Lost whole friendship group

Your just finding out what people are like, you'll come to terms with it.
Everything teaches us a lessons in life. Just keep moving forward.
Things can turn bad with people in an instant.

She was clearly a bit of a user, unfortunately and the others presumably gleefully told her what you had said and made it clear that you were 'bitching' about her. Be sad and move on. Find better friends.

I think the word friend is used too easily. You had a set of good associates. Only when you have been through it can you tell who your friends really are. You can have not had an issue for years and the one time you need someone they are not around.

Sorry this happened to you OP but the best thing you can do for yourself is move on. Reach out to individuals from the group if you value their friendship but do not gossip behind anyones back. Hard lesson learned.

We all approach friendships in different ways. Instead of contacting friends to complain about her not supporting you, why did you not just ask those friends for support? It comes across as all very uncomfortable for those caught between you both, so I'm not surprised they've stepped away. From her perspective, your behaviour may have been very hurtful. When you're looking at other friendships in future, don't expect any one person to meet all your needs, spread the load a bit and then it's easier for others to be there for you.

Sounds like they’ve been quite bitchy and told your friend what you’ve been saying (so I’d want away from the other friends anyways) girl code - you don’t talk shit together and then rat on the other person- sounds like you’ve been baited and then thrown to the dogs.

I guess in hindsight it would have been good for you to have an open-honest conversation with said best friend with how you were feeling, but sounds like one way or another you didn’t want to or feel comfortable to.

If after a few months off from that friendship group ask yourself did you value all of them/value your best friend- or was it a one-sided convenience thing? Like she leaned on you hard and it just so happened when you felt you needed her she was busy with this new partner? It can be hard but life moves in different waves and people can appear quite selfish. Time and space is good for healing and realising If you want to continue with your best friend, if you get to reach out you could explain and apologise for not approaching sooner - see how she reacts if she values your friendship she’ll understand

She drained me with her issues over the years

In a few weeks or months once the hurt has subsided a little you'll be able to reflect on the friendship and might see that it has probably been quite one sided or a little dysfunctional for a long while.

About 8 years ago someone who I considered to be a good friend manipulated or strongly encouraged me to tell her things about someone else that I never should have told her (and I hold my hands up to that, I was out of order). She then used that against me to join forces with the other person not only in a personal sense but also in business competition - it's a long story, but it was a harsh lesson learned.

DH and I have fairly recently been introduced into an established friendship group and I'm quite happy to keep it light and remain on the outskirts. We are enjoying socialising when we are invited along but we expect nothing. I can already see some interesting dynamics playing out within the group and we have no desire to get really embroiled.

The days of having really intense close friends for me are over. If I have a few people I can have a coffee or go to the cinema with or couples that DH and I can meet at the pub for a drink or go for a walk and keep it casual that's great, that's all I want.

@Xenia13
The rest of the friends where prop jealous of the friendship you had and had to find a reason to break it up, or they could of been bad mouthing you and that's why she has been dry, either way I would not bother again, just tell them you are an adult and haven't got time for their childish behaviour.

OP, you've learned a hard lesson.
Despite appearances to the contrary, many people prefer surface-level friendships with no demands.
For the big stuff, dig deep into yourself, learn resilience, talk to a third party with no knowledge of the runners and riders (a doctor, a priest, a counsellor...).

In my experience, if you get to the point in a friendship where you have to sit down and chat to someone about them not being there for you anymore, the friendship is already moving away from what it was. Having the conversation won't change that, and even if it guilts the other person into making more effort for a while, long term they will go back to what they were doing before. The best thing to do when a friendship starts to fade, is to let it go. In time, you may regain the closeness again. Accept that friendships wax and wane. By challenging your friend, she may have felt cornered and hassled, made worse by you talking to mutual friends about it.

This really upset me and I did express this to the other friends in the group. They live beside her so they would call me telling me stuff about the partner and her, asking me if I’d heard from her etc and this opened up the conversation.

This is where it went wrong.

You’re well rid.

When people show you who the are believe them, I've been through similar and it's very hurtful but in the long run I'm happier without fake one sided friendships.
The only thing you did wrong was indulge in the gossip, lesson learnt.. move on and find better friends.

It is hurtful OP but kindly, what you did to her was also hurtful.

Rather than meet and talk through her lack of expected support, you spoke about her negatively to the friendship group. That rarely, if ever, turns out well. It seems like you were hoping that you telling the group about her lack of support would get back to her and she would change. That didn't happen. She spoke to the group and they decided that your behaviour was not acceptable so have met up without you.

It is a hard lesson to learn but passive aggressiveness is not the way to go, you need to talk openly and honestly with close friends when there is an issue. The leaving the group chat expecting to be contacted about why you had left is another example of that type of behaviour. You were not 'making a stand', you were being passive aggressive rather than saying 'look, I'm hurting and really need your support'.

My advice is to learn the lesson and move on. It will be very hard but you can do it. Good luck

So true.

OP, I had a friend who I supported massively over many years. When I needed support, didn’t see her for dust.

The damage is done now. Forget them all and move on.

Don't talk behind people's backs. Ever. It can all horribly backfire on you as you've just found out.

OP this also happened to. A friendship that had lasted 25 years! It hurt at the time. I moved cities and blocked her. 5 years down the line my life has both changed and improved. Iam so much better and happier. I have my life in order and that hurts her.
I hear from mutual friends occasionally that she is deeply unhappy and struck in a rut!!
Not my problem anymore, I gave her what she wanted.
I still think of her occasionally but looking back she was no friend at all to me.
She just was needy and self absorbed as ultimately it was all about Her.
You can and will get over this and then live your best life.
Sending you 💓

No it's not easy. It's hurtful and humiliating. I feel for you.

Move on and find other friends

Things happen for a reason. This was meant to be because new friends and opportunities are coming your way.

Don't look back, don't dwell keep moving forward.

Social groups, they're a fucking nightmare for the most part. Good friends do not come in a handy multi-pack no matter how much we wish it. There will always be someone or other(s) who you wouldn't choose to spend your free time with if you were honest, while you will be that person to someone else.
I don't think you can ever reliably trust the group as whole.

My experience is that groups don't side with who they like but who offers the most in terms of ease and social status. Sorry.

I think you did the right thing in leaving the group, you're protecting yourself.
I would leave them to it now, have nothing more to do with them.
I bet one of them will contact you soon, just so they can report back to the others and add to the drama for them.
Don't reply if they do, just move on with your life and concentrate on other friends or building other friendships.
These people are not your friends

I do wonder if you took it more personally than it was. People by nature are self-absorbed. She was all caught up in her new guy, while you understandably were focusing on your own situation. I dont think it was necessary to take a stand because I dont think she was intentionally blanking you. The same way the others probably didn't think they were leaving you out but rather were just out with nearby friends. Or if this was after you made it clear you had an issue with ex-friend then it probably wasn't appropriate to invite you to that particular night out. But that doesn't mean they had stopped being your friend. They're all just a bit shit at it.