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AIBU?

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Original poster

DNA test

112 replies

Sunshin80 · 21/01/2024 09:26

Hi all, AIBU to feel upset about this...

Me and partner been together for over 10 years now. 2 children together one is 11 and one is 3. He is asking for a DNA test for the younger one as he has trust issues with anyone he's been with. The main reason that doesn't help with this is the fact the younger one has blonde hair and blue eyes and the older one brown hair brown eyes. Also worth adding he has another child with his ex who also has brown hair and brown eyes. I feel like just because our youngest has broken the mold and come out with more traits on my side he's now questioning it and it's eating him up a little inside. None of us have blue eyes we have brown and green and he has dark hair and I am quite fair. My aunt and uncle both have blue eyes and blonde hair so it's in my side. He also went to see family members and they said to him "who does he look like because he doesn't look like any of us" ( I was fuming at this as I felt it a really uncalled for comment ) my main reason for posting is I just feel really down about the whole thing and it makes me sad for the younger one aswel. He doesn't treat him any different at all and I'm also not bothered about the results as I know full well what they would say 100% no doubt about it. I also have never given him any reason to doubt me i might also add. Just feeling a mixture of emotions really

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 21/01/2024 10:50

There was a really similar thread last week. Bewildered, passive op a bit put out because her in laws had questioned paternity of her child, and DH didn't shut it down. That thread got lots of engagement.

Justanything86 · 21/01/2024 10:45

I would say that HE is welcome to do one if HE chooses. You cannot stop him from doing so. You do not need to facilitate this madness.
I would also mention that he has effectively called you a liar and a cheat and you will be expecting that he comes with you to see a couples therapist when you are proven right and that he has some serious grovelling to do.

RiderofRohan · 21/01/2024 10:44

He needs therapy for his issues, not a DNA test.

Anyway, what's it to do with you? Can't he just take to child and get one himself. Why does he need you to facilitate this?

Express0 · 21/01/2024 10:39

I would send him some links on how genetics work.
Im blonde with blue eyes. My parents and my sister are brown with brown eyes.

ChangeAgain2 · 21/01/2024 10:33

I'd get the DNA rest done to put his mind at rest. Id then insist in counselling if he wants to continue the relationship so you can work through the hurt and anger of being accused of cheating.

Zanatdy · 21/01/2024 10:31

So ridiculous. Many siblings look different. Mine are white / Asian (Indian) and our son could pass as being 100% Asian with dark hair and eyes and his skin is same colour as his dad. DD has blue eyes and very pale skin and could pass as being 100% white. He’s never questioned her parentage. I’d have been fuming if he did

Original poster
Sunshin80 · 21/01/2024 10:28

It does basically mean he thinks I've cheated. I do think his family have been gossiping and then that's fueled his insecurity even further. I do feel really offended and it makes me feel like I don't like him in a way. I just think if I don't get it he'll think I'm hiding something but if I do then I'm the one carrying round this little bit of hate towards him that I can't shake off. Things a good between us that the thing to

OP posts:
GreyhpundGirl · 21/01/2024 09:56

So you agree to the DNA test? Do you really think that will be the end if it? If he doesn't trust you to this degree, something else will always pop up.

Mothership4two · 21/01/2024 09:46

I would have been beyond offended if DH had said this to me and would seriously have reconsidered our relationship. It sounds from your post OP that there may have been a bit of gossiping within his family which is pretty sad. Has DP had any help for his issues?

BTW DH, DS2 and I have dark brown hair and hazel eyed, but DS1 is very blond and blue eyed.

Beezknees · 21/01/2024 09:44

This is a major issue. He's basically accusing you of cheating. He needs to get some kind of counselling about this insecurity.

My DS has brown eyes and neither me or my ex (his dad) do.

KT8282 · 21/01/2024 09:40

My 2yo has scandi blonde hair. My newborn has red hair. Husband and I both brown haired. The kids are obviously ours based on facial appearance. Husband and I were both blonde as kids-hair colour changes with time!

ZombieGirl86 · 21/01/2024 09:33

Id be angry, offended and dissapointed. If you do it he will get the reassurance but asking you has damaged your relationship permanently. Sounds like he is insecure, which isnt a one off issue.

I think you need to sit down with him and explain why this is so hurtful. X