, it’s commonly recommended on here. Good luck, and well done getting rid!! x

He's like a fish in a net, twisting and turning in an effort to get what he wants. He's missing your money and home, so of course he's doing what he thinks will get him back into his cushy little number.

You are doing so well! I see a strong person who is working through each problem and taking measures to stop this situation - changing the locks, ring doorbell and so on.

This nest of vipers has got your back and will be here for you to talk to, whether it's for advice, a listening ear or just for you to talk nonsense to.

He's trying hard to guilt you back, isn't he? Hopefully it's just reassuring you that you've made the right decision.

For context, after 8 months, my now husband and I were still dating, it very much felt like early days and if he'd shown any signs of not being amazing company, let alone trouble in some way, I would have ended it. Your ex is saying all this stuff about broken heart (pure manipulation, don't believe a word of it), which is way too serious after 8 months even if it was true. He's just showing how far from a good man he is, with everything he types.

Stay strong, you are doing the right thing. Skim read his messages at most, once a day, so that he's not filling your head, because that's what he's desperate to do. He knows once you stop thinking about him it's really over. That might be a while yet because you've got some stuff to process, but you'll get there!

He realises that he is losing his power and control over you and he’s lashing out. Which means you are definitely doing the right thing in leaving him. As I said, keep going! Remember that right now he is showing you who he really is - an abusive, pathetic, arsehole. Hold that thought and hold your nerve. You’ve got this!

You are doing so well. Well done for realising he is trying to manipulate you and well done for ignoring him. Well done for reaching out for help. Keep going! We are all rooting for you!