17y/o dd dating 19y/o

Your son sounds awful. I'd be more worried him than your daughter - she sounds far more sensible and mature than him. He needs to keep his opinions on his sister's sex life to himself. He should not be appointing himself the gatekeeper to her vagina.

She's 17 and he's 18; they are not at different stages of life. They work together.

If things 'happen in the heat of the moment' they can use condoms. You can't force her to go on hormonal contraception. In fact, I would probably say it's better that they use a condom because then they'll also be protected against various STIs, which they won't with the Pill. If she's on the Pill I guarantee they won't use a condom.

Personally I think you and your wife are both being a little bit over-involved in this. By all means have a conversation about safe sex but you can't make her go on the Pill and I don't think your wife can tell a 17-year-old who feels ready to have sex at what point in her relationship that will be acceptable.

My Grandson is 18.. his GF just turned 17. Been together a year.. they live 400 miles apart but travel every college,/ Uni holiday via train to spend the holidays at each others houses.
It's fabulous to see them together.. they go shopping.. to the cinema.. for something to eat at mcdonalds etc.. go for walks.. go on the computer. Visit me. To festivals and to see bands.
( His Mum knows he buys condoms.. and had the talk about respect etc ). I think let them be together and find their own way in life.. either as friends or something more.. young love is exciting at their age and wonderful to see.. most of us have been there.
I met my husband when l was 16 and he was 17 and were together for 14 years .. .

My husband worry’s about teenage pregnancy and he always says no good telling them after it’s happened is there! Good luck! I joke to my daughter and say if you get pregnant don’t get attached coz we will be off to clinic 😂. ultimately it would always be her decision x

I recommend doubling up on contraception to my DD (18) as they’re so fertile at that age. I did, I was on the Pill and used condoms.
Better to be as safe as possible!

The age gap isn’t an issue, of course.

You sound sensible! May be worth having a chat with her about 'morning after pill' only being effective before ovulation, and not effective at all after ovulation.

Two years is nothing, my DD 18, has a bf just turned 21, very committee and good to each other

I think your son is dramatic and quite ridiculous in his logic. I was 17 when I began dating my (now husband) who was 18 at the time but then turned 19 six months after. I went to uni at 18 (summer born) so was literally just 18 and he started the year after, there was a cross over where I was at uni (although younger than him) and he was finishing a final exam at sixth form. Didn’t make me some sort of automatic predator just because we were studying in two different places and there was 18 months between us. How odd to think otherwise.

They've met in a common organic location of work, obviously they enjoy each others company - it’s not like he was lurking outside schools in his spare time.

Furthermore your wife, her stepmother, is absolutely too involved in her relationship.

There's no issue with the age gap but I think you are wise to ask she sorts out her contraception before allowing overnight stays
And you are also right about the transitional period

So only 1 year age difference if she is 17 and he is 18. Very normal and really up to them.

My Daughter is 17 (18 in 4 weeks) and bf is 20. I think that boys who are a bit older are more mature than ones there own age, the ones she has dated that are the same age, are only instrested in 1 thing!

As parents we can only guide them, my daughter is on the pill and we are very open about sex, we have said if you think the condom has split, go to get the morning after pill to be safe (if you arent on the pill) although we don't want to encourage it, we do need to give her all the information thats out there to keep her safe. Sex is only 1 part of it, there is so much to worry about!

Good Luck, If she is a good kid she will make the right choices and we do have to make mistakes to learn my them.

OP can't really tell her where she's allowed to go or who she can sleepover with.

True. I guess at that age it becomes more requesting that they follow your guidance rather than laying down the law. I think someone upthread said they would have appreciated more parental boundaries at that age. Whereas I guess other kids would resist strongly. So partly depends on the kid perhaps!

