AIBU to hate my ex
when I was 15/16 I met a man online he provided me an escape from an abusive home where I suffered sexual assault etc the reason I mention that is because I want to give insight to my state of mind anyway during our affair I knew he was married he told me he hadn’t slept with his wife in 16 years and that they are essentially good friends he had two kids the same age as me. A few sessions into our affair he told me he loved me that we were making love I said no didn’t think so but over time I considered maybe he did love me so we went on as a couple I got pregnant he wanted an abortion said it was wrong to bring a child into this I agreed and probably would have done anything he said because he was my world I had no family or friends it was just us. In the end he decided I should keep the baby as it would save our ‘relationship’ so I agreed 6 months in he changed his mind but I said I couldn’t have an abortion now because I felt it was too late at this stage I was very excited for the fairytale I thought I was getting we argued and he said he would have nothing to do with me and give me 3k a month for cost. I was very upset actually distraught I offered to adopt the baby he refused to agree said it was cruel to have a baby then give it up in the end we made up and he apologised so we had the baby. I got a huge dose of reality and adulthood at 19 suddenly with a baby I started to worry I put pressure on him to commit to being with us all the time and financially we argued all the time he even grabbed me by the throat and slammed me into the wall after I hid his passport and made him call his wife I was a mess I had this baby I didn’t want it wasn’t a fairytale I wanted to adopt her but he wouldn’t allow it I was really ill mentally and I told him I didn’t feel safe with the baby many number of times. I was also high functioning doing everything for her breastfeeding cleaning baby clubs meeting all the red book stuff etc anyway 18 months in he told his wife the truth text me on the day I was expecting him over that he wasn’t coming that he’d told his wife and needed to deal with things I behaved badly I lost it I needed him to come and help I was relying on that break help never came and many years later we have a financial agreement and a chain of some inappropriate emails here and there. So aibu to think he groomed me as a teenager ?