Another Bridezilla one....

Another vote for stepping away from this but please lurk in the WhatsApp and feed back on the batshittery

Get rid of this silly girl from your life.
Her poor husband to be

I would try calling her (if she doesn't pick up so be it) and leave a voicemail rather than texting

This sounds like a dreadful case of main character syndrome.
I understand have a civil service and the religious one, but most people I know who have done that have the civil one as a very small event with just close relatives there.

All this ‘look at me’ carry on with three weddings and a massive hen do sounds so self centred.
I’d back out. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.

I think you've dodged a bullet, I would have pulled out at the idea of multiple weddings I had to fund. The others in the bridesmaid squad will be jealous of your courage!

She not a friend. I would bin her off.

I would send her an email fully explaining (as you have in your post) why it would be difficult to attend the hen do in addition to the three wedding celebrations. I'd also point out that this hasn't been done to upset her, but is just the reality of the situation. Explain that you thought you'd have heard back from her by now, hence the email. I'd also say at this stage that you will willingly stand down from being a bridesmaid if that's what she wants. All very reasonably worded.

If she hasn't responded to you within 2 weeks. Leave the WhatsApp group.

This way, you can look yourself in the mirror and say you've tried. I suspect she will ignore the email and let you leave the WhatsApp group but regret it very much in the long term when she looks back on it. That'll be her problem.

I think she’s done you a favour tbh. Now you can exit the WA group and save yourself lots of money.

I can just about understand a separate civil and religious ceremony, but she actually cannot get married a third time abroad. It’s farcical.

Sounds like she has lost her mind.

I’d also send a private message asking her for a chat, and if that was ignored I’d leave the bridesmaid group.

Please stay on the WhatsApp group as long as you can and give us a running commentary of the bridal events. In fact, turn it into a book! They all sound batshit. 3 weddings and 9 bridesmaids??
You're well rid. I'd be embarrassed posing in that line up.

And as someone with adhd (dx'd), I get the phone thing but I would pick up and discuss this as it's important. She's clearly off on a hyperfocus, batshit power trip. Definitely step away from the madness. Let the other 8 (!) people deal with her.

Don't be a mug. You aren't losing anything with this little princess so back out entirely and save all that money.

Yeah if you've been ignores a few times since November just step down. That's no friend.

No need to break off the friendship. And no need to do anything you don’t want to do. She’s gone a bit loopy for her wedding but just see it through and you’ll probably both care less about it all in a few months if you keep it low key.

First send her a message to make everything clear. “Hi, haven’t heard from you for a while - hope you’re not ignoring me! Just want to check we’re on the same page and you know I’m not going to the hen do. Looking forward to all the other wedding bits.”

If she ignores that, follow up a few days later with “Hi, I’m getting a bad feeling you’re ignoring me. If I’m right, I guess you’re probably upset with me for some reason. Does that mean you don’t want me to come to your wedding any more? If I don’t hear from you, I’ll assume you don’t want me there and I won’t attend. But do let me know if you want me to come because obviously I’d love to be there!”

And then leave the ball in her court and forget about it. If she doesn’t reach out, yes, you’ve lost a friend, for the time being at least, but there was really nothing you could do. If she reaches out, you can still be friends if you still want to. But try not to give it much head space or let it upset you. Just be straightforward and see what happens.

She's batshit crazy! Let her simmer.

Fuck that and fuck her, she’s batshit, leave the WhatsApp and walk away

Withdraw from all of it and spend the saved money on yourself!

Sit tight and be prepared to cut your losses and walk away. It is not as if she does not have other bridesmaids to help her celebrate. Bride is being ridiculous.

Also YANBU and don't contact her! This person is not a good friend, she just wants you as a prop in her photographs.

Exactly what I thought and since she considers them separate events I bet she wants bridesmaids to buy a different dress for each and a gift for each

I'd agree with just sitting tight, unless you are basically ok with losing the friendship (tbh it may be that it's over anyway). You've given her a clear reply about what you can and can't do. Just be clear when the time comes that you can't do the hen do.

I'm old but my partner has young friends via a hobby, and I'm gobsmacked at the pressure brides put on their bridesmaids. It's frankly ridiculous - the last discussion I was at, four friends were slating another for getting pregnant during a two-year engagement and dropping out of being a bridesmaid. Much talk of 'values' and treating this perfectly ordinary event as a betrayal. Kept my mouth shut but it hasn't made me want to get closer to any of them. You've made a perfectly reasonable decision - now the ball is in her court.

Three wedding celebrations is ridiculous. Two is enough for anyone (assuming long travel between bride and groom's family; this worked well for an English friend who was marrying a woman from China). Your friend's gone massively overboard and it sounds like she's got an "all or nothing" mentality that means she can't cope with you having reasonable boundaries like saying no to her out of control spending of other people's money.

Honestly I’d just ignore her right back and let her make the first move. But I’m a bit petty like that.

To be honest I would stay in the chat and not say anything just to observe as it all sounds batshit crazy ! She will have to contact you about dresses/ make up/ hair/ arrangements so I would wait it out, you can then decide whether to stand down as a bridesmaid (9???? Who has 9?) then report back all the craziness please 🙏🏻