Wedding comparisons getting me down

I thought exactly the same. My eyes would roll out of my head at that order of service.

They were a bit upset at first that we wanted those moments without an audience though so maybe it’s linked

Think you nailed it here OP. That’ll be why.

Your husband’s family sound ridiculous, and fake. They’re actors, they were putting on a performance. What you and your DH have is genuine and real and lovely. And will last.

Frankly if my husband had broken down sobbing I’d have vomited on the spot!

Yes, it all sounds a bit ridiculous. Nice if certain things happen naturally but very staged to plan it like that.

Given that everyone sounds insane, I think I would just quietly and understatedly reply with something outrageous.

"Yes, I think next time I get married I'm going to go with a scuba diving theme."

"Mmm, yes I'm going to book a lot of professional mourners for his funeral so we can make sure there's enough crying."

"Yes, a wedding is just one day though. DH cries every time we have sex."

My husband is a Scotsman and not a chance in hell he would cry in public. 30 years happily married so no worries about the depth of his commitment and love.

Honestly, they did them, you did you. Don't let comparisons make you feel bad about your special day - who gives a shiny one what anyone else thinks? You know how you feel about each other.

And in the end, time alone is the measure of true love.

Both couples had the weddings they wanted.
End of. That is all you have to say Op

I'm surprised anyone remembers. Most people don't store up huge detailed memories of any weddings but their own. I'd be flattered they remember and think about yours in so much depth.

Say ..
Well if that's the type of wedding you want then I hope you two will have one just the same. (genuine smile)
Our wedding was perfect for us; we liked the privacy of our first greeting etc. We had the wedding of our dreams.
I don't want to share anything more about it because it's the privacy that we cherish. Everyone likes different things and it's great that you know what you want.

There is a chance that they are not thinking about your wedding as much as you think but are just expressing the way they want theirs. Could you be over sensitive?

Is this a joke thread? You did things your way, albeit they sound slightly pretentious.
I work in this industry, I am at hundreds of weddings every year, the groom mostly cry out of accumulated wedding stress, family/bride demands and impending speech worries. Not because the bride has bowled them over, it’s usually relief it’s come to a head… or regret!

Smile sweetly, say “comparison is the thief of joy” do a smug shrug 🤷🏼‍♀️ and change the subject ….. your celebrations sound perfect 👌🏻

This! The post seems odd as you're being snide about their wedding, and creating a post where you know people will bash them online. Which is as dramatic and petty as you say they're being....if all they've done is pass a few thoughtless comments and you're genuinely happy with your wedding/marriage, why does it matter what they think?

You're different people who like different things. If your in-laws are being tactless, just tell them you were very happy with how you did things.

I'm eloping and it's never even occurred to me to compare myself to other weddings and if anyone did, I'm happy to explain that big dos are not for us. I'd be careful with the thinking that big showy weddings are in any way inferior or don't last as if that were true no traditional Indian/Greek/Middle Eastern/Italian etc wedding would last. Everyone is different and their weddings hopefully represent this.

Jeez if my husband cried when he saw me it would be totally out of character ! As it seems it is with your husband.
Afraid the comparisons will continue now you are going to have a baby. It is inevitable that one baby walks before another or says a first word - people seem to take it as some indication of future ability! It's nonsense. But you'll need to grow a thick skin to deal with it.

Now King Frederik wept as Mary walked up the aisle.

Look forwards not backwards. You had a lovely wedding, but now you have other exciting things to come.

Once your baby is born no-one is going to be talking about a wedding that was 2 years ago. The marriage and your new family is what is important.

I was wondering about that. They might be annoyed you've made such a big thing about the standard public bits of a wedding being private to the extent of announcing when you're doing them. It's a bit having your cake and eating it.

You all sound very toxic to be honest.

his side of the family assume they just didn’t happen, and use that to state that my husband’s brother must love his wife more than my husband loves me.

Did they actually say that? They sound batshit tbh.

Agree with all PP who say don't let it stress you, any time they mention it say. "What a weird comment. We loved our wedding, including the bits that were just the two of us" and then change the subject.

I don't think I would be very classy, I think I would say something a bit spiteful like "DH did cry, you just didnt see it".

But, i say this very gently, you had the wedding you wanted which meant that they missed the emotional parts, so in their mind, they just didnt happen. You sort of kept the most special parts for yourselves (which is absolutely your choice) and usually people have weddings with guests to share those moments of joy.

Perhaps you can tactfully just keep turning the conversation with the same stock phrase so after a few times they pick up on it. Maybe something like "maybe but let's just focus on Xs wedding, it's their moment so let's not compare".

In the nicest possible way, I think both couples sound insanely melodramatic and stagey. Yes, they did the crying, dancing and speechifying in front of other people, but you appear to have done exactly the same thing, just without witnesses, but having put them into your order of service, which is quite weird to me. Did it actually say

BRIDE AND GROOM HAVE A PRIVATE VIEW
BRIDE AND GROOM RETREAT TO HONEYMOON SUITE TO EXCHANGE SPEECHES PRIVATELY
BRIDE AND GROOM DO A PRIVATE FIRST DANCE

while the guests got politely restive in another part of the venue?

Have never seen a groom sobbing!

been to countless weddings- sometimes people get a bit emotional. Most of the time, they don’t!

Your in laws don’t sound very nice. My experience:

Brother in law earnestly sobbed when my sister came down the aisle = developed a cocaine habit, financial instability and cheated on my sister for 5yrs. Divorced.

My husband didn’t shed a tear = happily married 10 years, took 6 months solo parental leave to bring up our twins.

Aside from that, if you’re a private person, you’re not going to cry in public. It has nothing to do with emotion.

Nothing they can say can change your wedding so really why on earth does it matter?

Their opinions really don't matter because they don't know about the meaningful private moments you had.

I think your wedding sounds perfect. It's about a union not putting on a show for others.

There's no need to put down their wedding just because it wasn't your way though. You don't seem to be doing that in your post but it's something to be mindful of, that you aren't rolling your eyes at their wedding.

Ahhh the joys of hormones! Aren't they fun.... but

Just say

'It was our day and we did it our way'

It sounds amazing to be honest Op. What special memories you both have.