To stay fat?

I think forget the focus on weight, throw away your scales and your calorie counting notebooks.

Focus on healthy nutritious food and a manageable level of exercise. Eat when you’re hungry, don’t eat when you’re not.

This is what will make you feel and look your best, at a weight your biology intends you to be.

You're right, I had read all OPs comments before RTFT and misunderstood! 😭

That's usually the way things go here, so had assumed paired with what she said.

I've read all through the thread and I really don't see where anyone has said this.

What people are saying is our bodies are about us and about our health. What men get off to should not come into it at all.

If someone's weight is affecting their emotional health or at the point of restricting their life/what they can do... I think it's time to make a change.

The problem with this is (and I speak as a woman in my mid fifties) by the time some people decide they'll make a change, it's because they've realised their health means they have to, and by then it's very often too late.

I don't mean 'too late' as in they can't lose weight, but too late as in they've already got diabetes or need knee/hip replacements etc.

If people find losing weight difficult when they're under 40, they'll definitely find it hard when they're 50/60/70 etc, and often much harder due to lack of energy and strained joints.

Everything you’ve said about your lifestyle and attitude sounds healthier at your current weight. If you had to restrict so hard to be a 12 then maybe 14/16 is healthier for you. Only you will know. From a health point of view, body fat per centre is the best measure to use and where you store fat also has health implications. I’m a tall hourglass and at 14/16 have very low visceral fat (massive thighs though!). If you can be healthy at your current weight I would crack on and enjoy life.

The one thing I noticed was your comment that you feel the thinner version of you ‘goes with your dad’. I would try to work on that and separate the two. Sending you hugs, it sounds like you still miss him a lot.

When I put on my weight in my early 20s it went on my boobs and butt and I found I was was really over sexualised. Men would feel really bold to catcall and approach me in a more sexual manner more frequently than they did when I was slimmer. I didn’t think of it as a compliment or benefit of weight gain at all. When I lost the weight I was still in m early 20s and found men approached me in a less sexual way if that makes sense.

But yeah I agree mens opinion on weight /body shape isn’t really something that should be factored in and many women claim it doesn’t. But I think realistically “the male gaze” does influence many if not most of us at some point or other in our lives.

I was a 90s kid and Nearly everyone in my neighbourhood wanted to be straight up and down skinny with a flat small butt. Fast forward a decade or so and many of the same woman I knew were wanting “curves” ie. A bigger shapely butt and shapely thighs. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it coincided with men now also saying they liked certain celebrity women who had “curves” and speaking more positively on bigger bums!

Oh and I just wanted to add... It is absolutely absurd for people to think that your husband and a lot of men in general aren't attracted to plus size women.

It's just not a factual thing to say.
I have never been short of male attention as a size 16/18 and actually it's mostly the gym guys/muscly guys who adore the bigger girls for some reason (in my experience).

Don't ask me why, but slim friends were always shocked at who wanted to date me 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm fat.
I love my body, I feel confident and happy and luscious. I can do everything I want to, like lovely long walks and being active... But I also don't restrict myself food wise.

I make lovely home cooked meals with salads and veges and just have too big portions.
I also love some biscuits with my tea and the occasional takeaway.

If someone's weight is affecting their emotional health or at the point of restricting their life/what they can do... I think it's time to make a change.
Otherwise, I am all about this fluffy life 😋

Oh for goodness sake OP! Your self esteem is battered by facts? What did you post for? To be told that being obese is fine??? Being overweight is correlated with poorer health outcomes. One shouldn’t have to subordinate facts to feelings to save you the inconvenience of dealing with them. Regardless of how you feel, this is scientific fact. Stay fat if you want. Do something if you prefer. But for goodness sake, act like an adult b

I think suggesting that 'more men will want to shag you' should be a factor in decisions about eating and fitness habits is dangerous whatever weight is being discussed tbh.

I'd prefer that less men want to shag me to be honest! 😂

This is probably the most sensible post on the entire thread and is worth repeating, especially this bit....

