The Big C

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP.
Do your friends have a history of being awful?

I promise you when they have completed all the tests and you get a proper treatment plan in place you will feel better.
The uncertainty is the worst part by far.
The treatment isn’t a joy but unlikely to be half as bad as you imagine and has amazingly good results.
as for your friends some can cope some can’t it’s almost as if they think they can catch it.
Treasure the ones that listen and support and for the others when they ask how you are you answer “ I’m fine” that’s all they can cope with.
I wish you all the best in a few months you will be back here telling others not to panic it’s not so bad.

2001 my sil was given 6 months to live as her tumour was attached to her jugular. Chemo and radiotherapy were the only treatment she could have as no surgeon would operate.
She is now cancer free 66 and 4 grandchildren.

2020 I was diagnosed from a mammogram during lock down.
Mine also went into my lymph nodes. 2 operations and only radiotherapy I'm also cancer free.

Be positive do not google and you hopefully beat this.

DH had bowel cancer, diagnosed pretty late, and is now cancer free. One of my loveliest friends had breast cancer at the same time and is also now fine, just minus a little bit of boob (not visible). Cancer is shit but there are some phenomenal medical advances going on all the time now.

You'll find out who your real friends are (not fish woman, what the hell). If there's a Maggie's near you it can be an excellent place for you or your DH or your daughter to go and talk to someone sensible and empathetic, you can just drop in or you can make an appointment. They kept both of us sane through some really scary times.

If you want to Google things stick to the NHS, Macmillan and Cancer Research websites, and stop when it gets too much. It is ok to bury your head in the sand sometimes as long as you keep doing what the professionals are telling you.

Without thinking hard immediately comes to mind 5 of my mum's friends circle who have had breast cancer if varying degrees, only one had to have them removed but that was years ago and there all clear now

I'm not going to say it's all sunshine and lollipops, but I'll say that it is amazing what the human psyche can cope with as its new normal. You will surprise yourself.

I was in your position exactly 6 years ago (next week) had found a lump, thought it was actually injury related. Got it checked out and found out I had cancer in both breasts and a few weeks later found that it had spread to the bones. I’m still living the nightmare as my treatment is ongoing for life. It spread to the liver a year ago (no symptoms just found out via a routine scan) and I am currently waiting on test results as I found another lump at new year. Have never cried as much as I have in the past two weeks. Feel free to message me. I’d be more that happy to chat. I would also suggest the fb groups as a good source of support

despite my diagnosis, I have worked full time throughout and still able to do most of what I want to do (I was originally diagnosed at 42)

A relative of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer in her early 40s. She's still here 35 years later. The cancer came back a second time in the other breast about 10 years ago and she overcame that too.
Modern medicine is amazing. The treatments are so much better these days.

Take in a notebook to jot down notes on what they say and also to write down any questions before you go in to any meetings.
Would it help you to take DH with you or would you prefer to go to consultations etc alone? Sometimes a second person can be helpful and sometimes not, depending on their personality!

I am sorry your friends were not more supportive but unfortunately I think a lot of people are very awkward about this kind of thing and basically don't know what to say. The "fish in the oven" friend was very rude though. She could have found a better way of dealing with it than that!

I had a recent health issue (not cancer) for which I needed a minor operation and while it wasn't a massive deal it was having a very big impact on my life (ok, might as well say what it was - rapidly developing cataracts in both eyes). Apart from 2 people, no one was in the least bit interested in my health, the difficulties I was having (such as no longer being able to drive) and some people made it all about them and were angry with me for having to cancel a few things in the three weeks running up to the operation because I couldn't bloody see!!!!!
I do think that people have become much less caring and concerned and that if it's not directly affecting them (ie. it's not a nuclear family member), they aren't that bothered. Also, a bit of an attitude of well, cataracts can be whipped out in minutes these days, or in the case of breast cancer, well, you have an op and a bit of chemo and then you're fine which of course takes no account of the emotional strain as well as the anxiety and all the hospital visits etc.

I wish you all the best OP and hope that you do find a couple of people who can support you and re-read all the positive stories on here!

Hiya,

I too am so sorry you're going through this and that your friends arent being supportive at all.

I have TNBC. was diagnosed August 2022. I've had various treatments and mastectomy, the chemo I'm currently having has reduced everything wich is amazing.

Obviously I have a few days a week feeling quite fatigue from the treatment, but I'm able to do all the things I want to, and carry on as normal, I do all the exercise I want too etc - although I have to listen to my body and rest when I need too.

I know it all seems very overwhelming at the moment, information flying at you from all directions, all that does settle down. Make sure you ask all the questions you want to, I always write them down and take them with me. Also your specialist oncology nurse can answer any questions for you, Where I am, I can ring up, leave a message and at some point they ring back during the day. Also, Macmillian can offer loads of advice on everything, so do ring them too.

If you are in the UK and on Facebook search for the UK breast cancer support group for sufferers and survivors - an amazing group with support from people going through the same.

I was diagnosed last Jan after first mammogram and have had 3 operations and now on tamoxifen now it’s all gone but in again today to have a faulty implant switched over.

its a hard road but one day at a time and the waiting is the worst

I'm sorry your friends have been so rubbish, OP. That's a blow you don't need at a time like this. You will find support in other places, like here on MN. Best of luck with your treatment.

