NC so not outing
Been with DP 3 years. Sex was never great, he says due to confidence and inexperience and being lazy. Basically for the first year or so he didn't touch me, he just put it in and finished. He "tried" to make effort for me the last couple of years but it was still really lacking.
We split up in August. In October I had sex with someone else. We never really stopped talking but at the time I slept with someone, we hadn't spoken for a few weeks and it had become a bit nasty between us. We then started talking again. He asked if I'd been with anyone and I told him the truth.
He told me in December, he slept with 2 women and in January 1 woman,
He said he did it because he wanted to feel wanted, to distract himself from losing me and me sleeping with someone else. He was also drunk. He said he didn't like the women at all, there was no desire or attraction.
But here's the kicker. He said he liked one woman's boobs. He touched all 3 women, gave them foreplay and different positions - all of which I begged him for months to do with me.
I told him how much it hurt that he could give them what I wanted so easily, but I had to pretty much beg. He says he can't understand it himself.
I want to work it out but I can't forget the fact he liked someone else's boobs but didn't even see mine for 2 years... I had to beg. He touched them but wouldn't touch me.. he only did missionary or from behind with
Me, but gave them all sorts of positions.
He was single so it's not cheating. But why does it feel like it is? I feel like if he loved me he wouldn't have done it. Which is hypocritical because I did... but for me it was because that man made me feel wanted in a way DP never did. Not that that makes it ok.
Any advice?