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AIBU?

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Original poster

To push through new screen time limits

30 replies

Thewifefury · 22/01/2024 11:04

My nearly 11 year old has high anxiety and uses screen time to hyperstimulate to avoid intrusive thoughts especially around bedtime, related to death. (His sister passed away aged 11 RTA- 7 years ago). It has got worse as he gets closer to her age. He is in therapy but he is very resistant to any changes to his schedule. (Currently screens off 11pm - no gaming after 9pm) but last night he was still awake at 1.30am and we have had a really bad weekend of him panicking all night and refusing sleep. We are all exhausted. We have tried to reduce his screen time before and it results in all of us being awake til 3/4am for nights on end as he rages, panics and has anxiety attacks. AIBU to force through this change despite the fall out for all of us (he is currently school refusing and screaming at me because I've said things need to change) and what times are your 11 years olds off screens/going to bed/falling asleep generally?

OP posts:
Viewfrommyhouse · 22/01/2024 11:20

mn29 · 22/01/2024 11:13

11pm for an 11 year old?! Mine are now teens and are in bed earlier than 11 most nights. When they were 11 they were in bed by 8.30 or earlier!

I really sympathise with your loss and your child’s anxiety but yes I think you need to hold fast with the boundaries and screen time limits. Involve him in the conversation, so he feels like you’re working together as a team to solve the problem. Explain how the current situation is damaging all of you and ask him what his ideas are for making changes. Start pushing back maybe half an hour earlier every other night or once/twice a week. Agree some other distraction that’s not stimulating like gaming/tv - maybe a board game or book/audiobook together.

Yes, do tell an already traumatised 11yo that he's ruining everyone else's life too, that'll work. Tell me, where did you get your child psych qualifications from? 🙄

Speak to the therapist OP, this sounds so awful for all of you 💐

ShoePalaver · 22/01/2024 11:20

I think 9pm is a normal bedtime for an 11 year old. I would have no screens in the bedroom, no phone or gaming after 7, but would allow TV in the living room later.

This sounds really hard but your child needs you to set a boundary, I would sit down with them when they are calm and try to agree a way forward. Reading, audio books, board games, jigsaw puzzles, colouring, go out for an evening walk?

Sirzy · 22/01/2024 11:15

I think this is something you need to discuss with his therapist. I don’t think just taking away his source of comfort is the best idea you need a sustainable way to make changes.

Sahara123 · 22/01/2024 11:13

I have nothing useful to say but I’m so sorry that both you and he are going through this x

mn29 · 22/01/2024 11:13

11pm for an 11 year old?! Mine are now teens and are in bed earlier than 11 most nights. When they were 11 they were in bed by 8.30 or earlier!

I really sympathise with your loss and your child’s anxiety but yes I think you need to hold fast with the boundaries and screen time limits. Involve him in the conversation, so he feels like you’re working together as a team to solve the problem. Explain how the current situation is damaging all of you and ask him what his ideas are for making changes. Start pushing back maybe half an hour earlier every other night or once/twice a week. Agree some other distraction that’s not stimulating like gaming/tv - maybe a board game or book/audiobook together.