Not breast cancer, but we’ve just spent the last year helping my disabled daughter through cancer, it is the most difficult thing to deal with , I can sympathise. It takes over your whole life and thoughts doesn’t it, it’s terrifying.
I would heartily like to recommend Maggie’s cancer care . Look at their website, if there’s one near you you can just drop in. Don’t worry if you don’t know what to say, they are so experienced, kind warm and friendly. Anything you say to them they have probably heard before, they are so supportive. If there isn’t one near you can phone, I have done that literally sitting in my car crying. Truly wonderful organisation, it helps so much to have someone to offload onto.
They can also help with practical advice, benefits etc.
Please contact them . I couldn’t have coped without them . They also support any family members etc who may be struggling.
Take care x

I do hope from your username that you've a lovely cat called Henry with you.

I do think when something happens to you, you find out who your friends are. Whatever it is, some people just can't come forward to offer support. To be honest the fish can burn in the oven if someone phones with upsetting news.

You will get through this. I'm so sorry that you have this diagnosis but as others have said here medicine is moving ahead all the time. Sending you all my love from afar OP.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. It's in my lymph nodes too. I've done months of chemo which was pretty gruelling towards the end and I will have surgery soon. The scans I had after chemo finished show the tumour has completely disappeared and the lymph node shows no cancer either. Surgery is basically precautionary now, and to remove the little metal markers they put in to keep track on imaging.

My five year survival likelihood is above 90% because of the treatment I've had.

I'm more likely to be hit by a bus!

I know it's scary but having the diagnosis is really important. It's the first step in the road to recovery. I know you can do this because I know how scared I was at the beginning and how far I've come. Have a look online for support groups, I'm in a Facebook group for the specific sort of breast cancer I've got. They are really helpful.

Best wishes, and hope you get the real-life support you deserve X

Best of luck OP x

Hi,
I got diagnosed with breast cancer last February, mine had also moved to the nodes. Less than a year later I am working full time and going to the gym 3x week, last night I went to circuits class and did burpees! I'm 50.
I've been though surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy (not everyone needs them all).
My Mum was diagnosed with BC in 2001 and she is still around and a happy 79 year old.
Someone at work, who's wife was going through the same said to me at the start "the ones you expect to be there may not be, and some of the ones who step up will surprise you".
I had a warm response from those I chose to tell personally - but - after the surgery and the first chemo going well many people seem to forget and get on with their own lives. Sometimes I'd like a bit more care, but I understand people are busy and they just "forget" it's not over for the patient.
Ask me anything.

@Henrysmycat one of my best friends was diagnosed stg 3 aggressive at 36. She had a mastectomy of the affected breast, chemo/radio and then she insisted they remove her other breast and uterus, which they did after much arguing. She said the chemo/radio was not pleasant and the enforced menopause was almost as bad but she's 5 years out the other side now and living life to the full.

At the time her boys were 11 and 13.

You will not always feel like you do, but you've got the strength to get through this 💐

One day at a time!

Join the cancer support thread in General Health OP.

I had stage 1 breast cancer 5 years ago. I found the worst bit was waiting for treatment to start.

It’s scary but you’ll get through it.

Also, tell your employer as soon as you can. Cancer is a protected characteristic under the Disability Discrimination Act.

There's a MN Board for cancer, lots of threads, you will also get lots of support and practical advice about what to expect there.

My nans friend had BC diagnosed aged 30 and was given a very short prognosis (keep reading it’s a positive outcome.) So she upped sticks and moved to Scotland to live out her last days. Anyway she had to come home again eventually because she lived until she was 92!!! 🩷🩷

I’m so sorry you’ve received this diagnosis.

As PPs have said, the treatments are enormously improved in recent years, and getting better every day!

For a positive story, I have a friend who was diagnosed at 42 with an aggressive BC. She’ll be 84 in May, so twice as old! And treatments 42 years ago were nowhere near as good as nowadays.

Sending hugs OP. Your friends should have been much more empathetic and supportive. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer for the first time in my GCSE year. She has had it twice and I’m happy to report 10 years later is hail and healthy.

I remember that she was also very hurt by the lack of care, she received from some “friends and family”. But for every person who was shit, there was a person who was truly amazing. It’s hard and it will take a lot out of you, you will need practical support and positive company sometimes, don’t be afraid to ask for it from the people who show you, they care. Sometimes people will really want to help, they just won’t know what you need.

Something no one ever talks about is how peoples mood and reactions can change because of hormone changes and how treatment makes you feel. Just be aware of that and talk openly about it as a family. Personally, as a teen this impacted me most. The second time round was so much better because we made sure she prioritised her MH, and we all prioritised keeping her spirits up.

I know so many people who have beaten this OP. Wishing you all the best x

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and your friends are being this way. I have not been through this myself yet though I likely will one day (it runs in my family) so I don’t have any direct experience to share. However my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer just before I was born. I’m now 25 and she’s as healthy as can be expected for a woman in her late eighties. My mum’s friend had it a while back and is fine now. My MIL also had it a few years ago and beat it quickly with no issues since. I don’t actually know anyone who’s had breast cancer and hasn’t had a positive outcome, apart from relatives who passed years before I was born, and treatment has progressed so much since then. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help but I wish you the best.