It does sound like the OP has a good relationship with her DD and has supported her previously in sorting out appropriate contraception. So I'm sure they can work out something sensible between them. I am slightly dreading mine getting to this age :)

The DD could move out, however, the OP is still legally responsible for her until she is 18 so it's not that straightforward. And it's not that easy for a 16 or 17 year old to get their own place these days.

Also, below from the NSPCC website:
In England, a child is defined as anyone who has not yet reached their 18th birthday. Child protection guidance points out that even if a child has reached 16 years of age and is:

• living independently
• in further education
• a member of the armed forces
• in hospital; or
• in custody in the secure estate

OP is within their rights to not allow sleepovers at their own house. Their house their rules. However, at 17, the DD could move out and get her own place if she wanted. OP can't really tell her where she's allowed to go or who she can sleepover with.

I understand most parents would feel a certain was about this situation but ultimately it's not up to them.

@Joshnlibsmum I work in sexual health, and have spent years working with that age range.

first, the pill mightn't be the best contraceptive option- I'd always recommend to a younger female to consider a form of LARC (Long Acting Reversible Contraception) as there is less risk of user failure and therefore more reliable. LARC options include copper coil (hormone free), IUS (coil with hormones), implant (has hormones), the contraception injection, and even the patch or nuvaring (the last two not technically LARC but still better than the pill.

However, she really needs to think about STIs in addition to condoms. Until they are monogamous and have both been tested for STIs, she needs to use condoms regardless of whether she is on contraception. Condoms are the only thing that work as both contraception and STI prevention.

Otherwise I'd say back off. If she's having sex, the most important thing is she is safe, knows how and when to say no and set boundaries, and express what she wants and does not want to do. Those are conversations we need to be having with our young people!!

I'm slightly surprised at the responses here, though mine are younger so maybe I'm out of touch. I kind of think when they are 16-17 they are sort of adults but sort of not, and still need a bit of guidance.

If she's literally just turned 17 and she's not in a proper relationship with the guy, then I don't think it's unreasonable not to immediately say yes to an unplanned midnight sleepover (either at his house or at yours). I'm not sure what my rules would be here though! Maybe something like, that they're in a relationship, that contraception has been discussed, and that I've met the person.

I've seen similar questions on here about young adult kids having their boyfriends / girlfriends stay over. The general consensus seemed to be yes if an actual relationship, but no to a string of one-night stands.

Prepared to be told I'm out of touch, it's none of my business, and they are entirely an adult after they turn 16!

Your daughters sex life none of the step mothers business.
Your username and original post say your kids names and daughters date of birth. Maybe get it edited to remove her birthday date, when discussing her private life on the internet.

I dated a 19 year old when I was 17 and he treated me so well and much better than my first boyfriend who was the same age as me. We dated for 2 years and had sex when I turned 18. It was his first time too. He didn’t pressurise me at all and we split up after I went to uni but we are still on good terms although not really friends anymore.

Letting people know as a courtesy. She doesn't need permission though.

Not being weird. And absolutely need to tell DPs where one is, especially important for a DD.

Age gap is fine. You have done the contraceptive talk so now leave it to DD. Support her for this is likely to be her first relationship. Make it a happy one and not a battlefield. Good luck - been through ditto nightmare.

She doesn't really need permissions to have a relationship with someone OP. She doesn't need permission to sleep over at her blokes house either. You both seem weirdly involved in it. Leave her alone man.

You're being weird.

It's really none of your business. You can advise her but you can't force her to take contraception. Even if she was seeing a different guy every week, that's her choice. I don't think the age difference is a problem at all. Just leave her to get on with it.

My DD is also 17 and has her first "serious" boyfriend who is 18. She's also recently started to sleep at his house. At first I was worried but I talked to her about safe sex - she's on the pill and also planned to use condoms - and I feel way more relaxed about it now. It helps that he seems to be a lovely lad, very respectful and I do get good vibes from him.

I am not remotely concerned about any age gap though - there isn't really one. I'd much rather she dated an 18 year old at 17 than say a 28 year old!