Would you ever leave a 15 yo home overnight?

I am mid 40s and would still go to my parents/family for advice or help.

I do agree to an extent re mental health, but not because under 25s are not fully grown adults, because IMO they should be (and would be if they weren't babied so much), but more because they would be treated alongside much older patients and I think being amongst younger peers is much better for their recovery, in inpatient services particularly. In my area mental health services have 18-25 specific programmes.

@JadziaD I’m not saying under 25s can’t work, marry annd live independently. I’m saying they are still very young and if they have issues such as mental health should not be treated alongside older adults. I imagine in most supportive families adults under 25 would still go to their parents regularly for life advice.

but I don’t think we are fully adult till 25

Sorry, what?

There's a big difference between being an adult, and still being a bit young an inexperienced and immature. But at 25, pretty much everyone I know was working, living independently etc. I have plenty of friends who were married at that age, some even with children.

You're infantilising young adults now.

I’m afraid a 15 year old being left for 2 weeks alone is shocking parenting and SW would be concerned

@Honeychickpea i don’t think this is a phase that will pass. Think back to when poor children left school at 12 and went into service. There has been a gradual increase in the age at which we treat young people as fully adult. I would leave a 15 year old home alone for one night but I don’t think we are fully adult till 25. It is very important in medical settings, especially in mental health, that under 25s are treated in separate settings and not expected to be completely grown up.

When I was 15 my mum used to leave me at home alone when she worked two nights a week. That said, on one occasion late evening I ran out of the house terrified of a large moth inside. My mum was really annoyed with me!

No it's not. Most 15 year olds are perfectly capable of looking after themselves. The trend for infantilizing young people will go away soon, as all such trends pass.

That’s actually shocking though

I was left home for a fortnight at that age. Was totally fine. A night is nothing!

Not my Dd my friends and my friend is the most relaxed mother ever so imagine it’s about right.

I'm sure she'd be totally fine safety wise, but i wouldn't want to set a precedent of opting out of family holidays for "something better to do".

That's what she's telling you anyway !

Should be fine. Prior to 15 I stayed over at my Gran's when my Mum worked nightshift. She developed dementia though and moved into sheltered accommodation so was left on my own after that. I did sometimes have friends over.

Yeah, although I was a bit freaked out when DS came home the other day and told me that his buddy's dad had given them a saw so that when they went into the local woods they could try and fix the treehouse that's there...!?

On plus side, it turned out buddy wouldn't allow DS to use the saw as he realised DS had no experience, so I guess some safety lessons were included.

Broadly though, I totally agree. It's been quite interesting in my tiny little microcosm of the world to see the high correlation between some of the children who were given the least independence in DS' year group at primary school, also being the ones who struggled the most with the shift to secondary.

There was a huge issue in the first few weeks of Year 7 in particular where behaviour that had been excused as "they're so young, they don't know any better" got a completely different response at secondary school and it was a huge crisis for 2 families in particular.

Agree Orangello. If anything being over protective is actually worse parenting.

A friends dds is in her first year in halls and is slightly horrified at the behaviour of some of the over protected students who have never learned to socialise properly and are suddenly let loose at 18. She’d been partying for a while while at home and made her mistakes with parental support / knew her limits etc. These kids getting absolutely paralytic and all over the place at their first taste of freedom and it’s all quite unsafe.

My friend had her own place from 16 as her parents and her younger brother emigrated to the US and she didn't want to leave Scotland. So they got her a flat in Edinburgh, trooped off to Texas, and left her to deal with Highers, uni applications and interviews etc on her own. I was aghast when I found out but apparently she got good support from her school and saw her grandparents once or twice a month (they didn't live nearby so she had to get the train to see them) and everything was fine. This was 30 years ago, I suspect it would raise all kinds of red flags now!

Always makes me chuckle when I see these kind of threads and think of her.

First rule of parenting; don't put your child at unnecessary risk of harm

Encouraging age-appropriate independence is necessary though, and this is an appropriate situation with child happy to be left and back up available. Sure you can argue that a 17yo or 27yo would also be safer with a parent, but at some point they need to manage. And approach that 'hey well no matter that you have never been alone for a night but you're 18 now so out to the world you go' is not risk free either.

i probably would allow it and ask another adult to pop in each day/evening as long as there’s someone nearby she can call.

I’d rather she had a friend over so she isn’t alone during the night.

You'll only know you can trust her if she's given an opportunity to be trustworthy. You know your own child so if you're confident she'll be safe and can look after herself, knows what to do in emergency etc then I don't think it's unreasonable given it's only 1 night. Maybe suggest dad calls round at a random time that she doesn't know to check there is no mad party going on!

Yup, as she's sensible, I'd be OK with a sensible friend as well.

As she had adults who are nearby if there is an emergency she can call on them.

Wouldn't give it a second thought once she knows the protocol for emergencies.

Enjoy your weekend away.

OP, you are blessed with zero struggle for childcare in this situation.

Your 15 yr old can stay with her own father or she can stay with her grandparents; both of which are safer options.

These kind of dilemmas are for solo parents with zero childcare options.

First rule of parenting; don't put your child at unnecessary risk of harm; why would you?

DS17 definitely wouldn't have had a party at 15 or indeed 16, but age 17 he most definitely would- or should I say will .

If the dad is aware and agrees to check k in and be available for any emergencies then I might consider it. Or ask she just goes there to sleep at day 10pm but cones home again in the morning.

I know. If you are making your assessments based on our generation you’re likely 30 odd years out of date. This generation is very different. And in many ways way smarter.

Of my numerous friends with teens only one teen would have people over to the extent it might be a concern. Not in a party way but she’s in quite a grungey crowd and they like to smoke. That said she was left alone in the summer (turned 18) and was fine.