But many of us are older and are/have experienced menopause. It can really pile on the weight, and make you feel ill. The healthier you approach it, the better. Your 3 stone gain can easily double, if you don't reign it in now.

Nobody goes to sleep slim and wakes up fat. It takes time to creep on but once it does, that's when you have a problem on your hands and an even bigger one when you hit menopause.

Added to that, we tend to have less energy as we age and become a bit less flexible, so exercising can be even harder.

Get healthy for you and don't listen to your DH or the guy upthread banging on about men preferring 'curvy women'. They won't be the ones suffering the possible repercussions later in life.

@BishopLenBrennan all women are curvy at all sizes, because we're human beings, not cardboard cutouts.

I think suggesting that 'more men will want to shag you' should be a factor in decisions about eating and fitness habits is dangerous whatever weight is being discussed tbh.

THIS all day long. Do things because you love yourself, or even just feel neutral about your body. Doing things because you hate your body or yourself will only ever end in misery.

@thegreenlight yes you’re better of discussing this on something like the weight loss board even if it doesn’t get as much traffic.

Going to 1600 calories and making small and sustained changes sounds like a positive step in the right direction. Don’t restrict and starve! It’s not healthy nor sustainable. If you don’t do much walking now Start walking for half an hour every day and slowly build up to 1 hour +

You don’t sound massively overweight at your height but mumsnetters get a bit over enthusiastic in telling people who are in any way fat that they’re going to die early. BMI should always be taken with a pinch of salt and some health experts disregard it altogether.

Good article on the limitations of BMI here https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/bmi-a-poor-metric-for-measuring-peoples-health-say-experts/

also - forget BMI. It’s a very rough and ready estimation. The real markers of how much of an issue your weight is, is your visceral fat. Get this looked at

This. I am a stone overweight (started off 3 stone overweight) but my visceral fat is moderate and less than some people who have a healthy BMI.

I still want to lose weight and bring my visceral fat and overall body fat percentage down, but I’m adopting a slow and steady approach to weight loss; it’s important to also consider that there are other things that can contribute to bad health such as poor sleep and high street. Being stressed and staying up awake thinking of my weight is not healthy!

BMI and weight can be indicators but it isn’t everything and BMI in particular is problematic and I take it with a pinch of salt.

And re. Size 14 being overweight or not it’s irrelevant because OP has given further details of her body shape, height and weight and she is overweight. If someone else isn’t overweight at size 14 that’s neither here nor there for the OP.

Oh OP, please don’t feel crappy about yourself!

You have come through a very hard time, and have found a way to address your depression and anxiety. You have a DH who loves you, loves your body, and you are comfortable with your body! You don’t deserve to feel crappy, and body-wise you have nothing to feel crappy about.

All many people are saying is lose the ‘diet’ mentality altogether but if you want to make changes do it with a positive outlook on increasing healthier choices.

Your self esteem is as important as your body. Take care of you, list your positives, your talents, and each day congratulate yourself on 3 small things that make you feel pleased with yourself.

My goal is to be comfortable in a swimsuit, regardless of how slim. This means exercise, potentially surgery later on and laser hair removal. I will never be perfect in everyone's eyes I get to decide what my own healthy weight is by listening to my joints, my skin, my self image. I'm also working on extricating myself from all the diet culture. I still get the urge to crash diet .. it doesn't work for me long term, if it works for others great, but I need to look at my own and what happens to ME.

Even models have insecurities so we all have to accept ourselves which is easier when our lifestyle aligns with our values in life. When I know I am doing all I can, yet somethings will never physically change, like growing longet legs its easier to accept those unchangeables if im doing everything i can about everything else and when i know this, others comments wont matter (as much).

Others comments only sting when we know there is an element of truth or touch on what we fear of ourselves. If something is so outrageously ridiculous, we find it laughable. Anyway i'm aware i''m waffling on too much....
I sincerely wish op health and happiness in her own skin.

Argh.. can't edit on phone.

