Wedding comparisons getting me down

I think your wedding sounded perfect and very authentic, it perfectly suited the type of people ye are, quite and reserved

The next time they say something to you, just say that your wedding was exactly as you wanted it and I wouldn’t change a thing even if you did it again

You wanted those moments to be private and that was your perogative. However i do think it is strange to do so many aspects of a western wedding away from guests. What were your guests doing at that point? I wouldn't have loved a theatrical wedding either but it sounds like it suited them as yours did you. When people make daft comments you should shut them down. So our wedding was just perfect to us, we preferred to have more intimate moments, stop comparing the two and also did you mean to be so rude. Use these phrases and put them on repeat.

My dh's was grinning ear to ear when he saw me on our wedding day, he whispered in my ear and I was beaming. I've been asked numerous times what he said but that's between us. We were both emotional during the religious part of the ceremony but that was held separately, for me the enormity of it hit me. For him he said it was just a feeling of his life truly starting from that moment on. When we joined each other as man and wife it was a time of celebration. It would have been bloody awkward for me had he cried then, I'm socially awkward at the best of times.

100% agree!

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You had a wonderful wedding with private, intimate moments. You have what sounds like a wonderful, supportive, balanced, respectful and understanding marriage. You have something of substance which most people would give their right arm for.

They had a wonderful wedding with public, intimate moments, which I'd very much question were genuine or done OTT for show. They have what sounds a shallow, volatile marriage where they are argue publicly and privately, and focus too much on outward appearances.

If everyone, either friends or strangers, knew the truth of your and their circumstances..... Which one do you think the majority would pick? The wedding? Or the marriage?

People who make rude comments such as the sneery comments about the OP's wedding deserve only rude responses otherwise they carry on regardless!

Respond: Our wedding was perfect for us, we chose every aspect of it to suit us and that included the fact that everyone wasnt present for all our key moments.
Comparing weddings is rude and spiteful so please stop trying to rile or upset us by insinuating that our wedding was somehow inadequate to others; it wasn't, it was perfect.

Tbh I never seen a from cry. Sounds Abit ott. Everyone has their wedding of choice. Just ignore the comments. No one outside your inlaws family cares. They sound very strange.

The person with the actual problem here is the 26 year old sister (and her fiance), who now have the expectations set for their wedding at hallmark movie (with professional actors weeping at the altar).

The poor fiancé will be demonised by his in-laws if he doesn’t cry or perhaps faint because he’s so overcome by the beauty of his bride.

Other people are weird and rude. My husband and I saw each other before the ceremony (it's common in America - the 'first look') and I'd have been embarrassed if we cried in front of everyone anyway. We also didn't do a 'first dance' as my husband was scared - I couldn't have cared less. We had the perfect wedding FOR US and I bet you did too.

On the other hand, you could see the OP and her groom invited their public and then made it very clear that, while the ‘performance’ was happening, the audience didn’t get to see it because it was ‘private’.

They sound so rude! We had the most lowkey wedding, due to how anxious it would have made me we only had a very small group of people for the ceremony part and had no speeches at all. Everyone does it differently (well actually probably a fair chunk of them do it exactly the same and that’s fine too if it’s what the couple individually want) but it really shouldn’t matter to anyone else at all! They sound so rude and most likely unhappy themselves to feel the need to continually make nasty comments like this 😑 The advice I always give on here to react to rudeness is the best advice I heard. Just say ‘sorry?’ 🤔 really confused like you haven’t heard right, anytime anyone says something rude. They then need to repeat what they said and it attracts more people’s attention to how rude it was. You could say that for them to repeat themselves then give a short blunt response each time about how ‘we’ were happy with ours exactly as it was thanks

They put on a good show. They entertained their public. And like the best performances, the public believed it. They may be truly, madly, deeply in love, but the idea that two actors, with an audience focussed on just them, would be understated is hard to believe.

I'm glad you had your wedding first, as you weren't pressurised into re-enacting theirs.

