To be P***** as this

I was about 37, met someone else when I was 39 (didn't go looking) and am so much happier. I was happier as soon as we separated actually. Being a single mum of little ones is hard but I realised how much he was dragging me down and I've never had a single wobble

who would want him? Thats his fault he’s a lazy nasty useless turd who deliberately chooses his actions to impact on your work and to stop you going out, and to make you feel like shit. Nothing he does is for your or his own childrens benefits. Open a spreadsheet. Estimate his time at home for the last few months.
list what happens when you have plans.
document that he doesn’t collect your daughter on time, note you have 6 text messages saying he will be late for the 7 times you’ve asked him to collect her in the last few months. Get your mum to do similar and send to you. Add it to the file.
look at that. And you progress the separation, take notes of how many times he works to see his children or do something for them. Then you speak to a lawyer and you say I acknowledge the act of separating might inspire him to step up and do much more parenting than he’s ever done in the past. So, as long as he’s not drunk or hungover and is able to keep them safe and feed them, I propose he start with taking them for one day on the weekend, Sunday. After a month of that he can have them stay Sunday night and take them to school on Monday. This is a huge step up for him so I really hope he’s prepared to do this.

everything he says is stepped on dog shit served up on a plate. Ditto everything his sister says. She says he doesn’t feel wanted- you say no woman would want your brother, you must really have no idea how useless and downright nasty he is to live with.

What he means is that he doesn't like it when you point out what an arsehole he is.

You may be an alcoholic. That's not a criticism- it's a widespread problem in this country.

But he is also an alcoholic. Binge drinking can be a form of alcohol dependence and he more than ticks that box from what you've said. Many people wouldn't be very interested in constantly socialising if they had to do it dry. I'm guessing he's one of them.

He's not addicted to socialising. He's addicted to getting shitfaced.

Ugh. What do you have to do to deserve it? You're already single handedly parenting his kids.

I honestly think this man is an alcoholic. The social scene is just a front. If he's 'socialising', he's drinking. I think that's the main issue here.

I would also hate to be somewhere I didnt feel wanted, However, it has come from somewhere, the lack support from him and his laziness has led me to this?

If that's the case the no, I certainly wouldn't want to live like that.

Going by his age I'm assuming you're not to far off so being with someone that treats you like that for years to come will just make you unhappy and resentful.

Clearly when you asked him what he wanted from you the list doesn't sound like he practice's what he preaches and you get nothing in return.

Do you think there's any truth in what he is saying?

I don't know you guys from the next person I don't know so it's difficult to say, but if there's any truth in it, and I'm not saying for one minute you should be at the door with his pipe, slippers and a cuppa settling him down while you're cooking a gourmet dinner, but if it is something that could be sorted, and sorted proper not just words he thinks you want to hear, is throwing your relationship away the correct thing to do.

If on the other hand he does this on a regular basis and you feel that you do show him affection and he chucks it back at you and it's just him making excuses then that's not right and he's never going to face it that's he's in the wrong....going on a bender is never the answer and will solve nothing.

Stop trying to work things out in your head, no matter how much thinking you do his behaviour isn't something that you questioning yourself can change.

You now need to concentrate on the things that you now need to sort out in the here and now.

Can I recommend that you start another thread, now that you've kicked him out, to get the best advice? And definitely get a solicitor.

The trouble with this thread is that quite a lot of people will just read your OP and not the updates, and will comment about that.

You need support and advice on separation and divorce.

Are you on the deeds of the house, OP?

And are you legally married/have a civil partnership?

My useless tosser of an ex said he wanted 50/50 but after the first weekend with them he soon changed his lazy tune.

After about nine months he had stopped seeing them altogether.

It's all talk. And he's saying it so that he doesn't have to pay you anything.

Do not fall for it. Get a solicitor. Pronto. I bet he's thought of this scenario already and has made his plans in advance. Seriously - get a solicitor.

No no no

Do not "come to an agreement" with this awful man.

Use the CMS and get what you're entitled to. If you don't he'll screw you over and you'll end up with very little.

I equally know very little about the legality but I'm sure him earning more than you won't give him whole rights to staying in the house over you being there.

If you both own it I don't think you can put your foot down and ask him to leave and not come back, but in the DC best interests it's not going to be good if you both live there and dont/can't get along.

@xTina89 I'm in Ireland and again not sure even here what the case is with family homes. But I read constantly in both Irish/ UK groups - stay in the family home. So I think that's the right decision. He will have to pay child maintenance. Again just going from what other women say, the man will usually ask for 50/50 but very rarely seems to actually do it.

Can you see him giving up his sports 3 nights and his weekend drinking sessions, very unlikely. It'd probably be more like 1 night a week he'll (or his mum) have them

Hopefully it does say pleasant even if just on the surface. I would get a solicitors advice. It will be money well spent

He said he wants the kids 50% of the time? He wont be able to manage that surely?

He may be saying that as an in the moment thing or he may genuinely want them 50/50.
If he wants to carry on with his recent behaviour thats not going to work to well.

Hopefully you can both stay amicable and decide between you what's best but if you are worried about it seek some legal advice.