Body size ..

And if you’d been a size 8 she would not have said anything. This is what thin privilege is.

Well no shit- why should somebody be telling a size 8 to lose weight? Instead you'll get equally horrible comments about gaining weight.

Way back when I was low weight (not with an ED, just didn't weigh a lot) I found people were overly interested in my eating. If I had an ED, I am sure the scrutiny would have made it worse, as it was, I felt I was being treated like a child who couldn't look after herself. If I was under the weather with a perfectly common cold, people at work would ask me if I was eating properly, followed by, 'are you sure?' when I answered 'yes'. People talked about me in front of me..."l don't think she eats enough". Even when they had seen me eat 3 rounds of sandwiches. I ate tons, it just didn't go anywhere (not like that now).

Then you would get the downright insults - "you need meat on your bones, you look ill". "You would look so much better with a bit more weight on".

Everybody seemed to think my weight was their business. Everybody seemed to think it was their duty to tell me about it, as if I hadn't noticed. Everybody was also suddenly medically qualified as well. 'It's not healthy'. I was perfectly healthy, thank you.

And if you’d been a size 8 she would not have said anything. This is what thin privilege is.

Speaking as an overweight person, I agree that it's always wrong to comment on other people's bodies but I can also imagine these ladies misguidedly thought they were paying you a compliment.

I am about 3 stone overweight and oh man, I've had some horrible comments. I remember being on a bus as a student and a man got on and decided to sit next to me, but not before saying 'budge up fatty'.

Another time I was at a family buffet and went for dessert and a family member said 'you don't look like you need that'. And on and on! Yes I know I'm overweight and yes I've spent my whole life wrestling with it...do people think that by pointing it out I'll suddenly have a lightbulb moment and be instantly cured of the thorn of emotional eating?

I have a family member who is morbidly obese and effectively disabled by her weight. She manages to get out but faces non stop stares and huffs and puffs from other people. Sometimes I just want to yell at people for their ignorant gawping. At the end of the day, her issues are a mental health/addiction problem just like any other but unfortunately whereas most people can hide their secret sins and obsessions, she wears the effects on her body.

The point is that I agree, it is always wrong to comment on other people's bodies, but trust me when I say people of all shapes and sizes get it!

I completely agree with you about it not be acceptable to discuss anyone's body size, but disagree where you say that people wouldn't say anything about a fat person, because they most definitely do.

I remember once I was picking some crispy creme doughnuts for one of my DCs birthday. I don't like doughnuts at all so I never buy them except twice a year especially for their birthdays. Somebody walked past, made eye contact, and shouted "regular occurrence!" at me. This was about 2 years ago and it still stings to the point I've got tears rolling down my face now.
At work, I regularly hear that fat people are "allergic to salads".
"Imagine lugging 16 stone around while you're working, Breakfast! That's a lot of weight to be dragging around, how could they even work in this place if they're that big? They won't last long" Well, if you were interested I could probably tell you because I weigh more than that and do okay!

It does happen. You probably haven't seen it because it isn't directed at you. You're right, it isn't okay to comment on anyone's size, but it happens both sides of the spectrum.

Sorry this happens OP. I know you wouldn’t want to, but I imagine calmly replying, “Actually I have an eating disorder” would be the ideal way of making people stop and think about what they say in future.

Your BMI puts you in the underweight category but I’m sure you know that.

I agree that these words have been twisted. Also, if I meant a positive image of the lower end of athletic and healthy I would say slim not thin. Thin definitely gives me a more negative image of being weak and undernourished and 'heroin chic' has not been desirable in a long time now.

There’s an unexamined, unchallenged presumption that thin body = admirable, superior being, endowed with desirable qualities, and fat body = greedy/lazy/pitiable being, plagued by character flaws.

Pp, it seems like you've twisted these definitions to fit your point.

Thin can be athletic and healthy, or it can mean scrawny and gaunt.

Fat can be curvy and womanly or it can be obese and flabby.

You've chosen the positive definition for one and the negative for another. As someone who is in the negative-thin category, I know when people are insulting my body. They're not doing it out of jealously or because I'm the ideal - they do it because they think I'm unattractive and an easy target for ridicule.