My husband doesn’t cry I would have been bewildered if he cried on our wedding day, but he did look pretty happy and held my hand throughout the ceremony. Some people just aren’t performative, it’s fine either way. Ignore it all.

Who breaks down in tears at their wedding?! The groom sounds melodramatic and all for show.
The in-laws sound like toxic stirrers too, just keep reminding them that you loved your wedding and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

I’d follow Michelle Obama’s advice on this one and when they go low, go high so I’d avoid stoking the flames by saying “I’d hate that” (they’ll just think you’re jealous). I’d just listen and look slightly distracted/bored or stare into space if a comment is directed at your DH and if I have to say anything it’d be simply: “Our wedding day was perfect for us.” big sickly lovestruck smile at your DH 😂 If they keep bringing it up, I’d breezily say, “Yes, we’ve had this conversation a few times before.”

Definitely hormones. Congratulations btw. Honestly, I’d grey rock this tbh as the comparisons will continue thick and fast when grandchildren are born.

Your husbands family sound bonkers. Ignore.

I'd have been embarrassed if my husband burst into tears when he saw me walking down the aisle!

Also think private first looks are a bit OTT and first dances are often cringe but that is my opinion and has no bearing on others.

Response to 'bet you wish he cried when he saw you' - how do you know he didn't?

SIL and MIL - you are being very rude, I get that XXs wedding is more in line with how you would do it, but there is room in the world for a range of ways to do things, and I would appreciate it if you respected that.'

I didn't cry at my wedding, neither did my husband. We've been married 34 years. There's such an obsession with weddings these days, I think it's got out of hand! Your IL's opinions don't matter, let it go and concentrate on your own little family 😊 you'll soon be so busy with a new baby, you won't have time to worry about petty rubbish like this!

What a pack of weirdos making those comments. Sorry OP I know it's upsetting for you but I can't stop laughing. If anyone is ridiculous it's them!

Also my BIL did cry at their wedding as I brought my 8 week old daughter down the aisle with me as a flower girl.
I had to hand her over for a cuddle with her uncle prior to sitting down!

He didn't cry when my SIL walked down the aisle....he loves her very much!
But his little cute niece was the one that brought the tears 🤣🤣

Neither of my elder daughters' husbands cried when they saw them. I didn't realise that that happened- maybe a slight moistening of the eyes. The weddings were also completely different but they each had the wedding they wanted. Dd1 had to cancel her wedding a couple of weeks before it happened due to covid and when they did get married they had to whittle the guest list down to 30. Dd2 got married 6 months before covid and had over 100 guests. I wouldn't let it get to you, just enjoy your pregnancy and new baby .

You done your wedding the way you wanted.
So stick with that! I would just shut down conversations about it.
An example is: 'ahh no I would have hated that!' Or 'ahh we done it the right way for us'
I don't understand the crying at weddings..... we were so excited to get married it was just all smiles! (I did cry once and that was when we visited my grandad who has dementia right after the service)
Hate doing first dances so we stood up to dance and my sister and brother in law and my husbands sister and her husband danced with us and got everyone up.

Yes, you’re being daft, it doesn’t matter what others think or say, you loved how your wedding went down and that’s what’s important.

Just cut the commenters down with we had our moments in private, just how we wanted it.

I didn’t cry at my wedding, nor did my husband.
Still got a happy loving marriage, many years later.

I think your wedding sounds beautiful and absolutely perfect for you and your husband. I wish I’d been less traditional for my wedding. My DH and I are both quiet and introverted and we spent much of our wedding day feeling anxious about the next ‘public’ part of the day (we decided to have the speeches before the meal otherwise my DH wouldn’t have been able to eat anything!). Please try to ignore anyone who tries to suggest that your wedding was anything other than EXACTLY how you wanted it. Big showy over-the-top shows of emotion aren’t for everyone (and would make me want the ground to open up and swallow me 🤣)