Is this a red flag?

Perfect !

Good news OP

Thats great news. Good luck with your new job!

I have read your comments OP.
The only thing that matters is if it is a red flag to y
you.

I can see you aren't the naive little soul some posters think you are Op, but there are a few things that need looking at, not necessarily red flags but things that need addressing. I'm uneasy about your DP not wanting you to take your dream job, mainly it seems because it will impact him, if it's OK for him to do markings in the evening then why shouldn't you work then? Frankly, until or unless you marry, a lot of his baggage is not your problem to deal with, it's far to easy to pick up the slack for him and for that to become an entitlement rather than you doing him a favour.
I understand why you've got involved with his DM's care, once you've seen someone have dementia you spot the signs so quickly, and as you say, it all goes down hill really fast and you want to intervene but, and it's a serious issue, you are not family, you need to pass this problem back where it belongs, with her sons.

Take the job. Yes a red flag for domestic abuse. (Not saying it necessarily is abuse but the way your DP is behaving making it all about him is typical narcissistic abuse)

I would take the job!

also to add that there are quite a few US companies and their European branches offering unlimited annual leave now. It doesn’t mean that you can take 4 months holiday (for example) but it does mean that you are not fixed to the normal strict limit under law. It also depends on your work pressures.

it started with tech companies but not other types are offering it too.

OP, I really hope you read these comments and realise that you are in a vulnerable position. Reading your original message and updates, it's clear that there are not just one but many red flags here.

I think you should absolutely take the job. It sounds like a great opportunity for you.

Don't be fooled. There is a thin line between wanting to do something for someone and feeling obligated to do something for someone. Often women don't realise they have been set up until it's too late. Don't be the woman who becomes trapped in an abusive relationship and financially dependent on your abuser. Be the woman who follows her dreams.

First message:

Moved 2.5 hours from everything I knew to relocate with him and support his aging parents.
I resigned with the intention of taking on more of the house clearing and supporting his mum in her new home to try and keep her independent as long as possible. DP said he would support me, we would manage financially.
I currently have no security and actually, I don't want to be totally reliant on anyone again after my divorce
it shouldn't have to be me that gives up everything to fit around DP's job and family commitments?

most recent message:

I was signed off sick for 4 weeks and decided enough was enough.
DP supported my taking a short career break whilst I figured out where to go from here.
I haven't given up work to care for his mum. I'm popping in to make sure she's ok and to drop off shopping. When things progress carers will be paid for out of her own money.
I'm not giving up everything to be an unpaid carer. That's never been the plan.

You can see that there is a huge difference here.

In your first account you say one of the reasons for the move was to support his aging parents, your aim being to support his mum and keep her independent 'as long as possible'. Now you say you just 'pop in to make sure she is ok' and there was always a plan to have paid carers.

Your resignation has become a short career break, with the implication (in the second message) that you always planned to return to work.

If your second message is the case, then the only problem with the new job is that it has...come along sooner than expected, and requires some evening work (as does your DP's job, it seems)? If that is the case, then why is you DP objecting at all?

I think even if you didn't intend to become a permenant carer for his mum and all-round housewife and emotional support animal for your DP, it seems like that is exactly what he intends.

@DowntonTrout you sound an amazing partner. Marry me and take the job. I'm sure my DH won't mind!

Take. The. Job.
You obviously want to.
You will come to regret it if you don't.

Of course he doesn't want you to take the job, he'll lose his live in servant and free carer for his mum.

Take the job, if he's anything but supportive after everything you've given up for him he's a twat

Just wanted to add OP- this job sounds a little too good to be true- I've never heard of a US company doing unlimited paid holiday!! Are you sure this isn't MLM or something similar?? And what they mean is you will be getting paid 'even' if you aren't working (provided there are sales happening still of course) -something about it doesn't sound right- is it something you applied for? Or something whereby someone is offering you 'an opportunity' ?? Because I get offers like this all the time . Don't want to be a negative Nelly, just wondered if it might be the case.

”We had no time together and It was miserable so I resigned with the intention of taking on more of the house clearing and supporting his mum in her new home to”

”DP supported my taking a short career break whilst I figured out where to go from here. It was my suggestion that I get on with clearing the house to speed that process up.
I haven't given up work to care for his mum”

Those two statements are really very different. So either it was your intention to be his dogsbody, or you’re just helping out on a break.

WTF am I reading? “so I resigned with the intention of taking on more of the house clearing and supporting his mum”

You have up your job to clean up his parents shit, and look after his mum?
The first red flag here are your choices!

But yeah - take the job.

You know he could have just paid a house clearance firm, not expected the little woman to do womanly clearing up stuff?

well if your job will pay more, surely DP can stop work and look after his mother?

Don’t be putting all your eggs in Mr Selfish’s basket.

Take the job and Do NOT marry this man.

So you've relocated and sorted all his parents issues out !!!

Oh I misunderstood. I thought you'd agreed this career break to care for her.

But he should have no expectation of you being off permanently. So why the surprise and sulking?

I don't think you even owe him the conversation. He's not your husband. You've only been together three years (not insignificant but hardly a lifetime). I presume you don't have children or at least not with him.

Has he gone into detail about his concerns? When you've chatted about it, does he come across as unnecessarily obtuse and uncaring?

It sounds like the career break was a mutual decision. How long did he expect you to not work for?

Is it the wfh aspect that's a concern? Or working in general?

Massive red flag 🚩
Grab the opportunity or you'll regret it x