@BobbyBiscuits I haven't had comments when I've been a normal healthy weight or on the cusp of overweight, which was fat for my build. I had plenty said when I was underweight, and more muttered in passing.

I find people rarely make comments on people's body shapes in public now. I can assume these women were trying to make a joke, make polite convo and were envious of your slim figure. I know what it is like to have ED as I'm a long term sufferer. Please don't take this to heart, they were old fashioned/ blunt etc but were clearly not trying to be rude. They were admiring your figure. Not that people should do that but when it's bigger people I would imagine the comments are usually a lot more nasty and offensive. (though maybe said more under their breath rather to their face).

Op I've been at both ends, and the comments when I was really overweight were easier than when I was extremely thin. Meds to get pregnant made me extremely nauseous and I was down to 6 stone living on build up soups. It made me so hyper aware of being infertile.My mother eventually asked if I had an eating disorder so i was then worried about how thin i looked. I just wanted to scream. People don't think and it's not intentional to hurt. You'll be far more sensitive to comments because of the stress of dealing with your ED. Women tend to very readily discuss their figure, weight and diet which I think leads to making remarks that a stranger may find upsetting. It doesn't make it right, but at least you know it wasn't meant to be hurtful.

It’s really not a flattering description (macilent doesn’t improve matters) is it @AvengedQuince; but people intending it as a compliment (which some people do) seem to mean it as a synonym for “slender” rather than, well, its actual meaning. Of course there are also people who who use it as an open insult; & then those who take advantage of the first group to provide cover/plausible deniability for their spite-spitting.

I have had people comment on my weight - off the top of my head l can think of 3 occasions - mostly middle aged or older men funnily enough and one of them was all hurt and offended when l insulted him back right away. Told me l was rude but somehow it wasn't rude that he told me l need to lose some.

Never ok to comment.

I used to be very skinny (not anymore)! and I completely agree with you. The comments were all the time it is very rude and I was very self conscious of it. And I agree everyone would be shocked if you commented on an over weight person's weight to their face. But I do think as a society people judge those who are overweight so it is difficult for them but just in a different way.

Perfect post

I don't see how an abbreviation for 'skin and bones' could ever be seen as a compliment!

It’s all dreadful.

My very underweight teen (physical health issue) hates comments on how ‘skinny’ she is. She feels ugly and unattractive and that no boy will ever like her. She wants boobs and a bum. These comments really affect her.

I had them when I was very thin at a particular stressful life stage. I was asked if for dinner I was going to eat three grains of rice etc. Or compared to a famine victim. It was very unpleasant.

But there is also no getting away from the fact society favours thin over fat. And so some people genuinely thus cannot see how ‘skinny’ can ever be an insult. And nobody ever calls someone fat as a compliment. Whereas they do for ‘skinny’.

Have you ever asked your mum whether she has had comments made to her? I have one I remember is when I was eating a packet of crisps waiting for a bus and a random woman said to me ‘you’ll never lose weight eating those’ this was when I was a student and a size 14.

OK YANBU whatever but I need to know which supermarket?!

They were rude, there's no question about it.

As someone who's been overweight since I was 11 I can state with absolute certainty that people have no issues commenting to fat people, they are just more likely to be overtly offensive. I've had cars filled with teens shouting insults at me as I walk down the street. It's the go to comment for anyone who is for any reason unhappy with me, if I don't move out of the way fast enough in the supermarket and that annoys the kind of person who would insult a stranger then you can guarantee any sneery rude comments will be able my size.

People are horrible sometimes.

Of course that's rude - the women made unsolicited personal comments about you without knowing you. I don't think I've ever had anyone comment on my weight in a supermarket (and I've been big in the past) - it's not a social norm.
More generally, I think people do feel more comfortable commenting on people's slimness because this is seen as desirable in our society (whole industries are built around weight loss) so it may be assumed that people will take such comments as compliments. It's a shame (and inappropriate) when this comes across as intrusive or critical, but it's just not stigmatised to the extent that being overweight it.

Are you either underweight or at the low end of the healthy weight range? If not, you may not have experienced the actual insults that very slim or thin people get.