It's NOT for those who want to lose weight for a holiday 🙈

www.instagram.com/p/C0eVMVApaKJ/?igsh=MTA5b2k4dGR5MjBmOQ==

So many people (myself included) on this thread have history of being overweight since childhood, losing and gaining weight over the years.

Having periods of extreme fitness followed by returning to sedentary.

I'm now with 'No BS' and Corinne Crabtree. It's a bloody revelation - a coaching programme that goes through the thoughwork helping to unravel decades of diet mentality.

www.instagram.com/p/C0eVMVApaKJ/?igsh=MTA5b2k4dGR5MjBmOQ==

It's for those who want to lose weight for a holiday. It's for those who want to lose weight for life.

1200 was probably too low for someone of your height. You are right to take it steady and be kind to yourself! I think that is great. I don't even stick to 1200 at 5f2 and at the lower end of my weight range.

I would say learn to accept yourself as you are. Ditch the diets and focus on making the best choices from what you have at the time. If you have a takeaway make sure you choose the healthiest option and just have one plateful rather than stuffing yourself. Take a good multivitamin and mineral, drink some water and get some fresh air every day by taking a walk. There is no point launching yourself into diet and exercise if you don’t feel up to it. Prioritise taking care of your mental health and loving what you have and the rest will follow

Slow and steady better than crash diets

Focus on health, not weight

Exercise is important, but weight loss comes from what you eat

To me, intermittent fasting just sounds like skipping breakfast, but many people swear by it

Ah OP you sound perfectly fine! If you feel good then that’s the main thing! I was a non smoker, non drinker, normal weight and got breast cancer. Life sucks sometimes and often it’s just bad luck. I’m similar height to you and go between 12.5 to 13st. My GP says the whole BMI thing is not always helpful, they look at more than that. I’ve been told I’m fine ; my bloods are good, normal to low risk of HA/S and I’m waiting for knee surgery. They said my weight is fine but try not to put on more. I use the NHS app couple times a year (after Christmas and holidays) for few weeks to monitor calories and get back on track.
You’re not obese or fat OP. Carrying a bit too much weight, possibly but hey we have to live! Don’t let yourself be bullied by people’s opinions - sod them. Your body, your life! Your DH sounds lush btw. You have much to be happy about! 😍

I am always somewhere between a size 8 and a size 14, OP. You can be healthy and beautiful anywhere in that range.

I think it's important to focus on health- honestly, a veg tick chart to make sure you get enough sounds childish but it can help. Salads a few times a week. Soup. The good stuff.

Exercise- I love the fun fit feeling of Les Mills, combat, attack etc. Again- focus on health and strength, not skinniness.

If you make sure you get enough veg and are also doing exercise a few times a week, I honestly think that's enough.

You're still in the all or nothing mentality. You want to slim down when others make you feel fat as quickly as possible like its suddenly so unbareable when you have been coasting along at this size for a while fine. You want to stay overweight when dh shows you acceptance, forgetting your own feelings about your body and using others comments as a guide for what your body should be. It seems like conflicting messages because people have different views of beauty. You need to listen to your own assessment of yourself eg yes i think i am overweight or no i am genuinely happy like this.

Try to work with a therapist to help you listen to your own voice, not either rebelling or obeying others view of what your size should be.

It's been a cycle of negative weight comment > spurrs on intense shame > immense discomfort want it gone asap > insane restriction give you a temporary sense of control > unrealistic goals > the inevitable failure > anger at yourself > defensiveness > anger at the 'system' or society >rebel at the cost to your body and pretend not to care > you get a positive comments on your current weight > feeling reassured in the confirmation you are still desireable > you dont fully believe this so you push it further by gaining more weight > positive comments stop or you get new negative weight comments > feel worthless > repeat cycle

You are letting others decide your worth and appearance, this is the path to unhappiness and body image problems some people feel fat at size 10. Some people feel skinny at size 14. You need to genuinely look after yourself for you and decide at what weight you are mentally and physically comfortable. When that happens you will not be so vulnerable and easily influenced and affected by weight comments, good or bad. Get the validation and acceptance from yourself.